Last Supper and The Garden of Gethsemane

My heart is full, full of sadness, sorrow, and even joy. This morning, in my reading of Jesus the Christ, I have finally made it to the account of The Last Supper and the Betrayal.

In reading of the apostles and their weakness and even, I think, stupidity at times, I wonder how I compare. In Christ's serving them they questioned and wondered, he spoke and they understood not, He prayed and they thought blankly with no understanding. How often has He spoken to me, through the Prophets and the Holy Ghost, and I sat blankly in a stupor, questioning the reality of the message? How often have I disregarded the message and chose disobedience and misery over the blessings that come from obedience? How often have I been weak and stupid?

Jesus asked the three apostles who attended Him to the Garden of Gathsemane "What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation" and then he added, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

How often I have felt this! My spirit yearning in great love to remain "awake" and be watchful and prayerful for His great return, but my weakness lies in my flesh succombing to temptation, and yes even falling asleep...spiritually and physically. The price He paid for me makes that pain that much more of a reality. But what joy fills my heart with the great and undoubting testimony that Jesus Christ lived and died for me. In moder-day scripture, found in Doctrine and Covenants section 19 verses 16-19 we read, "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent, but if they would not repent, they must suffer even as I, which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit: and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and shrink - nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finishsed my preparations unto the children of men." My heart is drawn to the words regarding repentance. Christ suffered so that if I repent I will be free from the pain of sin, but if I repent not I will suffer even as He did. My mind cannot even comprehend the pain He felt! I have felt pain for my sins, but nothing in comparison for what He felt.

I love my Savior. I am nothing without Him. What darkness would engulf me without the knowledge and love I have for Him and His gospel!