My Shoes

Today I had the "blessing" (if you attended you'd know what that was all about) of attending a conference called Time Out for Women. It was fantastic. A bit draining but fantastic non the less. The speaker I want to focus my thoughts on is Jane Clayson Johnson, a very well known anchor woman. She talked to us about embracing the season that we are individually in. She shared a story involving shoes and based the majority of the speech on shoes we wear. Her analogy was wonderful, I want to take it a step further and think about the shoes I wear and what they represent and how I feel about those shoes.

My first pair of shoes I want to write about are my running shoes. The summer before my 30th birthday the realization of my age hit me and the fact that I would only go down hill from there gave me the nudge to a better life style. I took up running and I attended the gym for weight training the off days of my 3 and 6 mile runs. I felt great! I was in the best shape of my LIFE! At 30! I was so happy with the results. I wore through a few pair of shoes. And each time I threw away a pair I was thrilled for the miles I would be putting on the new pair. Then I moved half way across the world. My life completely changed and so did my new found love of running and weight training. I haven't been out since I left Okinawa. It has been over 7 months. My running shoes no longer go running. They peddle a bike to drop off my daughter at school. They walk to the dumpster. They go to the park. And they get out for a rare stroll with my family. But for the most part they sit. I think they are very sad. They are not used for the purpose they were created. I think they want to get out. I think they miss the pounding of the pavement. Those shoes were very important to me. I found purchasing new ones an adventure. I even find memories in them. Will I ever be able to make the time to take them out again and allow them to fill the measure of their creation?

My old red, white, and blue striped flip flops. Boy could those shoes tell stories! They remind me of summers in Okinawa. They remind me of my many trips to the beach with my daughters. Soaking up the warm sun on the white beaches. Getting soaked with salt water. I do believe if you were brave enough to smell them you'd smell the ocean. They still have a "crusty" feel to them from all the dried salt encrusted and dried into the material of the shoe. They remind me of the awesome tan line they left across my feet that would last all winter long (Okinawa winters are like fall in the Mid West to Eastern part of the US). When the day comes that those flip flops lose their flop I shall give them a memorial service before I ever so lovingly toss them in the dumpster.

I went on a mission for my church. I felt it necessary to purchase these really expensive very uncomfortable Doc Martin boots. Those boots did some winter walking all over various parts of the north west part of New York. They played in snow, shoveled snow, and met many people along the way. I had forgotten about these boots. I so rarely needed them. Until one day I made a new friend. She invited me to go horseback riding, which, by the way if you have not looked at my profile I love horses. I needed to have a pair of boots and was just about to go buy a pair of official riding boots when I remembered my good ol' heavy, expensive, painful Doc Martins. They would do just fine for their new purpose. So, these old boots that still have perfect soles are now covered in unmentionable stuff. I love these boots now. Do you know why? Because when I pull them out of the shed where I keep them because of the "stuff" completely covering them, I know that I am going to be on the back of a horse, enjoying one of my favorite things to do.

I have this pair of brown Mary Jane pumps. They are my most feminine pair of shoes. I feel like a lady in them. I feel tall, graceful, beautiful. They are more than that though. I only wear them to church. When I see them in my closet they remind me of how important it is to always look my very best for the sabbath day. They remind me to be reverent, to walk not run, to be quiet not loud. They remind me of the many Sundays I have worn them to church and have felt the spirit, not because of the shoes I was wearing (that would be silly) but because of where I wore them...the house of the Lord.

Last Christmas my husband gave me a pair of shoes. They are black and well, I really can't quite describe them. They are cute. They are fun. They are casual, yet can be dressed up a bit. They make me feel trendy and youthful.

Now, a few years ago my husband had to return to the US for work. While he was back in the US I told him he had to go shopping for me. He did a wonderful job purchasing me some cloths. To my surprise he bought me 2 pair of shoes that are by far my "sexiest" shoes. I hardly ever wear them. But when I do I feel like a million dollars. One is a pair of high heeled black leather boots. The other is a pair of high heeled sandals that have skinny black leather straps across my toe region and these straps are gathered together with a leather flower type ornament. Why don't I wear these shoes very often you may wonder? First, I don't usually feel like a very "sexy" person. Second, I really do not have places to wear these shoes, nor do I have the right outfits to coordinate with them. I do wear them occasionally and when I do I look good, I feel good, and my husband loves it!

The last pair of shoes I want to mention are the shoes that inspired me to write this post. They are the shoes that brought me the most emotion at the conference. They are the shoes that cause me the most pain. They are the shoes that the speaker was most likely referring to in her analogy. These shoes are black. They are plain. They have gel insoles that I bought to purposely put in these shoes. When I see these shoes in my closet I dread the moment I have to put them on. On the weekend I hid them deep in my closet so I can forget I even own them. When the the time comes to put them on I slowly bend over, I look at them through the hanging cloths that are hiding them, I pause for a moment to remind myself of why I have to put them on. I reach for them, take them to the bed, and slowly put them on. The moment my foot is fully immersed within the depths of these horrid shoes my feet begin to swell and ache. But there is something that swells and aches far more than my feet, and that is my heart. Sound pathetic? NO! These are my work shoes. When this good lady was talking to us about embracing the season we are individually in I could only think of my family. Working away from my home is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Being a mother is all I have ever wanted to be. Making the choice to go back to work was beyond difficult for me. I enjoy my job, but I much more enjoy my calling in this life, which is to be the best darn Mother possible. So, when this good lady spoke of embracing "my" season, I was humbled. Together my husband and I had prayed about the best solution for our family during the next 3 years while he completes his Physics Degree. The solution was not just difficult to embrace but it was also the only "inspired" solution, and that was for me to support my husband. I have struggled with it from day one. And now, today, I have made the conscious decision to reach for those shoes with less resentment and more faith. I will put them on and know that the physical discomfort that comes from them is temporary and that the work I do will have lasting effects not on my physical body but on my family's stability in the future. I will hold my head high, lift my spirit, trust in the Lord and know that I am embracing, in its fullness, the season I am in.