school days

That time of year when cheep O' photographers make their attempt at taking your child's photo has come and gone. Boy does it bring back memories! I'd probably forgot about those moments with some stranger in my face telling me to turn or lift my head or do this or that, if I didn't have the evidance to prove the awkwardness of the moment. These young school days for my daughters do bring back a funny memory that does not involve wierd photographers.

It was the beginning of 5th grade, my parents had just uprooted our family again and moved us to a new city. I had decided that this new town and school was going to be the best experience of my life, I was a new girl in a new place. The night before the first day of school I dreamed of what the first day would be like. This is how it went...

Dressed in the most amazing "rock star" outfit I could pull off I walked up to the double doors of the elementary school, two men in black suits awaited my arrival and as I approached them they held the doors open for me. Just with in the doors the principal stood with micraphone in hand, students lining the hall clapping and cheering, the principle announced, "Welcome Suzy! Our new super star student!" I walked down the line of students smiling and giving a high five to out stretched hands eagerly awaiting a touch of my hand.

Hahahaha! I crack myself up! Think it came true?

Last Supper and The Garden of Gethsemane

My heart is full, full of sadness, sorrow, and even joy. This morning, in my reading of Jesus the Christ, I have finally made it to the account of The Last Supper and the Betrayal.

In reading of the apostles and their weakness and even, I think, stupidity at times, I wonder how I compare. In Christ's serving them they questioned and wondered, he spoke and they understood not, He prayed and they thought blankly with no understanding. How often has He spoken to me, through the Prophets and the Holy Ghost, and I sat blankly in a stupor, questioning the reality of the message? How often have I disregarded the message and chose disobedience and misery over the blessings that come from obedience? How often have I been weak and stupid?

Jesus asked the three apostles who attended Him to the Garden of Gathsemane "What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation" and then he added, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

How often I have felt this! My spirit yearning in great love to remain "awake" and be watchful and prayerful for His great return, but my weakness lies in my flesh succombing to temptation, and yes even falling asleep...spiritually and physically. The price He paid for me makes that pain that much more of a reality. But what joy fills my heart with the great and undoubting testimony that Jesus Christ lived and died for me. In moder-day scripture, found in Doctrine and Covenants section 19 verses 16-19 we read, "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent, but if they would not repent, they must suffer even as I, which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit: and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and shrink - nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finishsed my preparations unto the children of men." My heart is drawn to the words regarding repentance. Christ suffered so that if I repent I will be free from the pain of sin, but if I repent not I will suffer even as He did. My mind cannot even comprehend the pain He felt! I have felt pain for my sins, but nothing in comparison for what He felt.

I love my Savior. I am nothing without Him. What darkness would engulf me without the knowledge and love I have for Him and His gospel!

Jesus' Parables

In my reading of Jesus the Christ I recently studied 3 different parables taught by the great Teacher. Found in Matthew chapter 25 we read about 3 very important lessons that are taught in a way that will be remembered and applied. That is one reason I love Jesus. He teaches in such a way that I am able to visualize myself into His teachings and it is easy to see how it applies to me.

These 3 parables are in a chronological order that makes me think that it was done on purpose. If you take each parable you will see my thinking as well.

First Jesus tells the parable of the 10 Virgins. The message: Watch and Be Prepared. Then he tells the parable of the Entrusted Talents. The message: Take what he has given us and multiply it. The final parable, to me, wraps it all together; it is the parable of the dividing of the sheep from the goats. The message: Judgement at the last days.

I know that a thorough study of Christ's teachings, both within the Bible and the Book of Mormon, will not only prepare us for this life but the life to come. Being ever watchful for His return, doing all within our power to prepare both spiritually and physically for His return, taking the talents He has bestowed upon each of us so graciously and not only adding upon them in quantity but in quality as well, and then when He comes again and calls us to His presence we will be able to stand before Him good and faithful servants on His right side.

It is my greatest prayer and hope that all may come to this knowledge so that when He comes again we may each receive our reward.

A Good Laugh

This is too funny, I must share first thing this morning. Lydia is sitting with me before we head out the door for school, today is my first day to volunteer in her classroom.

So, Lydia asked to see the pictures I have along the right side of the blog. When she saw a particular photo of Emily, it's only the five hundredth time to see the photo, she had an epiphany about the photo. I want you to stop for a moment in your reading, scroll down to the photo of Emily that is titled Sand Creature. Ok, have you done it? If you have keep that image in mind and listen to Lydia's epiphany...

"Emily looks like corn on the cob rolled in butter."

Haahhaaahha!

She is always good for a laugh! Hope you have a great day!

Attitude

I have new goals. Goals of being better. How? I don't know. I'm still figuring that out. The list is endless...better pianist, better at guitar practice, better photographer, better wife, better mother, better writer... Is that too much? They say you should never bite off more than you can chew. I'm not really biting or chewing, right now I am just preparing the menu.

I work with the youth at my church and I was visiting with one of the 17 year old girls. I told her how I had always wanted to be a photographer for national geographic, she asked why I hadn't done it yet, my response, "I am chicken". She chuckled and said it wasn't too late. I always figured I was too late for all my "dreams".

So, this conversation along with many other such moments over the past week has given me a new attitude. I haven't ever really known what I wanted, let alone how to get what I wanted. I did know for a fact, without doubt, a short list of things I wanted and would not give up on, that short list has been accomplished, now what do I do? That list includes a mission for my church, marriage to an amazing man, be a mother. CHECK! On top of all this itch, as some people might call it, I am getting older...is 32 too old to be a dreamer? I want to do something, be someone! I just don't know where to start. I suppose the answer would be...Today.

So, this whole thought process also caused me to reflect on the things that I am grateful for. I find myself getting caught up too often in the past and what I haven't done and probably never will, that I neglect to see the BOUNTEOUS blessings right in front of me.

An Attitude of Gratitude I feel at this time. I am grateful for the mind I have been given, the love to learn. I am grateful for the love of music I have within me. I am grateful for the gift of having an eye for beauty. I am grateful for a husband who loves me more than my wildest dreams. I am grateful for daughters who are incredibly talented and have chosen me to be their biggest fan.

I have a question for you and would love more than anything to have your comments.

What do you want to do when you grow up? I figure if you are anything like me you haven't grown up yet. I wonder at times if I ever will. We'll see.

Teeth

Have you ever heard the comment about our life cycle? The one about infants to geriatrics and how much alike the beginning and end are?

Just check out this photo of my Emily. I keep telling her that if she keeps losing teeth she will soon need dentures. Poor girl has another loose tooth, that will make 3 empty spots on top and 3 on bottom. I keep wondering how she even bites anything. I wiggled her new loose tooth and laughed, "You have the funniest teeth of any kid I have ever seen". She laughed along and made some silly toothless grin at me.

So, I was thinking about the oddity that teeth are. I have observed the rate at which Emily's teeth fall out verses the actual return of teeth in those empty spaces. When I get old and my teeth start to fall out, once again, will they fall out gradually or all at once? I think I'd rather them all fall out at once, just like Emily. That way I get just go to the Denture Guy and say with my mumbly lisp, "I need thum new teeth pleath". Maybe I would just go with my shiny new gums and work on funny faces, like pulling my lip up over my face, to pull at all the gawkers.

Speaking of getting old, I am getting old. I have precious metal shimmering in my hair and crowns in my mouth! I MUST be royalty!

First Day

Well today marks the day that many young mothers dread and others anticipate with much enthusiasm. I am the latter. But today when I said goodbye to my baby girl Lydia and watched her rather tall figure for a kindergartener walk through the double doors my heart gave a little twist. She was so strong and brave, though I could tell in her goodbye that she was nervous. She wouldn't even look at me, possibly out of fear she might cry, but then again, maybe she is more grown up than I thought and she was too afraid kids might see her hugging her Mom.

Emily was a brave girl as well. She is a big 2nd grader now and show no sign of fear, although she was aweful quiet, bashful maybe but definately not a weak girl.

The first day of school holds such wonder and anticipation for all involved. I noticed so many new pairs of shoes and clothing, crisp, clean, and unstained. Brand new backpacks doning the child's favorite character or rock star, although my children will never mistake their special hand painted back packs. Parents looking confused as to which door their child lines up at, and of course the kindergarten parents in large mass huddled around their wide eyed child who stands silent and immovable for the first time in months.

Cameras going off in all directions and children with so few smiles. I actually had to make a deal with Lydia to get even one picture and she didn't even want to turn her head to look at me, it was a picture of her new backpack. I gave up on getting a face shot of her and went for Emily. She wanted a photo of her back pack that was updated with new paint and glitter. And no joke, never fails, my battery died! I was so disappointed. I had hoped to get a photo of Lydia entering the school and Emily ready to begin 2nd grade. But no such luck today. I will just have to settle with photos of the exiting.

Even now as I sit in my quite house all alone for 2 and a half hours my mind is on Emily and Lydia. Are they adjusting ok? Are they relaxing at all? Are they happy? My sweet daughters. This is the end of them being little girls and the beginning of them becoming little ladies. I have longed for the time Lydia would enter Kindergarten with dreams and hopes of all the many things I would accomplish, the weight I would loose. But now, I sit and catch up on bills and do a little writing and think only of how my baby girl, my Lydia will no longer be home with me all day long asking when we were going to go pick up Emily from school. I am sure that by tomorrow the feelings of lonliness for my sweet baby will be gone and I will feel ready to go out and tackle the road as planned. I mean, she is ONLY gone for 2 and half hours! This will be a piece of cake. Now, next year when she is gone ALL day, that will be a whole new story. I may just have to get a job at their school!

What do I lack?

As I have mentioned, I have been reading Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage. He discusses in chapter 27 the story found in Matthew 19:16-26; Mark 10:17-27; and Luke 18:18-30. This is the story of the young rich man who approaches Jesus and first tells Jesus everything he is doing correctly and then asks, "what lack I yet". He was obviously a good man, faithful and obedient, and He believed in Jesus. But when Jesus said, "one thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me", the young man was sad at the thought of leaving behind his great wealth and possessions. Talmage says that "everyone of us may pertinently ask, What do I lack?"

I have been deep in thought since reading this section of the book over 4 days ago. I believe Christ has asked all of us to do this; to ponder on the way we live our lives and come to him and ask where we are lacking in our devotion to Him. What a difficult thing to do. I find myself more like the young man than I ever imagined I could be. I literally came up with a list of things to strip myself of and every single one would be difficult to rid my life of. Why? Probably for the same reasons the young man found it difficult. I have become attached to such worldly possessions and "entertainments" and some of them have such a hold on my heart that I think it would be too painful to part with them. Of course all of these things are trivial and certainly will not assist me in entering the kingdom of God. So, why am I not more willing to swiftly rid my life of such unnecessary weight. Why not exercise more self control and relieve myself of such heavy burdens that weigh upon my soul.

I look around me and see distractions and clutter everywhere. Things that will not pass with me into the next life. I rationalize and wonder are we really required to give up everything! Things that bring enjoyment and pleasure in this life? But I also thing that the lesson to be learned goes deeper than just possessions. Am I serving Him with all my heart, might, mind, and strength? Am I living my life to its fullest potential? Even yet, do I hide my talents under a bushel and show them not unto the world? So the question at hand, what do I lack, is so overwhelming to me. Where do I even begin?

I heard an analogy once about a camel. In order for a camel to enter through the eye of the city he would have to be completely stripped down and then crawl through. The labor involved is probably extensive. I imagine the old days when a camel would be weighed down with tents, food, and other provisions. The work it would take for the traveler to remove everything from off of his camel just to enter the safety offered on the other side of the walls. I will add further to the analogy with this, imagine the traveler packed all of his Cd's, DVDs, scrapbooks, collectibles, and treasures, onto the back of the camel, along with all the necessary things such as food and water. The weight that the camel would have to carry, and unnecessary weight, would be hard to bare. If the camel did ever make it to the safety of the city he would be too tired to even crawl through the eye once he was stripped down.

What do I lack? The courage to do whatever is necessary to free myself of all unnecessary baggage. I am ashamed. My list of things keeping me from entering the "eye of the city" is long, it is heavy, and it is nothing compared to the peace and safety that awaits if I strip myself of all ungodliness and follow Christ.