Gifts of Christmas

I cannot believe another year has gone by. What a wonderful and full year it has been. I have so much to say and so little time. I even have a million photos to post and a story to go along with each. I will keep this particular post focused on my thoughts that I want to express at this time.

A year ago felt as though it were a million ago. Last Christmas was the worst Christmas of my life. You may recall me posting about feeling like a scrooge. Which by the way I have read the book now and it is absolutely wonderful and I recommend viewing the Christmas Carol starring Alastair Sim. Very moving. Feel free to go back in time and reread my thoughts during that horrible time for me.

This year I wanted nothing more to make up for last year. I read several wonderful Christmas stories to get in the spirit, A Christmas Carol, Christmas Jars - which I highly recommend and will further mention later on, When Christmas Comes Again, and The Quiet Little Woman and other short Christmas stories by Louisa May Alcott. I also started Christmas far earlier than anyone I know. I started just after Halloween. I sewed and sewed and sewed. Which, by the way, is not like me at all. I have rarely sewn anything in my whole life. Boy did I have fun learning and creating. I also completed all my shopping in November, until Grandma sent a check and ruined the NO STORES THE WEAK BEFORE CHRISTMAS goal. I also did paper craft on wooden boxes, 5 to be exact. I made a paper craft I Love You book for my daughter and together she and I made a cute pillow for her sister. Last year my family started a new tradition of drawing names and the name we choose gets a special home made gift, which explains the last two projects I mentioned. Photos of those mentioned projects will appear at a later time.

The weak before Christmas finally arrived and with it came the smells of orange and spices, amongst other yummy smells. Wassail, spiced nuts, Nutmeg melt aways, Cherry Snowballs, Orange truffles, butter mints, toffee bars, cheese cake with a blue berry sauce, pumpkin pie, and banana cream pie are the many delicious things I slaved over for a weak. I didn't even mention the scrumptious dinner...Turkey, made my mother's way - which, by the way, there is no other way in all the world to make a more tender and juicy turkey, a cous cous stuffing that I invented, sweet potato casserole with cranberries and almonds on top, REAL mashed potatoes, gravy, Frog Eye Salad, my sister's recipe because there is no better one out there, and I completely forgot a fancy veggie so we had cold carrots with an avocado dip.

Christmas Eve Kevin and I were up until after midnight putting together my Christmas present, a piano, oh alright it is a family gift. (If I were to have my very own expensive present and not share, it would be a camera.) After the piano was all put together, dusted and a big bow on top, I took the GINORMOUS box out to the dumpster. With snow falling and the wind not so chilly, I took a moment to slide around on the frozen parking lot of our complex. It was the high light of my week. It was so late that there was not a person or sound other than me laughing and sliding around. I cannot recall a more relaxing moment during the past two months.

Unfortunately the girls are at the age now that they know what Christmas morning brings, NO SLEEP for Mom and Dad. They came in to get us at 630! I don't know how long they were out at the tree but when they jumped on me explaining with great detail and enthusiasm all the many things that were under the tree I figured they had to of been out there for a good several minutes.

Phew, did you catch all that? I was so exhausted by the end of Christmas day I collapsed on the floor feeling like I had jet lag. I literally was in bed asleep by 6pm! I was sad I missed out on the evening fun but I couldn't move without feeling like I might vomit! I even took a Dramamine to get the room to stop spinning. I slept until 730 the next day!

Well, now that I have thoroughly updated you on my amazing 2 months I will wrap this up with an expression of gratitude. The greatest gifts I have are my children, my husband, and my life. I ask for nothing more than that and Heavenly Father has seen fit to bless me with more than I could ever imagine or ask for. The piano is such a blessing to me. It has already filled our home with the sounds of music! We have sang around it and played together. Pianos bring the fondest childhood memories for me and I pray that this new piano does the same for my children.

A whole lot of Stuff

I have failed again as a blogger. I completely forgot to share our thanksgiving holiday with you, amongst other things.

The first slide show is of our trip to visit family in Vegas. We took the scenic route and boy was it amazing! It was faster and we saw many neat things in those desert mountain, like two different herd of deer (which were also different breeds), a coyote, several large birds of prey, bunnies, and also some plant-life I had never seen, like the Joshua Tree. There was always something to look at. We played travel games, that I bought from my Usborne Company, and the 9 hour road trip felt like 5. It was amazing. The girls didn't even start asking if we were there yet until an hour out. They did ask at the beginning so I explained to them that we would be in Vegas by the time the sun was in the right side windows. Kevin and I both decided that this was the best road trip ever and that we much prefer traveling with older children. What a difference older children make in a road trips.

The next is of our visit with family in St George for turkey dinner. I had so much fun visiting and playing that I forgot to take photos of more than just the girls playing in the rain. The other young lady with my girls is their Aunt. The girls had unbelievable fun in the rain. Emily was the last to poop out. She had a ball! But that girl loves anything involving water!

The next slide show is of Lydia's Birthday. I can't believe I have forgotten to post so many different things! Her Bday started on the Saturday before and ended on the actual day, Monday, in Vegas at Grandma's. We don't do a lot of wrapped gifts for birthdays. Our bday celebrations consist of outings and doing whatever the bday kid wants, well, with in reason anyway. Lydia chose to see Bolt, play at Artist for the Day, use her coupon for Monkey Dooz glitter manicure, and eat at TGIFridays.

Well, with Christmas right around the corner I will call this entry to a close and say, until next time, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Day!"

a Funny Narration

A couple nights ago the girls and I were in the car going to Archiver's to get some free prints. For reasons unknown to me the girls and I engage in some of the most interesting conversation while driving in the car. This night in particular was rather hilarious. I just listened, as making my way in the dark, to my sweet girls carry on the oddest conversation known to Mothers. I missed the beginning of the conversation, due to my own day dreaming, so I will just start my narration at the point when I tuned in.

Emily: "I wish I were more flexible like the girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Movie so that I can do all the flips and tricks I want without getting hurt or all the practice and hard work."

Lydia: "I am so frustrated that I am not a monkey. I wish that I were so that I could climb onto the top of all the buildings and swing from lights and trees, just like Curious George."

(So, as you can imagine, my ears perked up.)

The seriousness of my daughters' voices continues as their conversation continues.

Lydia: "I am also really worried."

ME: "WHY?" I asked, hoping I didn't cause the conversation to take a turn from serious to silly, because I thought it was too hilarious that my daughters were carrying on such a hilarious conversation without even breaking a smile, they were truly in complete and utter seriousness!

Lydia: "I know I am a really strong and fast girl, but I am worried because I can't learn to fly because I might fall and get hurt and I really really want to be a super hero but I am afraid of getting hurt while flying and doing tricks and stuff."

ME: holding breath, plugging nose, turning blue, just to prevent from cracking up.


Ok, so their conversation continued in this manner and for some reason my questions caused Emily to reprimand me.

Emily: "Mom you are hurting Lydia's feelings. I think she is going to cry. She is really serious Mom."

ME: "I am sorry Lydia, I do not mean to hurt your feelings. Are you really serious?"

Lydia: "Yes, Mommy, I am. I really am scared of not learning to fly because I am scared of falling."

I went on to explain to my girls that they will be able to do anything they want with hard work and focus. I also explained to them that when I was a girl driving in the car with my parents I used to pretend I was a horse and running alongside the car and high speeds and jumping over huge canyons and such. So, imaginations can be wonderful things but to remember what is pretend and what is real.

Since that night, every chance they have had to play together it is spent being monkeys and swinging from tree tops.

Children...AREN'T THEY THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Silly Girl

Yesterday my youngest and I spent a bit of time just goofing off. It is probably one of my favorite times being a mother, out of the blue have spontaneous nonsensicle fun.

Here's the story... I was sitting at the computer doing some research for an idea I had for our church christmas party. Lydia was tired of me not paying attention to her. She tried every trick in the book to get me off the computer and messing around with her, whether it was good or bad she got my attention. I decided that I had enough of all her tricks and gave in. She started this whole photo shoot with her own self portrait while sitting on my back (that was one of her last tricks she pulled before I gave in). We had some good laughs while being silly. I love Lydia. I love her silliness. I love how she makes me laugh, when I don't want to laugh, when I shouldn't laugh, and when I really really shouldn't laugh because I should be the parent telling her to stop when it is really not the right time, like when she is in trouble or it is a quiet moment at church.

The Cannery AKA Family Home Storage Center

NO, not canary the bird, cannery, a place to can food. My church has a cannery for members of the church and other food storaging type folk to come work and buy food. Today was my first trip to the cannery. It reminded me at first of the good ol days working in a huge industrial laundry service. INSAIN. When you first walk in you are required to sign in, net your hair, put on an apron, wash hands and then slip into fancy blue latex gloves. My friend and I then headed back into the factory where we were to be orientated on proper procedures and such like stuff. When the man in charge had finished his speech about not stuffing date stickers in our pockets to be applied at home, some OSHA rule about stickers being applied before leaving the warehouse, he invited someone to say a prayer. Yes, say a prayer. I was so touched by this. I will comment further on this later on.

Salsa was on the menu today, the air was filled with the aroma of spices and tomatoes. There were about 20 folks total, ranging in age from twenty to 70ish. We assembled ourselves around long metal tables with countless mason jars and lids awaiting the steamy scrumptiousness of salsa. The speed and quality of our work was amazing. There was no yelling, swearing, or laziness in a single individual. Everyone worked, everyone did their part. If their job was finished they went onto a different person to assist, whether it be by screwing on lids or wiping of the dribbles. We worked non-stop for 3 hours. When the work was done we had several paletts of scrumptious salsa to be enjoyed by those who had worked and also those who are in need. I failed to mention that the food that is made and canned at this facility is not only for those who come and work/buy, it is for the needy. The food is distributed as directed by eclesiastical leaders.

The whole system is brilliant. It wasn't just the system that touched me so much today. It was the warmth, love, friendship, that we all seemed to share. The spirit that started off the whole shift of work. Beginning with a prayer was literally just the beginning. I was touched by the happy chatter amongst all the people. Few were acquainted with each other, but communicated as if they were long lost friends. I especially loved seeing the elderly couples working side by side preparing the very food they would share with their children and children's children. One couple had 21 great grandchildren and they would all recieve various food items for their food storage as christmas gifts. These couples were such good examples to me of eternal marriage and the importance of working together as a team.

I feel priveledged to have been able to work today and be a part of such a divinely inspired system and to work along side such Christ-like lovely people.

Election Day

I was volunteering at my children's school today and there just happened to be an assembly. The assembly today was for first quarter awards and prizes and also to allow the second grade classes the opportunity to perform some songs they had been working on. The assembly started with the second graders leading us in our National Anthem and then we all recited the Pledge of Allegiance. Perphaps I am too sentimental but while singing the National Anthem I cared not whether or not I was heard, I belted out the song with all energy of heart with hand on my heart and tears filling my eyes. Then when it came time to say the Pledge my emotions overcame me and I got all choked up. I observed the other parents close by and saw some just standing, some saying the words but no hand on the heart, a couple doing as I did but probably with less emotion. Listening to the children is what brought on my emotion. These children are the ones who will lead us in the future. They are the ones whom we should look to, making sure they are properly educated, loved, and cared for. I love this country, I love what we stand for. I love my God! I know that He has given us this great land. I PRAY this country continues to be great!

My YW Personal Progress 10 hour Project

Thoughts on LIFE

These films are heart wrenching, obviously the goal of the makers of the videos. In all sincerity I have difficulty forming words to fully describe my thoughts and feelings on the issues that we face. The first thought that came to my mind is that we are America, Home of the Free. My opinion of freedom is based on my limited knowledge of the founding of this country and upon scripture. This land, America, is a gift. A place where we can exercise religious freedom. Freedom to worship God and freedom to obey His commandments the way He intended them to be, rather than the way man wants them to be followed. So, Where is the freedom? In the begining God set up laws and when He was through specifying those laws He said that we were free to choose for ourselves, and that there would be a consequence for whatever it was we chose. Something I teach my daughters is that we always have a choice and with every single choice we make there will be a consequence, that consequence will be either good or bad. I have great fear and sadness for anyone who chooses against God's law. I have difficulty even at this time finding words to express what pain I feel.

I read this morning about Christ hanging on the cross for You, Me, and every other person who ever lived or will live on this earth. While He hung in the most excrutiating agony He remained silent as non believers mocked and tormented Him further. His pain was unimaginable! Can you even begin to comprehend it? Not only was He suffering physical pain beyond any thing that a mortal has ever gone through, but he is suffering in his soul! For ALL of us. He knew this day would come. When I think of the sin in this world now and the Hell that our world will become with certain laws that may be passed or individuals who may become our so called leaders, I think of One Greater than us all. I think of what pain He continues to go through even to this day. I think of those innocent human lives being taken. Children of a loving Father in Heaven being tossed aside with the garbage, being left to die a miserable and lonely death. The corruption of our society! The thoughtlessness of God's power! He will not stand for such evil ways! But as angry, confused and wracked as I may feel I am reminded of what Jesus said just before dying, "Forgive them, they know not what they do". I can't help but wonder if "they" truly don't know what they do. Then again, Judas didn't fully know what he had done until it was too late, Satan already had a strong hold on him, and in the end took his life.

To the people who make such decisions that will not only effect unborn children of God but also those living, those desiring to keep Families in the units that God intended them to be, I pray for you. I pray for this country and those voting. I pray for humility that I forget not the ways of God, not to mention His great power.

weekend weirdness

Saturday I went shopping at Jo Ann Fabrics for some odd items for these super adorable bags I am making for Christmas gifts, I will post them when complete. I found myself staring blankly at some beaded stuff and was in serious need of an opinion. My girls would not be much help, they were distracted by the Halloween costume display. I noticed a nice looking woman not too far away and thought she a perfect victim to get an opinion from. The woman looked at me like was going to attack her or something. I said, "I am having a hard time choosing beads for this bag, what do you think?" Her eyes widened a bit and hesitatingly she says, "uh, maybe that one", that was when I noticed her backing a few inches away. I replied with, "Seriously, I can't make a decision for the life of me! Please tell me honestly, which do you think would be better?" Again I get the, "uh, maybe that one". Emily came up at that point and she jumps in with "I like that other one better". I turned to her and said, "Thanks, I agree!" The other woman then says, "uh, yeah that one works too." She was NO help at all. I seriously think she thought I would like stab her or something if she was caught disagreeing with me. OK, so do I look like a terrorist? Oh wait! Can I say that on the Internet? Oh well, anyway, the woman was so weird!

Within minutes I still stood alone at the rack of beads and such and still was mowing over another decision. Not even two feet away stood two of the oddest, yet beautiful, woman you'd ever see in a fabric store! They both had dreads to their waists, tattoos on their arms, funky hippie skirts, purple bangs with beads tied onto some locks of dread, piercings on their faces, and I over heard some of the oddest conversation, like their children's names which all seemed to start with the letter Z and how they found it difficult to home school their kids while the husband was home for fear he would jump on themselves. Anyway, these women would normally be intimidating to people. Nope, not me! I walked right up with my bags and choices, I found them rather friendly and fascinating! I said, "excuse me. I am having THE hardest time choosing. Which one do you think would look better with this bag. I thought this fringe would look best with the bohemian style handle of this bag. What do you think?" The taller and more beautiful one said, "I love the fringe. You were a flapper girl in your previous life weren't you?" I laughed and said, "Why yes I was!" The remainder of our time in that store was spent in the presence of those two women. Honestly, they were the two nicest people I have ever met in this city! They didn't question my friendliness toward them, they didn't look at me strangely or with fear for their lives.

Isn't it interesting how we look at a person and judge them wrongly? So next time you jump to conclusions on someones appearance remember that it is most likely the "normal" looking person who is most likely the "abnormal" human. Ya, so who's to say what "normal" is anyway?

Food for thought I guess.

school days

That time of year when cheep O' photographers make their attempt at taking your child's photo has come and gone. Boy does it bring back memories! I'd probably forgot about those moments with some stranger in my face telling me to turn or lift my head or do this or that, if I didn't have the evidance to prove the awkwardness of the moment. These young school days for my daughters do bring back a funny memory that does not involve wierd photographers.

It was the beginning of 5th grade, my parents had just uprooted our family again and moved us to a new city. I had decided that this new town and school was going to be the best experience of my life, I was a new girl in a new place. The night before the first day of school I dreamed of what the first day would be like. This is how it went...

Dressed in the most amazing "rock star" outfit I could pull off I walked up to the double doors of the elementary school, two men in black suits awaited my arrival and as I approached them they held the doors open for me. Just with in the doors the principal stood with micraphone in hand, students lining the hall clapping and cheering, the principle announced, "Welcome Suzy! Our new super star student!" I walked down the line of students smiling and giving a high five to out stretched hands eagerly awaiting a touch of my hand.

Hahahaha! I crack myself up! Think it came true?

Last Supper and The Garden of Gethsemane

My heart is full, full of sadness, sorrow, and even joy. This morning, in my reading of Jesus the Christ, I have finally made it to the account of The Last Supper and the Betrayal.

In reading of the apostles and their weakness and even, I think, stupidity at times, I wonder how I compare. In Christ's serving them they questioned and wondered, he spoke and they understood not, He prayed and they thought blankly with no understanding. How often has He spoken to me, through the Prophets and the Holy Ghost, and I sat blankly in a stupor, questioning the reality of the message? How often have I disregarded the message and chose disobedience and misery over the blessings that come from obedience? How often have I been weak and stupid?

Jesus asked the three apostles who attended Him to the Garden of Gathsemane "What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation" and then he added, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

How often I have felt this! My spirit yearning in great love to remain "awake" and be watchful and prayerful for His great return, but my weakness lies in my flesh succombing to temptation, and yes even falling asleep...spiritually and physically. The price He paid for me makes that pain that much more of a reality. But what joy fills my heart with the great and undoubting testimony that Jesus Christ lived and died for me. In moder-day scripture, found in Doctrine and Covenants section 19 verses 16-19 we read, "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent, but if they would not repent, they must suffer even as I, which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit: and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and shrink - nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finishsed my preparations unto the children of men." My heart is drawn to the words regarding repentance. Christ suffered so that if I repent I will be free from the pain of sin, but if I repent not I will suffer even as He did. My mind cannot even comprehend the pain He felt! I have felt pain for my sins, but nothing in comparison for what He felt.

I love my Savior. I am nothing without Him. What darkness would engulf me without the knowledge and love I have for Him and His gospel!

Jesus' Parables

In my reading of Jesus the Christ I recently studied 3 different parables taught by the great Teacher. Found in Matthew chapter 25 we read about 3 very important lessons that are taught in a way that will be remembered and applied. That is one reason I love Jesus. He teaches in such a way that I am able to visualize myself into His teachings and it is easy to see how it applies to me.

These 3 parables are in a chronological order that makes me think that it was done on purpose. If you take each parable you will see my thinking as well.

First Jesus tells the parable of the 10 Virgins. The message: Watch and Be Prepared. Then he tells the parable of the Entrusted Talents. The message: Take what he has given us and multiply it. The final parable, to me, wraps it all together; it is the parable of the dividing of the sheep from the goats. The message: Judgement at the last days.

I know that a thorough study of Christ's teachings, both within the Bible and the Book of Mormon, will not only prepare us for this life but the life to come. Being ever watchful for His return, doing all within our power to prepare both spiritually and physically for His return, taking the talents He has bestowed upon each of us so graciously and not only adding upon them in quantity but in quality as well, and then when He comes again and calls us to His presence we will be able to stand before Him good and faithful servants on His right side.

It is my greatest prayer and hope that all may come to this knowledge so that when He comes again we may each receive our reward.

A Good Laugh

This is too funny, I must share first thing this morning. Lydia is sitting with me before we head out the door for school, today is my first day to volunteer in her classroom.

So, Lydia asked to see the pictures I have along the right side of the blog. When she saw a particular photo of Emily, it's only the five hundredth time to see the photo, she had an epiphany about the photo. I want you to stop for a moment in your reading, scroll down to the photo of Emily that is titled Sand Creature. Ok, have you done it? If you have keep that image in mind and listen to Lydia's epiphany...

"Emily looks like corn on the cob rolled in butter."

Haahhaaahha!

She is always good for a laugh! Hope you have a great day!

Attitude

I have new goals. Goals of being better. How? I don't know. I'm still figuring that out. The list is endless...better pianist, better at guitar practice, better photographer, better wife, better mother, better writer... Is that too much? They say you should never bite off more than you can chew. I'm not really biting or chewing, right now I am just preparing the menu.

I work with the youth at my church and I was visiting with one of the 17 year old girls. I told her how I had always wanted to be a photographer for national geographic, she asked why I hadn't done it yet, my response, "I am chicken". She chuckled and said it wasn't too late. I always figured I was too late for all my "dreams".

So, this conversation along with many other such moments over the past week has given me a new attitude. I haven't ever really known what I wanted, let alone how to get what I wanted. I did know for a fact, without doubt, a short list of things I wanted and would not give up on, that short list has been accomplished, now what do I do? That list includes a mission for my church, marriage to an amazing man, be a mother. CHECK! On top of all this itch, as some people might call it, I am getting older...is 32 too old to be a dreamer? I want to do something, be someone! I just don't know where to start. I suppose the answer would be...Today.

So, this whole thought process also caused me to reflect on the things that I am grateful for. I find myself getting caught up too often in the past and what I haven't done and probably never will, that I neglect to see the BOUNTEOUS blessings right in front of me.

An Attitude of Gratitude I feel at this time. I am grateful for the mind I have been given, the love to learn. I am grateful for the love of music I have within me. I am grateful for the gift of having an eye for beauty. I am grateful for a husband who loves me more than my wildest dreams. I am grateful for daughters who are incredibly talented and have chosen me to be their biggest fan.

I have a question for you and would love more than anything to have your comments.

What do you want to do when you grow up? I figure if you are anything like me you haven't grown up yet. I wonder at times if I ever will. We'll see.

Teeth

Have you ever heard the comment about our life cycle? The one about infants to geriatrics and how much alike the beginning and end are?

Just check out this photo of my Emily. I keep telling her that if she keeps losing teeth she will soon need dentures. Poor girl has another loose tooth, that will make 3 empty spots on top and 3 on bottom. I keep wondering how she even bites anything. I wiggled her new loose tooth and laughed, "You have the funniest teeth of any kid I have ever seen". She laughed along and made some silly toothless grin at me.

So, I was thinking about the oddity that teeth are. I have observed the rate at which Emily's teeth fall out verses the actual return of teeth in those empty spaces. When I get old and my teeth start to fall out, once again, will they fall out gradually or all at once? I think I'd rather them all fall out at once, just like Emily. That way I get just go to the Denture Guy and say with my mumbly lisp, "I need thum new teeth pleath". Maybe I would just go with my shiny new gums and work on funny faces, like pulling my lip up over my face, to pull at all the gawkers.

Speaking of getting old, I am getting old. I have precious metal shimmering in my hair and crowns in my mouth! I MUST be royalty!

First Day

Well today marks the day that many young mothers dread and others anticipate with much enthusiasm. I am the latter. But today when I said goodbye to my baby girl Lydia and watched her rather tall figure for a kindergartener walk through the double doors my heart gave a little twist. She was so strong and brave, though I could tell in her goodbye that she was nervous. She wouldn't even look at me, possibly out of fear she might cry, but then again, maybe she is more grown up than I thought and she was too afraid kids might see her hugging her Mom.

Emily was a brave girl as well. She is a big 2nd grader now and show no sign of fear, although she was aweful quiet, bashful maybe but definately not a weak girl.

The first day of school holds such wonder and anticipation for all involved. I noticed so many new pairs of shoes and clothing, crisp, clean, and unstained. Brand new backpacks doning the child's favorite character or rock star, although my children will never mistake their special hand painted back packs. Parents looking confused as to which door their child lines up at, and of course the kindergarten parents in large mass huddled around their wide eyed child who stands silent and immovable for the first time in months.

Cameras going off in all directions and children with so few smiles. I actually had to make a deal with Lydia to get even one picture and she didn't even want to turn her head to look at me, it was a picture of her new backpack. I gave up on getting a face shot of her and went for Emily. She wanted a photo of her back pack that was updated with new paint and glitter. And no joke, never fails, my battery died! I was so disappointed. I had hoped to get a photo of Lydia entering the school and Emily ready to begin 2nd grade. But no such luck today. I will just have to settle with photos of the exiting.

Even now as I sit in my quite house all alone for 2 and a half hours my mind is on Emily and Lydia. Are they adjusting ok? Are they relaxing at all? Are they happy? My sweet daughters. This is the end of them being little girls and the beginning of them becoming little ladies. I have longed for the time Lydia would enter Kindergarten with dreams and hopes of all the many things I would accomplish, the weight I would loose. But now, I sit and catch up on bills and do a little writing and think only of how my baby girl, my Lydia will no longer be home with me all day long asking when we were going to go pick up Emily from school. I am sure that by tomorrow the feelings of lonliness for my sweet baby will be gone and I will feel ready to go out and tackle the road as planned. I mean, she is ONLY gone for 2 and half hours! This will be a piece of cake. Now, next year when she is gone ALL day, that will be a whole new story. I may just have to get a job at their school!

What do I lack?

As I have mentioned, I have been reading Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage. He discusses in chapter 27 the story found in Matthew 19:16-26; Mark 10:17-27; and Luke 18:18-30. This is the story of the young rich man who approaches Jesus and first tells Jesus everything he is doing correctly and then asks, "what lack I yet". He was obviously a good man, faithful and obedient, and He believed in Jesus. But when Jesus said, "one thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me", the young man was sad at the thought of leaving behind his great wealth and possessions. Talmage says that "everyone of us may pertinently ask, What do I lack?"

I have been deep in thought since reading this section of the book over 4 days ago. I believe Christ has asked all of us to do this; to ponder on the way we live our lives and come to him and ask where we are lacking in our devotion to Him. What a difficult thing to do. I find myself more like the young man than I ever imagined I could be. I literally came up with a list of things to strip myself of and every single one would be difficult to rid my life of. Why? Probably for the same reasons the young man found it difficult. I have become attached to such worldly possessions and "entertainments" and some of them have such a hold on my heart that I think it would be too painful to part with them. Of course all of these things are trivial and certainly will not assist me in entering the kingdom of God. So, why am I not more willing to swiftly rid my life of such unnecessary weight. Why not exercise more self control and relieve myself of such heavy burdens that weigh upon my soul.

I look around me and see distractions and clutter everywhere. Things that will not pass with me into the next life. I rationalize and wonder are we really required to give up everything! Things that bring enjoyment and pleasure in this life? But I also thing that the lesson to be learned goes deeper than just possessions. Am I serving Him with all my heart, might, mind, and strength? Am I living my life to its fullest potential? Even yet, do I hide my talents under a bushel and show them not unto the world? So the question at hand, what do I lack, is so overwhelming to me. Where do I even begin?

I heard an analogy once about a camel. In order for a camel to enter through the eye of the city he would have to be completely stripped down and then crawl through. The labor involved is probably extensive. I imagine the old days when a camel would be weighed down with tents, food, and other provisions. The work it would take for the traveler to remove everything from off of his camel just to enter the safety offered on the other side of the walls. I will add further to the analogy with this, imagine the traveler packed all of his Cd's, DVDs, scrapbooks, collectibles, and treasures, onto the back of the camel, along with all the necessary things such as food and water. The weight that the camel would have to carry, and unnecessary weight, would be hard to bare. If the camel did ever make it to the safety of the city he would be too tired to even crawl through the eye once he was stripped down.

What do I lack? The courage to do whatever is necessary to free myself of all unnecessary baggage. I am ashamed. My list of things keeping me from entering the "eye of the city" is long, it is heavy, and it is nothing compared to the peace and safety that awaits if I strip myself of all ungodliness and follow Christ.

Bragging

As avid readers might find I tend to share insights into the "world of Suzanna". That means I share everything I can possibly think of to share about myself. I don't open up to just anyone about my thoughts and views on life, especially in the spoken word.

I recently wrote about the book Emma by Jane Austin and the great new things I learned about myself. My sister, Cassandra, commented on that post telling me I needed to spend some time bragging a bit, rather than always "reporting" the things I learned about my negative nature. As many may find, bragging can be rather difficult. I personally find that reporting my self -discoveries of inadequacy much easier. My sister's comment has gotten me thinking this bright new morning. I find it difficult to admit that I think I have some really, pretty awesome, character traits, maybe even a skill or two. Why is it that the majority of the human race does that?

Think of the animal kingdom for instance...The cheetah knows he is the fastest cat and can pretty much catch anything he wants. Does he ever stop and say, "I am nothing, I will never be able to catch that animal. He is far to fast for me. I will just lay here under this tree and eat bugs that crawl on my paw"?

And what about the shark? Does he decide to quit swimming the oceans and just sink to the bottom like a brick and say to himself, "I am not scary enough, my teeth are not sharp enough, I will never be able to eat another seal, they are too good for me"?

Animals would never do that, so why would the human race, supposedly the higher life forms on this planet, do that? God created us in his image. I don't think that means just our physical features. How does God feel when we don't amount up to all he created us to be? When I think of a loving parent that parent wants their children to grow up to be their very best selves, to amount to all the potential there little selves can possibly be. I don't know any "loving" parent who would tell their child, "you will NEVER be able to do that, you are nothing, why are you even bothering".

In regards to what my sister said, I feel that I have done quite a bit of bragging on this site. If you have read my posts you will find that I have learned, grown, and even boasted on a thing or two. Even just having a blog and making it available to the world says, "I think I have something important to share, I think I have the potential to be a decent writer someday, I have amazing kids...let me show you their faces".

But in humoring my sister I will have to say that one of my favorite qualities that I possess is the ability to admit when I have failed, and after admitting my failure I do all I can to correct it and not fail again. See, I have the skill of turning something negative into a positive! :)

A Good Samaritan

The parable of the Good Samaritan is a parable that most people are aware of. I grew up hearing the story and I have read it numerous times as an adult. Only this morning have I read it in a way that at first humiliated me and now has humbled me.

In Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage he discusses this parable and says, "Doubtless priest as well as Levite salved his conscience with ample excuse for is inhumane conduct; he may have been in a hurry, or was fearful, perhaps, that the robbers would return and make him also a victim of their outrage."

Never in all my times of reading and hearing the parable have I thought of what the 2 who passed by may have been thinking or feeling at the sight of the injured man. I always had hoped that I would be like the Samaritan. Here lies my problem. I never honestly looked deeply enough at the story or myself in order to truly find which I may be like.

The other day my girls and I were driving down a rode and just in front of us was a young man on a bike with no helmet. With in seconds he hit a pot hole, more like a crater, and flew head over heals in the worst looking bike accident I had ever witnessed. My heart stopped, and I immediately debated if it would be OK to stop and assist. I was afraid to. I won't even tell you all the many excuses that ran through my mind preventing me from stopping. A short way from the boy I finally turned around, and just as I did so car after car pulled over to assist the boy. I was too late. I had witnessed it and I failed. I am sick at myself for failing to help the boy. I am sick at myself for being exactly like the Priest and the Levite from the timeless parable of the Good Samaritan. I had passed by only looking and continued on my way in fear.

While reading the parable this morning my mind not only reflected back on this particular moment where fear kept me from serving my neighbor but also to many other very similar moments, but maybe had an "excuse" of being in a hurry. "Excuses are easy to find; they spring up as readily and plentifully as weeds by the wayside." Oh how I long to not be afraid or in too much of a hurry to be like the Samaritan in the story, "having a compassionate heart and no excuse".

(all quotes are found on page 401 of Jesus the Christ)

Lessons from Emma

My current read is Emma by Jane Austin. When I told my husband that I was learning new things about myself while reading the book he laughed. He has started a new thing by giving me a hard time for reading fiction. "You and your FICTION", he says to me. I reply with, "You and your TEXT books. You are just JEALOUS".

As readers of Jane Austin know, her books speak a great deal of society and what is proper. If I lived during those times I would have been a vulgar, unrefined, and shunned woman. My least favorite character in the book is not a major character, practically a side note. But this character has none the less effected me in a huge way. I have had let's say, a huge awakening!

This character rambles endlessly barely without even taking a breath. She changes topic without even finishing the previous topic or sentence for that matter. She speaks way too quickly and loudly and gives no thought for other people's thoughts or their ears for that matter. While reading the pages where this woman speaks I just cringe. I almost want to skip those pages, but fearing I miss some important detail to the plot of the story I continue on painfully. But of course I never would have missed anything of importance had I skipped her ramblings.

This is exactly why I learned a great deal of myself from this story, in particular this wretched woman! I have realized that over my 30 years of being able to actually form words and have them come out of my mouth I have developed 4 bad habits.

I feel I have developed the first 2 by growing up in a big family where I was number 6 of 7 kids and if I ever wanted (still applies today) to say anything at all I would have to speak quickly and loudly.

Bad Habit #1...Speaking too quickly
Bad Habit #2...Speaking too loudly

And then once I left home and no longer had to compete to get a word in I learned that people actually don't always have something to say, so there was silence, and seeing a good opportunity to say what I wanted, I snatched it right up.

Bad Habit #3...Talking excessively

Now my final bad habit in communication was the biggest shocker of them all. This one actually applies in my marriage. It has been the key source to all miscommunication, lack of communication, and everything involved with communication.

Bad Habit #4...My word is NOT the final word

"Holy Cow! You mean my thoughts and feelings are NOT all that matter???"
I actually have to laugh at myself over this one. I realized that just last night and I almost had one of those moments where you stop dead in your tracks and with gaping mouth and wide eyes say, "I suck!" (objectionable or inadequate (Webster's dict).

So, with all this new found knowledge about my BAD HABITS in communication I hope that I can now apply my new goals of improving in my communication and no longer be what high society would find as vulgar and disgraceful. Come to think of it I don't think just "high society" would find me that way. Hmm.

Here's to being wise.

Monsters and Light Switches

When teaching my girls about life and emotions I try to think up ways of explaining those things in a way that they might understand. Just 10 minutes ago I came up with a rather good one that must be shared.

At times I feel as though my blood is boiling and I am going to explode at any moment. Well, that is how I feel, but children don't understand boiling very well and hopefully don't know what exploding means. So, rather than continuing to be short fused and agitated and continuing to hurt my sweet girls' feelings with my negative energy I sat them down and very animatedly, because that is me...animated, I explained to them that I feel as though there are a million little monsters running through my veins screaming and yelling and these little monsters make me feel like running around screaming and yelling and want to tear something up. Their eyes got wide with fear! I explained to them that I do not want to do that, that I do not want to be angry, so I needed them to first take their own extreme energy levels down and to also take a nap.

So, that is the picture, now I'll explain why I have all these little monsters in my veins. Emily, sweet hearted and sensitive, has been whining and crying over everything and untypically disrespectful toward me with her words and attitude. Lydia, the head strong independent extreme physical energy type, has been running, bouncing, tackling, etc. To top things off I was babysitting a little girl who is a combination of Emily and Lydia but half the size so that makes her 10 times more extreme. We also had fun plans for the afternoon which got canceled, not on our part, and all of us were upset over this. I told the girls I needed them to go to their rooms for a nap until Dad came home with the car and rescued us from the confines of apartment living.

Ahhhh. I feel so much better.

Another, oh I don't know what you'd call it, "thing" I use to tell my children about hard to understand topics is in regards to emotions as well.

As I previously mentioned, Lydia is my child whose emotions are all extreme, anger to happiness. So, one day I sat her down, near a light switch. I explained to her some of the different feelings we have. She too contributed in this part. I explained that there is a time to have certain feelings and there is a time to not have certain feelings. That we are in control of those feelings, and that we should stay in control at all times. I showed her how I physically go to the light and can turn the light on and off. I let her try a couple times. Then I said, "our feelings are like this light switch, it is your choice whether to turn the light on or off. When you feel angry, turn off the anger, and turn on the happy." We talked about ways to turn off the anger, like a time out, a quiet time, a hug, etc.

Since this talk with Lydia I have rarely had to remind her. She has grown so much in controlling those negative feelings. I am so relieved to see that she is gaining control a lot sooner than I ever did. Shoot, I am still working at controlling my own personal switch. I think that is what provoked the whole discussion. I noticed how much Lydia is like me and I didn't want her to be like me in a negative way. I want to be a better person for her/them.

Book Club

I just returned from my first book club EVER! What a wonderful sort of club. Why have I not been a part of one sooner? The book was called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I read it last night and this morning. Quick read, but really enlightening. Half the group liked the book the other half did not. It is a parable of sorts. I enjoyed looking for the applications to real life. I also enjoyed the many "pearls of wisdom" throughout the book. I actually took notes because my copy of the book, which I bought, had not arrived yet and I was panicking about not having read the book so I called the hostess and asked to borrow her copy. Because it was a loaned copy I didn't want to make little marks and such. I will reread the book and mark as I please. I do that with my scriptures. The book is absolutely nothing compared to scripture but the message in the book and the pearls of wisdom are definitely of a spiritual note. I found myself reading and learning a lot about myself. Funny how parables have a way of doing just that. Maybe that is why I enjoy that sort of story so much. I so seldom stop and take a close look at myself that it was much needed to take a time out and do a check on Suzanna. Boy am I off course on my "personal legend" (you need to read the book).

So, I am restless this evening and finding it difficult to stop my mind from continually running. As you can tell from the lapse in my posting I have had "writer's block". I have 3 major enjoyments, Reading, Writing, and Scrapbooking. All three of them I have had recent "blocks" in. I am now out of my "reader's block" and have at least 3 books bookmarked, I am now into a "scrapbooker's block", just so busy reading in my brief summer free minutes there is no creative power to scrapbook, and FINALLY I am out of my writer's block. I haven't been on here in so long because I felt it pointless to come on and write when my mind just was not coming up with anything to write. I enjoy writing very much. But I that if my thoughts are not REALLY interesting it is not worth it to waste cyberspace's space with my ramblings. Like now for instance.

So, I am glad to be back. It feels good. To be honest several times I found myself longing to come here. I thought almost daily, "what can I think up today to write on my blog?" And nothing would come. It seems that since summer time brings kids home from school my time, talents, and whole interests are keeping them entertained. Don't get me wrong, it has been a very fun summer, especially compared to last year. I just don't know what has happened to my creative thinking skills.

I have been reading a wonderful book called Jesus the Christ, and I am continually having thoughts on that book, but then my day gets busy and fail to come and write about them. In regards to parables I have been studying some of Jesus' various parables and they are so wonderful. I am really gaining a great love for Him. He teaches in the way that I am teachable. I am such a visual learner, a picture can paint a thousand words, well, I think that words can also paint a thousand pictures.

Well, this is lovely way to come back....RAMBLING. I am so tired from my long night and morning and reading. I just need to free my mind and then I can sleep.

So, to end this lovely ramble session I will give you one of my favorite quotes from the recent READ..."People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them".
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

2 Movie Reviews

I watched 2 movies the past couple of nights that I find "review" worthy.

The first I watched last night, it was called I am David. Decent movie. I was not disappointed in the time put forth in watching it. It is about a boy named David who escapes from a concentration camp with a sack with very little to survive on. Through out the movie there are "instructions" being relayed, for the viewer and a mental reminder for the young boy. The instruction need to be followed by the viewer in order to be made sense of later at the end of the movie. I found the movie to be a personal journey for the boy. A journey of self discovery. He had no idea who he was literally and figuratively. He also needed to discover the world. He grew up in a horrible world, a concentration camp. His idea and views of the world were dark, depressing, and sad. The first time he sees a field of flowers, the smell of fresh baked bread, a warm touch by an old woman, all mark moments of sweetness. The first time he ever smiles is rather touching. He even asks if he had just smiled. I found myself wondering what that must be like, to "wake up". I find the boy having had an awakening to the goodness of life and of people, that there be no need to fear all the time.

The second movie I watched this evening. It was called The Remains of the Day. Waist of 2 hours. I kept waiting for the head butler to have his "awakening" just as David in the previous movie had. But the butler never did. I was rather disappointed. He lived every moment of every day of his entire life for someone else, his Employer. He did not have any thoughts on any matters, or at least he never vocalized them, he never listened to anyone, he never really lived. And to make it all worse, he let a beautiful opportunity of "awakening" slip right through his proper fingers. I must say it did give an excellent view into the life of an old world English butler. Tough job. He was faithful to one person and one person only. What a depressing life to live.

So, I am exhausted I want more than anything to go to sleep right this moment. But my thoughts on these two movies are too much to not put down here on my blog. Which person am I more alike? The young boy or the old man? Well, I am obviously neither seen as I am a woman, but their characters, which would I be. I feel at times that I am the butler, focusing so much on the duties and responsibilities that I let precious life pass right through my fingers. I want so much to be like the young boy, to look at everything and everyone as if it were my first time to ever see them, to taste, to smell, to touch, as if I had never done such in all my life, to cherish each and every moment.

My ending thought is that I should be both, but ultimately the cherishing should take precedence over the duties. So, I suppose I find both worth my time, the movies ended with me having a better understanding of myself.

Pinata

That word looks funny with out the little squiggly thing over the n. Today before leaving for church I was sitting on the couch patiently awaiting the time to leave and Lydia breaks out in song. She makes up some of the funniest and cute songs, actually come to think of it the songs are quite like what an Oompa Loompa might come up with. Improvisation is what Willy Wonka says. I think she must have gotten it from them.

So, she is singing away and I am just giggling and this of course is way too encouraging. It was probably one of her best yet! I will do my best to try and relay the song to you. Don't even ask me the tune that too is made up. Here is the song, keep in mind the song is about me, it will be funnier later at the end.

You are so sweet
You are so delicious
You look so tasty
I want to gobble you up

You look like a pinanna
Full of candy
I want to hit you
Until the candy falls out

By this point I am laughing so hard I have to ask her what on earth a pinanna is. She tells me it is the funny shaped things at birthday parties that you hit and candy comes out. OK, so I explain the proper way to say it. She continues on with her song, singing pretty much the same stuff. Then she comes over to me, here is the finale of the song (I wish I recorded it!), and in slow motion using sound effects and everything, she pretends to swing a stick at me. Using her little fingers she comes to me with little tickle like grabs, pulls "candy" out of my sides and starts gobbling my arms (she uses just her lips, like a horse would, and "gobbles" me up, this is not uncommon for her).

Seriously the most hilarious thing she has ever done! Can I use serious and hilarious in the same sentence?

Romance

What does romance or romantic mean? The subject of romance was on my mind recently and it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I have a false or naive, and too girlish of an idea of what it actually means. Here is what I found...

Webster's Eleventh Edition: romance - 1. medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural 2. a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in heroic, adventurous, or mysterious events 3. a love story in the form of a novel 4. to try to influence by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery.

Those definitions are exactly what I expected romance to be, and it has often made me sad that I don't have that kind of "romance" in my life. Kevin and I recently watched a particular romantic comedy, these are our favorites, and for some odd reason Kevin was in no mood to watch it necessarily with me. We are a rather cuddly couple and enjoy snuggling up to a good movie. But this night in particular, for reasons unknown to me, he refused to sit any where near me. He sat clear on the opposite side of the couch and pouted most of the movie, he even got up and left right before the ending. This was so unusual that I began wondering if it was me. Did I stink? Were my legs too hairy? Was the room too hot to sit close to me? Seriously, these would all be reasonable explanations, but this was not the case that evening.

So, upon finishing this adorable romantic comedy by myself I found myself in deep thought. And none of the thoughts were good. Don't get me wrong, I love my relationship with my husband. But I found myself wondering why I didn't have the romance in my life that is so often reflected in movies. Come on ladies, don't be shy, I know I am not alone in thinking such things. I have always enjoyed romantic movies and novels, not the gross stuff! Sweet love stories like Anne of Green Gables and Little Women and I finally read Pride and Prejudice. All amazing stories where the men all seem to fall over the women and shower them with the most unimaginable flattery! And probably the most recent movie that knocks my socks off in regards to romance is the Notebook. The ending in particular, as badly as I want to ruin it for someone who doesn't know what I am talking about I will not, is enough to make me cry for hours even after the movie has ended! So, I am a pathetic, hopeless romantic.

Now, knowing this great weakness of mine, let me explain the process of my thoughts following the experience of a husband who normally snuggles with me during movies, all of a sudden not even wanting to sit near me. I ended the evening in sadness and feeling a bit alone. But through my sleep and waking in the morning I came to think I had the wrong idea of what romance is.

Yes, romance is everything exemplified in movies and books, it is everything that Webster
explains in the official definition. I have in all reality fooled myself and have lived a naive life, a silly girl expecting a knight in shining armor holding a dozen long stemmed roses and riding a most beautiful stallion to come and rescue me from this wicked world.

Romance is so much more than that and it is humiliating to admit that it has taken me the great number of years that it has to come to this realization. I believe true romance to be when my husband and I are in the car and then out of no where I realize he has been holding my hand and I wonder, "when did he do that?"; when I peak in on him and see him curled up with our girls and he is reading them a story or just have a good ol' tickle fight; when my husband asks me what I want him to make us for dinner; when my husband says "give me a list, what would you like me to do today" with out me even ever dropping hints; when he actually gives me a kiss hello or good bye (he is not a believer in PDA, even at home!); when he sits by me in church and holds my hand; when I over hear him speaking kind words about me to his family; when he grabs me in the kitchen and starts twirling me around making our girls giggle as we dance around our kitchen. The list just goes on and on.

So, now that I have matured I admit, my husband is the most romantic man alive. He is my knight in khaki pants and plaid shirt, driving a tiny Suzuki Aerio, carrying a 50 pound backpack full of mind boggling books of physics, chemistry, and icky math, and he DROPS everything to hold me and say "I missed you today". And in all reality if I were to ever write a story about our love story, I would have to admit that it would be quite romantic. Who knows maybe someday I will.

The Sights, Sounds, and Smells of Spring

Ah, springtime. I love springtime. It is my absolute favorite season, Autumn is runner up. For the first time this season my daughters and I finally made our way out of doors for our annual "new life" walk. We headed to Barber Park. This park runs right along side the Boise River. Just after starting our walk we heard a sound that one does not ever hear in apartment living. It was the rhythmic tap, tap, tapping of a woodpecker. We stopped on a bridge to see if we could find the maker of this beautiful natural music. To our delight the bird was not too far off and was easily spotted first by Lydia. We crouched down and quietly observed as he pecked away at the wood in hopes of finding some lunch. One thing I love about nature walks with my daughters is the opportunity not only for adventure but for learning and observing.

Just after crossing the bridge we found some foots paths leading off into various parts of the park that off the paved path. We chose these paths knowing that these paths would take us to parts of the park that bicycles were not allowed, joggers did not jog, and voices were kept in a hushed tone. This is when we really felt close to nature. The trees were just budding, many flowers had opened and the animals were all so alive. There were so many delicious smells in the air. Several times we would stop, close our eyes, and take deep cleansing breaths of fresh air. As our eyes were shut we could hear the cold, newly melted snow of the mountains, rushing over the stones of the Boise River. A few fishermen were silently sitting along its banks and as a pair of mallards flew over head everyone watched to see where they might land.

At one point in our adventure we came to a little inlet completely surrounded by the gradually thickening brush, and silently wading in the inlet was a single mallard, perhaps searching for a place for his mate to lay eggs; you never know. With our stealth like steps and "no talking" moment we were able to observe him for quite a few minutes before he noticed us and took off quit quickly to flight and moving several yards further down river.

Looking in fallen logs for critters waking from a winter sleep, investigating interesting growth on a tree trunk, a "spooky" web filled hole in a dead tree, mounds of dirt thrown out of holes by some unknown creatures, a very large unidentifiable bird of prey that flew just barely over head that we wished would just stop mid air for one brief moment for us to take a closer look but refused to slow down even for us, and enjoying the warm sun and cool spring breeze were all favorites on our walk.

At one Lydia came whimpering to me and said a wild animal bit her. I took a closer look and found it to be a scratch from one of the thorn bushes she had a run in with. I explained and showed to Lydia the "wild animal" that caused her such pain. She said, "oh, I thought it was a wild animal". Apparently the scratch hurt pretty bad. She was really quite enthralled by it and paid little attention to anything else after receiving it. On the car ride back home she poured water on it and said that the water healed her finger and made it all better. She said upon the miraculous healing of her scratch, "I knew Heavenly Father was real! See He healed my finger." I smiled at my daughter's great faith and said, "you should thank Him for thinking of you and blessing you". She did right then and there.

I love nature!

Sabbath Day Lessons

As I mentioned this weekend is General Conference for my church. In between the 2 separate 2 hour sessions the local PBS plays news reports involving members of my church. I am so honored to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Members all over the world are doing such incredible things. Just a few of the stories mentioned involved a group who travel from impoverished country to impoverished country. They visit the hospitals and offer their program, a service provided by my church. The program is a training school of sorts to train individuals in the birthing of babies. Previous to the training the infant deaths in the countries were very high. Now, with individuals properly trained mothers and their new born infants return home, alive and well.

Another situation involves a wheel chair program. Wheel chairs are provided to individuals in impoverished countries who have spent their life time crawling or scooting on the ground or being carried by a family member. These disabled individuals were never able to attend school or get jobs. The Church goes in and provides wheel chairs and opens doors of opportunity to these individuals who have never known any different. The smiles and tears of joy on the people's faces brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. To be associated with such an organization, such a church is an honor and I all I hope for is to be worthy to call myself a saint and to be counted among such individuals as those mentioned.

My thought following the warmth of the spirit testifying to me the power of Christ's church was this..."How could this work not be the work of God?"


Another experience this morning involved me reading with my girls from my church's children's magazine called the Friend. Inside was an article about a man from Nigeria. He was recalling his youth and a lesson he learned from his father. He recalled a tradition when a gift is given to a family it is the Father's role to say when the gift will be enjoyed. A particular gift of food had been given his family and the young boy could not wait for his father's return home so they could enjoy the food as a family. The young boy begged and pleaded until the mother gave in to the boys pleas. The sweet mother did not want to offend the father by not respecting his role, but also did not want the boy to go on in hunger. When the father returned home and learned of the incident. He took the boy aside and taught him a valuable lesson that not only stayed with him all his life but he has also passed onto me and I too have learned a valuable lesson. "My father was disappointed that I had not shown contentment for what I already had. He taught me that peace of mind and a good life are only for those who are content with what they have." This wise father's counsel swelled within my heart. I had a wonderful discussion with my own children about what this meant. We each promised to be more happy with what we have and not show discontentment with life and what we have been given.

I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for individuals within Christ's true church who have taught me by their examples of hard work and service. I am thankful to be a member of this true church, Christ's only true church upon the earth. I know it is true. There is a prophet on the earth today, who leads and guides us. We have not been left alone on this earth to walk blindly. We have scripture, continuing revelation, that lights the way to eternity.

Man Pregnant

Can you believe this head line? I can't either. A co-worker told me about it in passing. I didn't believe it at first, so I had to Google it for myself. I will fore warn you, I may get offensive to some people out there with the thoughts I have in regards to this Pregnant Man.

First, this man was born a woman. She is now a he. Every single ounce of Suzanna screams, this is wrong. I am all for people have individuality, but I believe that ethically can only go so far. I am not a supporter of gay rights. I am a firm believer that God created Man and Woman and we have very unique and individual roles. One cannot be the other.

Second, when this person made the decision to become a man I believe he gave up all rights of womanhood. I heard a woman on a news report in regards to this man saying something about him not being selfish. Err! Wrong answer. I don't think a human being could be more selfish. He/She said something to the effect of "I wanted to keep my female organs so I could one day experience child birth." Then stay a woman! What about the child that this person is bringing into the world. Has He/She not thought of her (the baby is a girl)? The woman who was shouting all over the news being for the pregnant man gave me a head ache. I thought her to be a horrible example of a woman. I am young and obviously too behind the times to think that yelling at another man is womanly, you should see the clip. I am all for woman's rights, but once again, God created female and male and we are two totally different creations. There is no comparing the two.

My religious views play a huge role in my opinion here. It isn't just how I was raised. As an adult I have my own thoughts, views, and ideas on life. I believe that some things are good...and some things are just completely wrong. And this is one of those things that is completely and utterly wrong. It is not God's way. And that makes me sad. I don't think he intended for his children to come to a world that has become a world where his creations, men and women, no longer what to be what He created them. This world has become complete and utter chaos.

That is all I will say about this.

Waste

My daughters and I were watching a show called Beeker's World this morning on PBS. First, I'd like to say how much I appreciate public television. The shows offered are so educational and clean (no pun intended in regards to my current topic!). I wish I could donate to programs such as these. That is something else I'd do with a million! Support wonderful organizations. There are so many out there. Do you ever feel there is too much of the things you would love to do and not enough MONEY to do it with? I feel that every day. And it isn't just STUFF that I'd spend the money on. It would all go to good causes! AUGH! "If I were a rich man!" (I am feeling the need to watch Fiddler on the Roof.)

So, on the show Beeker's World they were teaching children (and obviously one adult) where sewage goes. It was quite discusting but also fascinating. The point I want to mention though is that he said that the water that goes down the street drain and gutters is never treated, "it goes right into the local oceans, rivers, and lakes". I was discusted! My seven year old daughter said, "that's discusting! I am never swimming in the ocean again!"

That really got us talking about all the trash and litter that we see on a regular basis. I know that there are some many things harming our environment and there is really only so much one person can do. But if we all did just little bit better at how much waste we have we would be making a huge difference.

Just after the last major snow melted away our apartment's parking lot and gutters were filled with all sorts of debri. I went out and with frozen fingers dug out of the gutters 2 garbage bags full of trash! Some of it I couldn't even get up because it was embedded and frozen into the drain cover. I was so upset at the residents in the area for their lack of concern for our little community within the apartments. Just imagine what it is like in bigger communities. When I learned where that nasty polluted gutter water goes I was shocked!

I hope I have inspired at least one more person to not litter and if they do see litter to pick it up.

Tradition vs. Habit

Today, as others of my faith know, was a special day to listen to the leaders of my church speak to us as a whole and enlighten and encourage us. One sister in particular sparked some thoughts. Her name is Cheryl C Lant and she is the General President over the children's organization called the Primary. She spoke on traditions. When I think of traditions I usually think of holiday traditions. All the other "stuff" I do I just think of as being habit or routine. But after listening to her talk I realized that all the "stuff" I do on a regular basis is tradition. And upon realizing this it brought a whole new meaning to me about what I do as a homemaker. This realization has made the day to day "stuff" that I do as a mother have such a deeper meaning, it has encouraged me and lifted me. I feel like those things I do have meaning beyond just taking care of my kids. I cannot fully explain what a magnificent feeling came over me. I have always felt what I do as a mother, and what all women in the world do as mothers, is the most important of all "callings" in life. But to realize that something I thought basic, such as having a "tradition" of respect for one's self and others is not so basic but deep and profound, WOW! This is how I was raised. I thought it common. I never thought such things that come naturally to me to be thought of as tradition, I really thought of it as being "stuff". Now, let me explain this "stuff" that I continue to refer to. To me, when I say "stuff", I am referring to the fact that I am a strict, firm, and organized parent. The things I do others might think of as "uptight", "controlled", "mean", and "too routine".

Here are some examples...I don't tolerate disrespect for authority, such as teachers, or adults or disrepect to others property, God's creations, or one's self. Also, my children have had the same bed time and bed time routine since they were babies, now don't get me wrong, there are times when bed time fluctuates, but for the most part this "tradition" has not changed. And now that they are getting older that bed time will gradually move back. But, I can be a selfish parent and bed time is Mom and Dad time, so that means that even though they are getting older I will still send them to their rooms at the same time for their own personal quiet time. Which brings up another point, I have also always been a firm believer in "quiet time". Kids need that down time, whether or not they nap, they need some down time. Play is hard work. Not to mention the parent also needs that quiet time. We also attend church every Sunday and pray and read scripture. I never thought of that as a tradition. I just thought it habit. But tradition sounds so much more heart felt and sincere than "habit". It is habit to brush your teeth, a tradition to eat healthy foods. Doesn't that sound more beautiful and inviting? I'm not going to DIET! I am going to start a tradition of healthy eating and exercise.

Who in their right mind says no to TRADITION! So, I think from now I shall have this mentality...Everything in my life that means something to me is now tradition, out with the old habits and in with the traditions!

Another Shoe Update??

If you have been a faithful reader of my blog you may recall my entries called Shoes and also Shoe Update. If you have not read those entries you may want to so you know what I am talking about.

Remember my pair of ugly black shoes that hurt my feet and I dreaded putting them on and hid them in the depths of my closet on weekends? Well that pair of shoes will be donated to a thrift store next week so that some other woman may get more use out of them than I did. The woman who buys them for 3 dollars at the thrift store may find those shoes the greatest blessing she has received in a long time. She may think they are fashionable or cute. She may think they are mighty comfortable and never wants to get out of them again. She just might want them more than I ever did. Not that I am ungrateful for those shoes, for what they meant to me and my family, but I am over joyed and most grateful of all to say that I will no longer be wearing them.

You maybe asking, "what does this mean?". I will tell you. I am no longer required to work full time away from my home. I am no longer required to put on that hideous, green ,polyester, high waisted, front pleated suit; did I mention scratchy and staticy? Through much prayer, fasting, and discussion, Kevin and I have finally concluded that my presence in the home is far more important than the tiny amount of money that I generated each month. Life will not be easier with me be home, I will still have struggles. But I will be home. I will be where I am most happy. I must say I have been home all this week so far (my final, very last day, is Saturday the 5th) and it has been beautiful. Would you like to see what my days look like now and will continue in such a fashion for hopefully EVER! In order for you to see how truly grateful I am for my new schedule I should first share with you my old schedule.

I would wake anywhere from 730 to even as late as 830, feeling tired, soar, achy, crabby, rushed, and lazy. Emily would come and read to me in bed, which I inevitably slept through and got upset at her later for having not read to me (oops, my bad). I would rush the girls through cold cereal and rush them out the door to make it to school, by bike, by 9. And in saying good bye to Emily I would say, "see you tomorrow morning". Then Lydia and I would rush back home so I could go back to bed some mornings and others we would do a little school work for her. Then play friends came on various mornings and I did chores or scrap booked away the time until I rushed around getting ready for work at 2 so I could leave at 230 and be to work from 3-11 or later. I would drive home exhausted and rush through a shower, snuggle each of the girls whispering to them how much I loved and missed them, and then I would go pass out by 12 or later sometimes. I have not only seen Emily for only an hour but also Kevin for an hour and even less some days.

NOW...
I wake around 645 feeling rested, revived, and rejuvenated. I spend about 45 mins reading from Jesus the Christ (a fantastic book) or scriptures. The girls are up by about 730 and I assist them getting ready for the day. At 8 I make some sort of breakfast, today was yummy oatmeal with spices, raisins, walnuts, and wheat germ; and I sit with them talking while we eat. We leave the house happy, no one is crying! After we say good bye to Emily at school Lydia and I go on a lovely leisurely bike ride. We get back home in time for play dates or some school time and even some snuggle time. I do some chores, like today I am organizing my office, which was far past due! And play a game with Lydia or read a story. I do some scrap booking here and there. I get to pick up Emily from school, which we take our time and have a visit on the way home. We sit at the table and all do some school work together. I make some dinner, which is from scratch-no more box meals!, while the girls do their NEW chores. Then we all sit down as a family and have a lovely visit while we eat my lovely meal. Then the girls get ready for bed and I read to them from Narnia or some other too advanced book. Then I tuck the girls in, say good night, and most importantly, "I'll see you in the morning". I spend a little of time with Kevin, go to bed with him around 9 but stay up and read in bed until 10, when I pass out after a beautiful day.

I know it is quite wordy but I was much too excited to leave out any of these fabulous details! I love being a homemaker! It is where I feel most like me. It is where I feel the most rewarded. It is where I belong.

If I had a million

I am sure I am not alone in pondering the thought of a million dollars and what I'd do with it. It is still a lot of money and you really could do awesome things with it. Well, let me rephrase that, if you manage it well you can do a lot with it.

The first thing I'd do is buy my dream home. My dream home is modest, yet has room for growth and company. It absolutely has to have an amazing yard with plenty of foliage and room for a garden and a game of catch or Frisbee. My home would also absolutely have to have a kitchen with plenty of room to move around with additional cooks and even company to sit near by and visit. This home also has to have built in book cases. If not that will be a wonderful adventure for me to learn to put in. Which brings up another point, my house must be an older home with mature landscaping and also opportunities to explore new possible talents that may lay deep within me. I am totally fascinated with interior design and carpentry. So, a home that will allow me the chance to see if I do have any skills in that area would be most desirable. My family is greatly into entertainment so I also need to have a large rec room to allow for an awesome huge TV, for movie night of course!, and plenty of room for kids, young and old, and games and other funness. I don't require the fanciest of things or newest of things. I ultimately want space and adventure. I have been researching homes and I have found home qualities that I like and dislike but for the most part the size of home I am looking for generally runs in this area at the price of 250 to 350. Mostly because of their location and the size of yard. Like I said I want an older home and they are generally closer to the price of 250, that is if the slump doesn't end and all the prices are jacked way up again!

The next thing I'd do is build my parents a home on their lot of land. First I'd rip down the trailer! I'd build them a home that met their needs. Single level and no stairs in front or back. I'd build them a home that had a large kitchen and even larger dining room. The home would have their master bed room, my Mom would have a craft/hobby room, and my Dad would have his "cave". There would also be at least 2 more rooms simply for visiting children and grand children. Which brings up another point, there would have to be a large family room with a large sectional sofa for when we all get together. My parents have 7 children and 20 grandchildren. The sad part about us getting together is that we all live so far apart that when we do gather there isn't adequate accommodations for us all. So, the home I'd build them would be large enough for us to visit, but not overwhelming for my parents to keep up. I figure that for where they live I could pull this all off for 200.

This leaves me with about $500,000 more. I would divide the money 4 ways, an account for me and my husband (we want to retire at a young age so that we can spend our senior years not only being awesome grandparents but also by serving multiple missions for our church, this has been a goal of ours since our wedding), 2 accounts one for each daughter, this would be for college, mission, or whatever they desire to achieve in life. The last portion would be donated to a few different charities that I have already predetermined, a children's home, abused women and children shelter, and my church's humanitarian relief program.

So, if I were to ever win, inherit, be the recipient of some kind to a million dollars, this is exactly what I would do with every penny!

What would you spend a million on?

Road Trip

Who has NOT been on a rode trip? Can you believe the magnitude of planning that goes into a road trip? Packing the suit case(s) and making sure you have clothing for any occassion or weather is a chore all on its own, but let's not forget the road maps (thank heaven for GPS!), adequate funds for emergencies and gas, making sure the vehicle is in proper running order and has all fluids topped off and tire pressure checked, snacks and other food and beverage stapels stored nicely in a cooler, and a quick prayer for safety and good weather. Wow! I am exhausted just from typing the list. Can you imagine how beautiful it would be to go on a road trip with the clothes on your back, someone else's credit card, and just the open road, no planning what so ever? I think that would be beautiful. No need to be anywhere at any particular time in no particular style. That would be fun and relaxing. Kind of makes me think of the movie Joe Verses the Volcanoe with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (well the part about using someone else's credit card anyway).

While I was thinking on what an awesome road trip that would be I also started to think about how overwhelming real road trips are and thought how wonderful it would be to just hop on your own private jet (paid for of course with someone else's credit card!) and just GO to where ever it is you want to go! No real time required or effort for that matter.

So, after my little fantasy I came back to the real world and began to have real thoughts. Life is absolutely like a road trip. I was thinking about what kind of personality I have. Do I have the type that wants to hop on the helicopter and just skip all the preparation in life and just get to the end result quick and easy? Do I have the personality of the overcompulsive planner who makes a list checking it twice before loading everything and everyone into the vehicle? I concluded that I am neither. I am much more the type that says, "I want to go on road trip. That will be so much fun. Wow, we can go here and here and oh, we just have to stop and see so and so and can we please make sure and save time for this?" And then this is what would come out of my mouth or enter my mind almost immediately following the first reaction of excitement and thrill. "How will we pay for it, what if 20 miles into the trip we blow a tire, and what are we going to do if I get car sick in 3 weeks on the return trip, and what about the people we meet along the way, what if they don't like me or think we are crazy tourists and have no clue how to drive and they just want to run us off the road, and what about....". Exhausting being me sometimes. Can you believe that stuff? That is what I do in life! Unbelievable I know. I realized this sad truth about myself the other day when I was worrying myself to hives over something that is literally 5000 miles down the road in the road trip called life.

I am grateful for the realization of this character flaw of mine. I can't believe it took me this long to get the hint that so many loved ones have been trying to tell me. I suppose it is because, one I am a stubborn person and insist on learning the hard way and two, I am a visual learner, so when I came up with the idea of comparing myself to a road trip I relly saw what I was doing to myself and my family.

So, rather than literally freaking out all the time I am from here on out going to stop worrying about all the stuff that is so far down the road that I have absolutely no control over. I am going to relax, enjoy the present company in "the car", be thrilled about detours and pit stops and look for the positive opportunities in each. Now, if you can imagine what the pit stops and detours would be in life you can imagine what a new challenge this will be for me. But ultimately I believe the key to a happy road trip is loving and being happy with your choices and travel companions.

It's Raining

It's raining; it's pouring.
The old man is snoring.
He bumped his head as he went to bed,
And couldn't get up in the morning.

Ah, such wonderful nursery rhymes we tell our children! Another version of this rhyme mentions the old man covering his head. When it is raining I too like to just curl up, cover my head, and never get out of bed; no, not even in the morning!
Figuratively speaking, it's raining; it's pouring...in my life. And once again, all I want to do is go to bed, cover my head, and NOT get up in the morning. I want to just sleep away the rain.

I know that when storms come in our lives there truly is an end. And when the storm ends there is sunshine! And what magnificent sunshine there will be! There are rainbows, birds singing, puddles to jump in, and that wonderful fresh and clean scent! Ah, I love a good storm.

I do not care so much for those life storms as much as I do nature, but I do look forward to those end results of the storm. Life seems brighter, cleaner, fresher, more fun and enjoyable; just like jumping in puddles and looking at rainbows.

So, WAKE UP, GET OUT OF BED! Face this storm prepared; with an umbrella, rubber boots, and a bucket; just in case it floods.

A big thank you to FreeFoto.com for the beautiful photos.

V-DAY

Ah, the dreaded Valentine's Day. I would have to say this is my absolute least favorite holiday of all. Yes, even being married I still dislike this day. I think so much of my dislike comes from deep, buried pain. I personally think that this holiday should only be meant for adults and kept outside work and kept from involving others around you. Have you seen the valentine's day episode of The Office? Need I say more about why it shouldn't be in the work place, school, or anywhere for that matter. At school it was a competition, at work, COMPETITION! So what about those of us who don't get valentines? And then there are all the dances or balls and if you don't get asked you're left with that humiliation for the rest of your school days. Did I hear you ask me if I have an issue with valentine's day? OF COURSE!

So, this year I decided to stop being the Grinch of Valentine's day, the Scrooge of all scrooges. I actually spent the .50 cents per candy gram and sent 3 to my daughter, one from each member of our little family. I began thinking about why I detest this holiday and decided I NEVER want my daughters to feel the same way. I want them to know they are loved, Valentine's Day and every day of the year. Does giving them little treats and cards and having tangle proof handed to them in their classroom prove my love? Of course not. But it does make one feel special to be remembered. I want to instill in them confidence and a lack of worry about the valentine day competition that they will inevitably face in their teenage years.

I enjoy the giving of love. It makes me feel good. If only I had understood that as a kid. I think the more one gives their love the more they receive love. I was a hog, a suck. I wanted all the love given to me without me having to give any thing first. Only when I learned this valuable lesson have I truly felt love. With my new outlook I should have a better attitude with valentine's day. And that is my goal. But at the same time I still cannot seem to get passed all the commercialization of holidays. I have that same overwhelming, dreary feeling come over me that I have to compete with someone or something. Will my daughter pass out the coolest, favorite cards? Will I give my husband the mushier or funnier card (this year I went with funny)? Augh, why must we torture ourselves over such trivial things?

Oh, in regards to those feelings of being the only child without a valentine I spoke to the school about allowing parents the opportunity to send a candy gram to a child who may not get one at all. I really wanted to save atleast one child's heart from breaking this year. The secretary explained to me that she had the same idea and she has already tallied who was getting grams and was figuring out who was not on the list and she and another lady in the office were personally sending one to each child. I asked her if I could contribute, she said it was already taken care of. I was so thrilled to hear that these sweet ladies were so thoughtful of each and every child. They were literally taking that "no child left behind" thing above and beyond. They did express gratitude for my sentiments and would take my idea into consideration for next year. I hope they do.

Oooo! I have an idea for my daughter! She has about 6 extra valentines. I am going to challenge her to give them to a child at lunch or on the play ground who is alone or who seems sad. I can't wait to hear from her tomorrow and how her day went!