Teeth

Have you ever heard the comment about our life cycle? The one about infants to geriatrics and how much alike the beginning and end are?

Just check out this photo of my Emily. I keep telling her that if she keeps losing teeth she will soon need dentures. Poor girl has another loose tooth, that will make 3 empty spots on top and 3 on bottom. I keep wondering how she even bites anything. I wiggled her new loose tooth and laughed, "You have the funniest teeth of any kid I have ever seen". She laughed along and made some silly toothless grin at me.

So, I was thinking about the oddity that teeth are. I have observed the rate at which Emily's teeth fall out verses the actual return of teeth in those empty spaces. When I get old and my teeth start to fall out, once again, will they fall out gradually or all at once? I think I'd rather them all fall out at once, just like Emily. That way I get just go to the Denture Guy and say with my mumbly lisp, "I need thum new teeth pleath". Maybe I would just go with my shiny new gums and work on funny faces, like pulling my lip up over my face, to pull at all the gawkers.

Speaking of getting old, I am getting old. I have precious metal shimmering in my hair and crowns in my mouth! I MUST be royalty!

First Day

Well today marks the day that many young mothers dread and others anticipate with much enthusiasm. I am the latter. But today when I said goodbye to my baby girl Lydia and watched her rather tall figure for a kindergartener walk through the double doors my heart gave a little twist. She was so strong and brave, though I could tell in her goodbye that she was nervous. She wouldn't even look at me, possibly out of fear she might cry, but then again, maybe she is more grown up than I thought and she was too afraid kids might see her hugging her Mom.

Emily was a brave girl as well. She is a big 2nd grader now and show no sign of fear, although she was aweful quiet, bashful maybe but definately not a weak girl.

The first day of school holds such wonder and anticipation for all involved. I noticed so many new pairs of shoes and clothing, crisp, clean, and unstained. Brand new backpacks doning the child's favorite character or rock star, although my children will never mistake their special hand painted back packs. Parents looking confused as to which door their child lines up at, and of course the kindergarten parents in large mass huddled around their wide eyed child who stands silent and immovable for the first time in months.

Cameras going off in all directions and children with so few smiles. I actually had to make a deal with Lydia to get even one picture and she didn't even want to turn her head to look at me, it was a picture of her new backpack. I gave up on getting a face shot of her and went for Emily. She wanted a photo of her back pack that was updated with new paint and glitter. And no joke, never fails, my battery died! I was so disappointed. I had hoped to get a photo of Lydia entering the school and Emily ready to begin 2nd grade. But no such luck today. I will just have to settle with photos of the exiting.

Even now as I sit in my quite house all alone for 2 and a half hours my mind is on Emily and Lydia. Are they adjusting ok? Are they relaxing at all? Are they happy? My sweet daughters. This is the end of them being little girls and the beginning of them becoming little ladies. I have longed for the time Lydia would enter Kindergarten with dreams and hopes of all the many things I would accomplish, the weight I would loose. But now, I sit and catch up on bills and do a little writing and think only of how my baby girl, my Lydia will no longer be home with me all day long asking when we were going to go pick up Emily from school. I am sure that by tomorrow the feelings of lonliness for my sweet baby will be gone and I will feel ready to go out and tackle the road as planned. I mean, she is ONLY gone for 2 and half hours! This will be a piece of cake. Now, next year when she is gone ALL day, that will be a whole new story. I may just have to get a job at their school!

What do I lack?

As I have mentioned, I have been reading Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage. He discusses in chapter 27 the story found in Matthew 19:16-26; Mark 10:17-27; and Luke 18:18-30. This is the story of the young rich man who approaches Jesus and first tells Jesus everything he is doing correctly and then asks, "what lack I yet". He was obviously a good man, faithful and obedient, and He believed in Jesus. But when Jesus said, "one thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me", the young man was sad at the thought of leaving behind his great wealth and possessions. Talmage says that "everyone of us may pertinently ask, What do I lack?"

I have been deep in thought since reading this section of the book over 4 days ago. I believe Christ has asked all of us to do this; to ponder on the way we live our lives and come to him and ask where we are lacking in our devotion to Him. What a difficult thing to do. I find myself more like the young man than I ever imagined I could be. I literally came up with a list of things to strip myself of and every single one would be difficult to rid my life of. Why? Probably for the same reasons the young man found it difficult. I have become attached to such worldly possessions and "entertainments" and some of them have such a hold on my heart that I think it would be too painful to part with them. Of course all of these things are trivial and certainly will not assist me in entering the kingdom of God. So, why am I not more willing to swiftly rid my life of such unnecessary weight. Why not exercise more self control and relieve myself of such heavy burdens that weigh upon my soul.

I look around me and see distractions and clutter everywhere. Things that will not pass with me into the next life. I rationalize and wonder are we really required to give up everything! Things that bring enjoyment and pleasure in this life? But I also thing that the lesson to be learned goes deeper than just possessions. Am I serving Him with all my heart, might, mind, and strength? Am I living my life to its fullest potential? Even yet, do I hide my talents under a bushel and show them not unto the world? So the question at hand, what do I lack, is so overwhelming to me. Where do I even begin?

I heard an analogy once about a camel. In order for a camel to enter through the eye of the city he would have to be completely stripped down and then crawl through. The labor involved is probably extensive. I imagine the old days when a camel would be weighed down with tents, food, and other provisions. The work it would take for the traveler to remove everything from off of his camel just to enter the safety offered on the other side of the walls. I will add further to the analogy with this, imagine the traveler packed all of his Cd's, DVDs, scrapbooks, collectibles, and treasures, onto the back of the camel, along with all the necessary things such as food and water. The weight that the camel would have to carry, and unnecessary weight, would be hard to bare. If the camel did ever make it to the safety of the city he would be too tired to even crawl through the eye once he was stripped down.

What do I lack? The courage to do whatever is necessary to free myself of all unnecessary baggage. I am ashamed. My list of things keeping me from entering the "eye of the city" is long, it is heavy, and it is nothing compared to the peace and safety that awaits if I strip myself of all ungodliness and follow Christ.

Bragging

As avid readers might find I tend to share insights into the "world of Suzanna". That means I share everything I can possibly think of to share about myself. I don't open up to just anyone about my thoughts and views on life, especially in the spoken word.

I recently wrote about the book Emma by Jane Austin and the great new things I learned about myself. My sister, Cassandra, commented on that post telling me I needed to spend some time bragging a bit, rather than always "reporting" the things I learned about my negative nature. As many may find, bragging can be rather difficult. I personally find that reporting my self -discoveries of inadequacy much easier. My sister's comment has gotten me thinking this bright new morning. I find it difficult to admit that I think I have some really, pretty awesome, character traits, maybe even a skill or two. Why is it that the majority of the human race does that?

Think of the animal kingdom for instance...The cheetah knows he is the fastest cat and can pretty much catch anything he wants. Does he ever stop and say, "I am nothing, I will never be able to catch that animal. He is far to fast for me. I will just lay here under this tree and eat bugs that crawl on my paw"?

And what about the shark? Does he decide to quit swimming the oceans and just sink to the bottom like a brick and say to himself, "I am not scary enough, my teeth are not sharp enough, I will never be able to eat another seal, they are too good for me"?

Animals would never do that, so why would the human race, supposedly the higher life forms on this planet, do that? God created us in his image. I don't think that means just our physical features. How does God feel when we don't amount up to all he created us to be? When I think of a loving parent that parent wants their children to grow up to be their very best selves, to amount to all the potential there little selves can possibly be. I don't know any "loving" parent who would tell their child, "you will NEVER be able to do that, you are nothing, why are you even bothering".

In regards to what my sister said, I feel that I have done quite a bit of bragging on this site. If you have read my posts you will find that I have learned, grown, and even boasted on a thing or two. Even just having a blog and making it available to the world says, "I think I have something important to share, I think I have the potential to be a decent writer someday, I have amazing kids...let me show you their faces".

But in humoring my sister I will have to say that one of my favorite qualities that I possess is the ability to admit when I have failed, and after admitting my failure I do all I can to correct it and not fail again. See, I have the skill of turning something negative into a positive! :)

A Good Samaritan

The parable of the Good Samaritan is a parable that most people are aware of. I grew up hearing the story and I have read it numerous times as an adult. Only this morning have I read it in a way that at first humiliated me and now has humbled me.

In Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage he discusses this parable and says, "Doubtless priest as well as Levite salved his conscience with ample excuse for is inhumane conduct; he may have been in a hurry, or was fearful, perhaps, that the robbers would return and make him also a victim of their outrage."

Never in all my times of reading and hearing the parable have I thought of what the 2 who passed by may have been thinking or feeling at the sight of the injured man. I always had hoped that I would be like the Samaritan. Here lies my problem. I never honestly looked deeply enough at the story or myself in order to truly find which I may be like.

The other day my girls and I were driving down a rode and just in front of us was a young man on a bike with no helmet. With in seconds he hit a pot hole, more like a crater, and flew head over heals in the worst looking bike accident I had ever witnessed. My heart stopped, and I immediately debated if it would be OK to stop and assist. I was afraid to. I won't even tell you all the many excuses that ran through my mind preventing me from stopping. A short way from the boy I finally turned around, and just as I did so car after car pulled over to assist the boy. I was too late. I had witnessed it and I failed. I am sick at myself for failing to help the boy. I am sick at myself for being exactly like the Priest and the Levite from the timeless parable of the Good Samaritan. I had passed by only looking and continued on my way in fear.

While reading the parable this morning my mind not only reflected back on this particular moment where fear kept me from serving my neighbor but also to many other very similar moments, but maybe had an "excuse" of being in a hurry. "Excuses are easy to find; they spring up as readily and plentifully as weeds by the wayside." Oh how I long to not be afraid or in too much of a hurry to be like the Samaritan in the story, "having a compassionate heart and no excuse".

(all quotes are found on page 401 of Jesus the Christ)

Lessons from Emma

My current read is Emma by Jane Austin. When I told my husband that I was learning new things about myself while reading the book he laughed. He has started a new thing by giving me a hard time for reading fiction. "You and your FICTION", he says to me. I reply with, "You and your TEXT books. You are just JEALOUS".

As readers of Jane Austin know, her books speak a great deal of society and what is proper. If I lived during those times I would have been a vulgar, unrefined, and shunned woman. My least favorite character in the book is not a major character, practically a side note. But this character has none the less effected me in a huge way. I have had let's say, a huge awakening!

This character rambles endlessly barely without even taking a breath. She changes topic without even finishing the previous topic or sentence for that matter. She speaks way too quickly and loudly and gives no thought for other people's thoughts or their ears for that matter. While reading the pages where this woman speaks I just cringe. I almost want to skip those pages, but fearing I miss some important detail to the plot of the story I continue on painfully. But of course I never would have missed anything of importance had I skipped her ramblings.

This is exactly why I learned a great deal of myself from this story, in particular this wretched woman! I have realized that over my 30 years of being able to actually form words and have them come out of my mouth I have developed 4 bad habits.

I feel I have developed the first 2 by growing up in a big family where I was number 6 of 7 kids and if I ever wanted (still applies today) to say anything at all I would have to speak quickly and loudly.

Bad Habit #1...Speaking too quickly
Bad Habit #2...Speaking too loudly

And then once I left home and no longer had to compete to get a word in I learned that people actually don't always have something to say, so there was silence, and seeing a good opportunity to say what I wanted, I snatched it right up.

Bad Habit #3...Talking excessively

Now my final bad habit in communication was the biggest shocker of them all. This one actually applies in my marriage. It has been the key source to all miscommunication, lack of communication, and everything involved with communication.

Bad Habit #4...My word is NOT the final word

"Holy Cow! You mean my thoughts and feelings are NOT all that matter???"
I actually have to laugh at myself over this one. I realized that just last night and I almost had one of those moments where you stop dead in your tracks and with gaping mouth and wide eyes say, "I suck!" (objectionable or inadequate (Webster's dict).

So, with all this new found knowledge about my BAD HABITS in communication I hope that I can now apply my new goals of improving in my communication and no longer be what high society would find as vulgar and disgraceful. Come to think of it I don't think just "high society" would find me that way. Hmm.

Here's to being wise.

Monsters and Light Switches

When teaching my girls about life and emotions I try to think up ways of explaining those things in a way that they might understand. Just 10 minutes ago I came up with a rather good one that must be shared.

At times I feel as though my blood is boiling and I am going to explode at any moment. Well, that is how I feel, but children don't understand boiling very well and hopefully don't know what exploding means. So, rather than continuing to be short fused and agitated and continuing to hurt my sweet girls' feelings with my negative energy I sat them down and very animatedly, because that is me...animated, I explained to them that I feel as though there are a million little monsters running through my veins screaming and yelling and these little monsters make me feel like running around screaming and yelling and want to tear something up. Their eyes got wide with fear! I explained to them that I do not want to do that, that I do not want to be angry, so I needed them to first take their own extreme energy levels down and to also take a nap.

So, that is the picture, now I'll explain why I have all these little monsters in my veins. Emily, sweet hearted and sensitive, has been whining and crying over everything and untypically disrespectful toward me with her words and attitude. Lydia, the head strong independent extreme physical energy type, has been running, bouncing, tackling, etc. To top things off I was babysitting a little girl who is a combination of Emily and Lydia but half the size so that makes her 10 times more extreme. We also had fun plans for the afternoon which got canceled, not on our part, and all of us were upset over this. I told the girls I needed them to go to their rooms for a nap until Dad came home with the car and rescued us from the confines of apartment living.

Ahhhh. I feel so much better.

Another, oh I don't know what you'd call it, "thing" I use to tell my children about hard to understand topics is in regards to emotions as well.

As I previously mentioned, Lydia is my child whose emotions are all extreme, anger to happiness. So, one day I sat her down, near a light switch. I explained to her some of the different feelings we have. She too contributed in this part. I explained that there is a time to have certain feelings and there is a time to not have certain feelings. That we are in control of those feelings, and that we should stay in control at all times. I showed her how I physically go to the light and can turn the light on and off. I let her try a couple times. Then I said, "our feelings are like this light switch, it is your choice whether to turn the light on or off. When you feel angry, turn off the anger, and turn on the happy." We talked about ways to turn off the anger, like a time out, a quiet time, a hug, etc.

Since this talk with Lydia I have rarely had to remind her. She has grown so much in controlling those negative feelings. I am so relieved to see that she is gaining control a lot sooner than I ever did. Shoot, I am still working at controlling my own personal switch. I think that is what provoked the whole discussion. I noticed how much Lydia is like me and I didn't want her to be like me in a negative way. I want to be a better person for her/them.

Book Club

I just returned from my first book club EVER! What a wonderful sort of club. Why have I not been a part of one sooner? The book was called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I read it last night and this morning. Quick read, but really enlightening. Half the group liked the book the other half did not. It is a parable of sorts. I enjoyed looking for the applications to real life. I also enjoyed the many "pearls of wisdom" throughout the book. I actually took notes because my copy of the book, which I bought, had not arrived yet and I was panicking about not having read the book so I called the hostess and asked to borrow her copy. Because it was a loaned copy I didn't want to make little marks and such. I will reread the book and mark as I please. I do that with my scriptures. The book is absolutely nothing compared to scripture but the message in the book and the pearls of wisdom are definitely of a spiritual note. I found myself reading and learning a lot about myself. Funny how parables have a way of doing just that. Maybe that is why I enjoy that sort of story so much. I so seldom stop and take a close look at myself that it was much needed to take a time out and do a check on Suzanna. Boy am I off course on my "personal legend" (you need to read the book).

So, I am restless this evening and finding it difficult to stop my mind from continually running. As you can tell from the lapse in my posting I have had "writer's block". I have 3 major enjoyments, Reading, Writing, and Scrapbooking. All three of them I have had recent "blocks" in. I am now out of my "reader's block" and have at least 3 books bookmarked, I am now into a "scrapbooker's block", just so busy reading in my brief summer free minutes there is no creative power to scrapbook, and FINALLY I am out of my writer's block. I haven't been on here in so long because I felt it pointless to come on and write when my mind just was not coming up with anything to write. I enjoy writing very much. But I that if my thoughts are not REALLY interesting it is not worth it to waste cyberspace's space with my ramblings. Like now for instance.

So, I am glad to be back. It feels good. To be honest several times I found myself longing to come here. I thought almost daily, "what can I think up today to write on my blog?" And nothing would come. It seems that since summer time brings kids home from school my time, talents, and whole interests are keeping them entertained. Don't get me wrong, it has been a very fun summer, especially compared to last year. I just don't know what has happened to my creative thinking skills.

I have been reading a wonderful book called Jesus the Christ, and I am continually having thoughts on that book, but then my day gets busy and fail to come and write about them. In regards to parables I have been studying some of Jesus' various parables and they are so wonderful. I am really gaining a great love for Him. He teaches in the way that I am teachable. I am such a visual learner, a picture can paint a thousand words, well, I think that words can also paint a thousand pictures.

Well, this is lovely way to come back....RAMBLING. I am so tired from my long night and morning and reading. I just need to free my mind and then I can sleep.

So, to end this lovely ramble session I will give you one of my favorite quotes from the recent READ..."People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them".
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho