An interesting topic for you today, death. I am on my final week of my first class back to school and it has been all about human development. This final chapter is about death, dying, and bereavement. I am still young but I cannot help contemplating this inevitable event. I want to put down my thoughts about this so that I can think more clearly in regards to the part, "What about my family?". I have always hated the idea of dying young and leaving my family to live long lives without me. I admit, I am greedy and selfish and do not want to share them, not with anyone. They are mine, all mine.
But with this chapter one of the reflection questions asked what we thought of death. My heart was wrenched and torn into a million pieces and I reminded myself again that I am not allowed to leave before my family has grown to a ripe old age and my husband and I die together in each others arms. Well, I sucked up that mentality and tried to think more clearly and decided a very difficult thing. That difficult thing is this...
I could not ever imagine my life without my children and husband. I would be heart broken to leave them. I had never taken the time to think about them and how would they get on without a mother and a wife. I had always felt that if they couldn't have me then they got no one. Young children need a mother, young men need a wife. As painful as it is for me to admit this, I would never want them to suffer and long for a woman in the house just to please their dead wife and mother. I would want them to be happy. I would want them to be taken care of. Ouch, this hurts.
I am done venting this. I am just deciding here and now that I am going no where and if I have to then the woman who takes my place better be DARN AMAZING!!! Oh wait, maybe I wouldn't want her to be better than me, because then my sweet children and husband would forget all about me. So, I'd be alright with her being just OK.
6 comments:
Very interesting post. I found it particularly interesting that you didn't entertain the thought of one your you family dying before you. I'm not saying that I wish death to any of you. I just found it interesting.
On another note I must say that I am completely opposite from you. I have an intense fear...almost a phobia I think, of living a long time. I try not to think out living past the age of 40 cause I get all torn up about it. A bit weird huh? Perhaps.
This is something that I've thought about quite a few times. On our flight back from Miami last week I was getting myself all worked up that what if the plane went down, where would the kids go, etc. Plus, I hate the thought of Lane remarrying. But, I came to the same conclusion as you. I guess if it came to that, though, hopefully she'll also be a widow and sealed to that husband!! Why do we let our minds wander and worry about somthing we have no control over? All we can do is live so that if tomorow we die, our families will know we love them and what was important to us.
Hey girls! THanks for the feedback. Heather, I have thought about one of my family members leaving before me. It is far more painful than the idea of Kevin remarrying. I hope my children out live me. As I heard once before, can't recall where, A parent should never out live their child, or something like that. Oh, it was more like, A parent should never have to see their child die, or whatever you get the point. Liz, I have been thinking about you. How was your trip. I am sorry for being a total FLOP in contacting you. I hope you won't hold it against me for~
SO.... was the post on Death the "death" of your blog?? ;)
I enjoyed reading the other points of view. I lean more toward Suzanna in that I can hardly bare the thought of my children or husband passing before me. What would I do? Who would be as cozy as my husband? Who would make me feel the way I do when I am with him? How could I go on with the thought that my child didn't get to enjoy all that life has to offer? ETC... I think of a conversation I had with a dear friend more than once: "Heavenly Father wouldn't take me young because my family needs me way to much! Who would care for my family the way I do? Who would be worthy? Who would be patient and unconditional? (So forth...)" That friend was taken from this life a year ago next week. She was not yet 26 and left behind three boys (ages 4, 3, and one) and a devoted husband. It has devastated that little family. Sadly, the boys will barely remember their mother. The husband aches for his wife. Her mother and siblings miss her terribly. BUT, it is in Gods hands. He has a purpose in all things. Suzanna mentioned that she would ache for the loss of her family if she passed first. I am not sure if that is so. I think we will long for them, pray for them, but we will be in a peaceful wonderful place, and that time, as we know, will pass much more quickly for us then the ones that go on living. May we all just remember to focus on our lives HERE and NOW. In my closing remarks at my friends memorial service I said something to the affect of "if Aaron could say anything to us right now I am sure she would tell us to live every precious moment of our lives to the fullest". I want to work for that goal.
Cassandra
Cassandra, thank you for your post. I too thought of Erin as I wrote this post on Death. It is people like Erin, who have passed at young ages, who remind me to not take anything for granted.
Post a Comment