Just a Dream

There is blackness surrounding me, my body seems numb to everything around. I muster everything I have within me just to reach forward, nothing. I have no strength. Wait, there is a light up ahead. It is getting brighter. Suddenly with the most subtle yet amazing force I become aware of my surroundings. Water, why am I in water? I vaguely remember falling in the pool, but what happened, why can't I move? I think I have become a fish, no, that would be silly, but I think I can breath in the water. Of course not, how could I breath underwater? I think I am alive, I think I hear my heart beating. I will try to breath. Yes, if I take very little breaths I will be able to breath like a fish. That is so silly of me, I cannot do that! Alright, I'll try. I think it is working. Now, I just need to get some one's attention and get help. I still cannot seem to move. I must have fallen in hours ago. Why hasn't someone found me yet.
Under the water I hear faint voices, they are growing louder. Yes! Someone has found me. What is that they are saying? I am dead? No, I am not! Please someone pull me out, save me! I feel several hands pulling me out and gently laying me on the ground next to the pool. I sense their gazes yet see no faces. I feel as though their expressions are burning me alive. Almost as if on cue I am able to move, but this is not how I want to be moving. Why am I shaking so uncontrollably? My whole body seems to be seizing! Oh, what is wrong with me? Everyone around me is in complete shock. I hear their voices but I do not understand, "dead...now sort of alive...somethings not right with her...help...who?"
I cannot speak but I am now gaining more feeling and becoming more aware of my surroundings, I am able to sit up and walk, sort of. I am in a car, where are they taking me. Why does everyone keep looking at me with such fear and horror in their eyes. Will someone please get me blanket? I am freezing, and why am I still shaking?
I recognize this place. This is where I go to church. Why did they bring me here. Who are all these people. A face I do not recognize is right in front of me. This unknown face has hands on my face holding me. I slowly hear, "We...have...brought...you...to..the...elders...they...will...know...what...to...do..."
What to do? What did he mean what to do? I am assisted into the building. More gawking faces and open mouthed stares. Have I turned purple, grown a second head? What is this all about? I am seated at the end of a very long table and there are Elders surrounding me. They are visiting amongst each other and all speaking ceases upon my arrival. The one in charge stands and with some sort of unknown power my shaking calms, my ears are opened. This Man comes around the table, kneels beside me and thus explains, "you have died. For some reason, you are, well, sort of stuck. This is why you are shaking, you cannot hear, you do not have all your senses. Your spirit is lingering when it should not. You are not supposed to be here. You need to move on." He pauses, allowing me time to absorb it all. I speak but with incredible difficulty, "I do not understand, why is this happening?" He continues, "We do not fully understand ourselves. But you are not meant to be here and you need to leave now. Over a hundred years ago an old steam engine train would run through this area. Part of that track runs through this very spot. You must lie here across the spirit of that old track and allow the spirit of the train to take what is left of you away."
"No, No, this cannot be! I don't want to leave, please, No!"
"You must! You are not supposed to be here!"
Tears are pouring from my eyes as if someone just turned on a faucet. The shaking returns, but much worse this time. And once again, I cannot hear. I see the faces of those around me, where is my family? Why have they not come? I scream within myself, no one hears. They gently lay me on the floor and more people gather around. I read their lips and they say "it is time" and "it will be OK". Out of no where I hear a train and feel the shaking of the "spirit tracks" that I am laying across. Fear engulfs me, I cannot stand it any longer. The sounds of the "spirit train" are deafening. "Please stop it now!"
My room is dark, not even a speck of light coming through the windows. "Oh, please let it have been only a very bad dream!" I lay in my bed, unable to move, my eyes moving rapidly across my room looking for some sign of life or light. Nothing. That same feeling of fear has returned with great force, I cannot breath and my chest feels like someone is sitting on it. I call out, "Mom"! Nothing. I call again. And again nothing. I begin to panic and now I feel the only answer is to give into the despair that has engulfed me. I try one more time to call out "MOM!" this time with a force I knew I had not. My Mother and Father both come rushing to my side. My room is filled with a light from the hall. "What is it, what happened" they both ask with wide eyes and a look I'd never seen. "I died" I told them between uneasy breaths and sobs, some might say hysterical. "I died". "And when I woke from the dream, I woke to a sense of deadness in my room. Even a weight was crushing down on my chest". My mother held me as I cried and regained an even breathing pattern. My father said a prayer to give me peace and comfort. I fell asleep in my Mother's arms.

This is a true story. I had this experience about 14 years ago. Though it was so long ago I still see it and feel it as if it just happened. I have never forgotten. It was an experience that causes me to reflect. Not the dream so to speak, but the feeling I had when I woke from the dream. That "crushing feeling" was real. I cannot deny it. I have experienced the feeling of despair and the crushing feeling more than once in my life. I am a fighter, I will not give in.