Suez World

French Friday

2010-07-10T13:03:00.002-06:00

Hello Readers! Boy has it been a while. I am now writing on 2 blogs so forgive my absence. Here is my most recent adventure!

All summer the girls have been doing "home summer school". We decided that we would study France yesterday. We had a lot of fun checking out the books at the library, reading about france, and writing reports. Ok, Emily was the only one who actually WROTE her report; which consisted of french fashion and art. I MADE my report. I made ratatouille. I really enjoyed the lengthy process of the recipe I chose. I actually chose the official recipe from the movie. I know, I didn't know there was one either! I started at 10am and finished it at 3pm! Although it was one of the longest recipes I have ever made, it was one of my most enjoyed! I taught the girls how to mince, chop, sauté and make beautiful food. We listened to Choral music from the Baroque Period and had a wonderfully pleasant morning of reading and cooking. We then shared the feast and reports with some friends. The ratatouille was a huge hit and will definitely be on the menu in the future, however I will use a more simple "stew" recipe from now on!

Step One: Beginning of the Piperade

Finished Piperade (after roasted red, yellow, & orange peppers are diced up and simmered with tomato, garlic, onion, herb mix)

Intricately layered eggplant, yellow squash, zucchini, and Roma tomatoes, drizzled with olive oil, fresh thyme, and salt.

Produit fini! I served the ratatouille over some delicious hot and crispy french bread, which soaked up the delicious piperade, sprinkled with fresh grated PARMIGIANO-REGGIANO, and a special vinaigrette (part of the recipe).

(Colors have not been enhanced, only the lighting!)

Bloggers Blah

2010-04-08T13:54:00.003-06:00

I am so sick of this blog. I don't even want to come in here. The layout grosses me out, the colors, the feel, the words. I am still totally into food and taking pictures of my food, I am just bored with sharing it. I want to write, but I have not thoughts! I am still a wife and working on perfecting my wifery skills. I am still a mother and have ridiculously hilarious encounters with my kids. (This dumb statistics class I am taking is sucking all mental thought right out of my brain!) And then I ask myself.."What is all this for anyway?"

I need a boost, a pick me up. Anyone out there still reading? If so, what say ye? Does suez world need an overhaul? If so, where, what? I think I am having a case of bloggers blah!

Bloggers Blah defined: One who blogs yet has a moment of boredom (even a stupor of thought) regarding all things associated with blogging.

Dinners You Have Missed

2010-03-22T16:40:00.005-06:00

I made my first Corned Beef and Cabbage for St Patrick's Day. I admit completely and honestly, I WILL NEVER MAKE THAT AGAIN. The vegetables were everyone's favorite for one reason, the meat was SO fatty! I had no idea how fatty that meat is! I spent the evening after the meal separating the fat from the meat. It was a huge waste of time just to get a smidgen of meat. Everything tasted good once the fat had all been removed. I must admit though, it sure was pretty!

I really enjoy black bean burgers. I do not claim making the burger, I just claim eating it. I did make the delicious Red Potato, oven baked, fries. Those were tasty. My husband thought I had bought those too. To be honest the best part of the burger was the cheese on top! It was a New York Buffalo sauce cheese. MMMMMMMMMM!

Saving my favorite recent recipe for last....I can't even remember what it is called! It was a wild rice salad with cranberries, walnuts, green onion, and chicken. Definitely a keeper! Everyone loved it.

Favorite Meal of the Day

2010-03-22T15:57:00.008-06:00

Breakfast is my favorite food and I do not typically make it for breakfast. Although, I have found that Sunday brunch is a really nice time to make breakfast. As a matter of fact, just yesterday I made my new favorite pancake recipe. I was too busy eating to even think of taking a photo. So, that will have to be added next time I indulge! The recipe consists of spelt flour, fresh blueberries, pecans, cinnamon, and bananas if I happen to have them. Something about the spelt gives these delicious flap jacks a yummy crispy outer nuttiness, and I'm not talking about the pecans!

Puffy Pancake: that is what I grew up calling this delicious breakfast item. A few years back I tried the English version of the stuff which consisted of baking the mixture with sausage and serving it with onion gravy, this version was not my favorite. Something about warm fruit and puffy pancake reminds me of my Mom. Puffy pancake is definitely one of my comfort foods. This one here is made for the first time using spelt flour. Using spelt makes this recipe much more filling than the white floor I traditionally used. I could eat half a pan of the stuff by myself using white flour. I served the puffed oven pancake with fresh blueberries, pineapples, and strawberries. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM!

Tropical oatmeal: oats (I was too hungry to wait for the steel cut oats to cook so I used instant, which I am not a huge fan of since I have tried steel cut), fresh pineapple, bananas, coconut cream, walnuts, and non-sweetened coconut for topping, make this one delicious oatmeal!

Eggs Benedict: I have never before tried to even make poached eggs let alone a funky sauce to go over them. I don't know that I will make these again, but for my first I think they were pretty tastey. I was inspired to even make this recipe because of an excellent movie called Run Away Bride. The movie was on my mind and I remembered she went on a mission to discover what her favorite way to eat eggs was. I have never taken on such a mission and was curious if I too would like Eggs Benedict. I think my favorite will always be scrabbled with garlic and a little cheese.

Absence

2010-03-16T17:10:00.004-06:00

I have been having so much fun taking pictures and I love sharing them with you. I was really excited to share with you my most recent photos, so when I went to my computer to download my photos off my camera nothing happened. I was so upset to discover the internal port on my camera was all busted up; just like my heart!

So, I have since ordered a handy dandy memory card reader from ebay, my first ebay experience, and look forward to its arrival. Once the gadget comes I will immediately download my photos and share them with you. So until then maybe I can get back to my other passion...writing! It has been so long since I last posted creativity with the written word I think I am a little afraid to give it a try. If I can't I may have to plagiarize my own stuff from earlier posts! Well, I won't do that, but if you are interested you can always go back and find a good one to read! My early posts are almost solely my creative thoughts and such like writing.

Have a great time until we meet again!

Funky Baking Going On!

2010-03-10T19:47:00.007-07:00

In the past couple days my girls and I have tried some rather interesting new recipes and some old favorites with some funk!

To celebrate Dr Seuss's birthday my youngest requested green eggs and ham. Well, the light green eggs just didn't cut it! We wanted some seriously GREEN eggs! Eggs just aren't eggs without some minced garlic and we like lots of it. The ham wasn't green but boy was it delicious! I put the whole thing in the slow cooker for 6 hours on low and it came out by far the best ham on the whole darn planet!

This afternoon my youngest (who plans to be a chef when she grows up and open her own "shop") announces that she will be making crackers, a recipe from Kinder Krunchies (but modified by me, of course). Well, she helped get the ingredients, had a lesson in reading a recipe and learning "fractions", did some measuring, turned the mixer on and off and helped cut out one batch. Then I was left to finish up the last 2 batches and do the clean up. Go figure! All batches turned out beautifully except the last which turned charcoal brown because I forgot to take them out when the timer beeped. I promised to save that batch for the husband.

Here's the Picture (The crackers really are small, about 1 in. I am displaying them on the only neutral colored object I could find in my house, a mug lid!):

Here's the recipe with my adjustments because obviously they are the best!

1 c whole wheat flour

3/4 c wheat germ

3/4 c flax meal

4 t honey (honestly who measures this delicious essential sweetener? I know I didn't! I just squeezed until it looked like 4 teaspoons.)

3/4 t sea salt

1/2 t baking soda

1/2 c softened butter (coconut oil would work lovely in these as well, butter just sounded too delicious to pass up tonight!)

1/2 c buttermilk (I always make my own with 1 T Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar or Lemon Juice and enough milk to make 1 cup.)

Mix all the dry stuff together, drizzle in the honey, drop the softened butter in and keep mixing, slowly add the butter milk. I had to then whip out my handy dandy Pampered Chef scrap and stir gadget and stirred in about another 1/4 cup flour until it was not so sticky (I probably could have done this last step using the mixer but I really am working on getting bigger biceps and shoulders so I did it by hand.)

Flour your clean surface, roll out the dough really thin, I am talking cracker thin, if you don't you end up with funny shaped dry bread like stuff. I cut the crackers out using these adorable little metal cutters from Pampered chef. I don't know what they are really any good for other than being cute but they came in really handy tonight! We used the shamrock, the hot pepper, and the flower shaped cutters.

Place all the little cut outs (or big cut outs if you like big crackers) on an ungreased cookie sheet, place in oven at 400 degrees bake for 10 minutes, dump baked crackers on rack to cool... and watch them disappear! We served them with tomato soup and goat cheese!

Which brings in the 3rd and final funky recipe of the evening. Never in my life have I tried goat cheese. I have always been intrigued, since seeing Shirley Temple in Heidi (her grandpa makes goat cheese). Now that I have tried it I cannot say it is my favorite, but I can say that it is an acquired taste and probably will have to grow on me.

Again this recipe is slighted modified, mainly the final ingredient, which was purely inspired at the very last moment.

goat cheese (obviously) rolled into small bite size balls

finely chopped pecans

Cinnamon (I never measure cinnamon, it is too delicious to use sparingly)

Honey for drizzling

And drum roll please...cocoa powder!

Stir the dry stuff together, roll the little goat cheese balls around in the yumminess, slightly mash the ball of goodness, place on a lovelier plate than the mug lid I am using, and drizzle honey to your hearts content! I found these yummiest with LOTS of honey! My oldest tried one, ran to me yelling and hopping all over the place "Mom, those are the best thing ever! They are so good!" She was almost too ridiculously excited. So, I went and tried one, certainly not as excited as her over the little morsel. I said to her, "needs more honey!" I will try one again tomorrow after my stomach settles from eating too many crackers!

The S.S.S (Scrumptious Spaghetti Squash)

2010-03-09T09:27:00.004-07:00

I have no idea what the original recipe is called, so I came up with my own name for it seen as how I only used 3 ingredients from the original recipe!

1 Spaghetti Squash

1 bunch of asparagus

couple shakes of Thyme

(those are the original ingredients)

1 garlic bulb (that means the whole thing!), roast it and squeeze out the softened cloves. (My kids thought it was funny, I thought it was really hot!)

3 roma tomatoes

Chicken

1 packet of Good Seasonings italian dressing

Sea Salt to taste

Cook squash according to your favorite method, I did mine cut lengthwise in the oven for an hour. At the same time I wrapped a head of garlic with the top sliced off and olive oil in some foil and roasted it.

Cook FROZEN chicken in slow cooker with the seasoning packet on low for 6 hours or so. (That's it. I had made the chicken for another recipe and used the left overs for this one. If you are going vegetarian just leave out the chicken, but to be honest I think the seasoned chicken made the whole dish!

Steam the asparagus to your desired consistency. I like my veggies firm/crisp so I did it for a short time. When it is done cut it up into bite size pieces.

Dice the tomato.

When the squash is done scoop out the innards (The kids loved this part and really enjoyed sampling it plain!). Put all the ingredients in a big pan with some more olive oil, a couple shakes of thyme, sea salt and Voila!

Even my picky non-vegetable eater gobbled this up (minus the tomatoes, it is her least favorite!) I was looking forward to the left overs for lunch the next day, but my husband came home late that night and gobbled it up. Both my girls had 2 servings! My husband didn't like the whole garlic cloves, he felt they would be better mashed up or something, but I and my girls devoured them!

My First Biscuits

2010-03-05T09:06:00.002-07:00

Ever since my 10 day fast food is pretty much constantly on my mind! I made my first biscuits last night and they are already gone! Breakfast finished off the remaining morsels. Here is the recipe with my tweaks.

Spelt Flour Biscuits

2 1/2 cups spelt flour

1 T baking powder, heaping (by the way, what exactly does that mean? My heaping could end up being 2T, someone else's may be just a smidgen over 1T, so heaping really is relative and thus to me doesn't make sense why it would be stated as such in a recipe. Does the amount over 1T make a difference in results?)

1/2 t salt

1 t cinnamon (I would add more than this next time, we love cinnamon at our house!)

1/2 cup coconut oil (If you keep your spelt in the fridge the flour is cold, thus keeping the coconut oil solid giving it the same consistency of butter. I keep all my flour in the fridge, my coconut oil at room temperature, stays a soft solid.)

1T honey (I just squeezed the honey until I thought it was long enough. The biscuits were not sweet, so whatever I did put in wasn't a large quantity.)

1 cup milk

Mix together dry ingredients (I used my KitchenAid for the whole recipe.) Cut in coconut oil (or other fatty substance of your choice). Add honey and milk (I did this while the machine was going and I gradually added the milk). Put on floured surface, smoosh into a circle (My circle was larger than the recommended 9 inch. I got 11 biscuits out of my dough, plus the fun leftover shapes.) Place on a greased sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until brown.

While still hot, spread on some coconut oil and honey and then devour! We sure did!

Pamela's Bakery and Cafe

2010-03-04T11:29:00.006-07:00

I don't usually review things on my blog but this place is worthy of my review! A good friend of mine took me there for the first time in September '09 for a birthday lunch date. I order the quiche and she got the turkey club (if my memory serves me correctly). The quiche was simply mouth watering and every bite was savored! The dish came with a side of coleslaw. Now, if you are anything like me you would say, "I'll pass". Well, don't pass on this coleslaw! I don't even know what was all in it but it sure wasn't any coleslaw I had ever had. We got little desserts to go, later at home I devoured it with my girls.

Just before Christmas I took my husband there for a breakfast date. I ordered Darren't Huevos Rancheros, a breakfast burrito like none other! I have actually tried to imitate this dish and have proved unsuccessful, close but no cigar! My husband ordered the french toast, mmmmm! We left there feeling completely satisfied, without the feeling of being weighed down by cheap ingredients or grease!

The last cake I purchased from a bakery was in September (my birthday and I wanted a fancy cake). I recall it's dry cardboard cake, with a thick, overly sweet, stick to the roof of the mouth chocolate slop, decorated with some fancy looking chocolate straws and very waxy chocolate shavings to make it appear delicious. I was incredibly disappointed in it's high price and poor quality. I swore I would never buy another nasty cake again. So, when I was looking in the showcase at Pamela's, leaving drool all over the glass, I knew they were the one's to make the future cakes that would enter my mouth!

For my oldest daughter's birthday I special ordered a very dreamy Valrhona chocolate cake with a coconut mousse filling, whipped cream frosting, decorated with almond slices, fresh strawberries, and flowers. When my daughter saw the cake, she said with tears in her eyes, "That is the most beautiful cake I have ever seen!" This was followed by a huge hug and a best Mom ever compliment. What about the chef who created it? She deserved a huge hug for creating such a special masterpiece for my baby girl (who happened to turn 9). The cake was even more delicious than it was beautiful! I am so looking forward to the next birthday when I plan to order either the Strawberry Lemonade, the Chocolate Bavarian Creme, or the Carrot Cake!

So, craving the deliciousness of Pamela's once again, my husband and I had a rare date again this morning and chose Pamela's. I ordered a 3 egg omelette with chicken, pepper jack cheese, and tomato. This is the third omelette I have ever eaten. The first 2 shouldn't even be classified as omelets, anything that makes you feel like puking afterward shouldn't be classified as food. So, knowing that the previous meals at Pamela's were superb, I gave the omelette a try. Boy am I glad I did. My husband got the Big Boy Breakfast Burrito. My husband has a bit of a sweet tooth and grabbed a chocolate dipped coconut macaroon to go. I caved and took the last bite and I am so glad I did! I am a huge fan of coconut and that was simply the best macaroon that has ever passed my lips! It was not too sweet and gloppy like my homemade ones.

I don't typically eat out unless it is a special occasion and those are so rare that when I eat out I want, not just good, but GREAT food. I am usually disappointed and realize I could have made better food at home. I feel like I wasted my time and money and regret having gone out. I have not felt this way with Pamela's. I leave feeling like I have eaten food rather than excessive grease, salt, and seriously, who knows what else!

I have raved enough about the food, now for the owner and the other's running the place. They are the friendliest most helpful people in the food industry! Truly a delight!

Once again Pamela's out did themselves and sent away another pleasantly filled couple!

My new philosophy has been taken from the food critique on Ratatouille: "If I don't love it, I don't swallow!"

Crazy Squirrel

2010-03-03T14:24:00.002-07:00

During Christmas break we discovered we had a pet and we didn't know it. A squirrel, who was quickly named Squeakers, was conditioned to beg at the sliding door within days. I even saw him scratching at the door once! My kinds found it most enjoyable to feed him MY walnuts, pecans, and almonds. Squeakers certainly didn't mind at all! Pretty soon we found Squeakers more entertaining than each other! We would sit at the table and watch him and laugh at him. My patience for the whole thing didn't last long, as he was eating more of my yummy nuts than I was! So, I went and bought him some squirrel food, which happens to be corn. I then decided I needed to feed the birds too, they are far less annoying than Squeakers. Within moments of hanging the bird feeder full of a lovely bird seed mix (nuts, seeds, and raisins) Squeakers came crashing down to the earth, along with the bird feeder. That was the last time he ever ate the corn I had bought for him. My bird feeder broken and Squeakers vanished I ventured out and got a new bird feeder. Within a few days it was filled with cute little finches and I was enjoying watching them. No joke, that crazy Squeakers shows back up, scares away the birds, and I find him hanging by one foot upside down from a tree branch reaching for the food. I stood and watched him reaching and grabbing for the food, his little claws not long enough to reach. He made one final swing for the food and once again gravity proves ever faithful and he came crashing to the ground. Luckily this time, my feeder stayed in tact, hanging to the tree. In complete shock, and probably humiliation, Squeakers ran off. He is one desperate critter though! I saw him back in the tree just moments ago having another try at that feeder! I think there is a lot to learn from this picky determined rodent!

Absent Minded

2010-02-26T22:54:00.003-07:00

I completely forgot to tell you the whole reason why I posted the accident! Where is my mind these days?

So, about 2 hours later I was riding my bike back by the scene of the accident, which was still being investigated and cleaned and an attempt at bringing order back to the area. Just as I was coming out of the mess, the local freeloading bum that stands at the corner says in my direction with a smirk and chuckle, "Man I wish I had video taped that!" I simply shook my head and rode on by. I still cannot believe the nerve that man had! I shouldn't judge too harshly seen as how I don't know the intent of his filming the accident or how he felt 2 hours earlier having been witness to the accident. But come on! The accident isn't a joke, the lives of the people involved, the young idiot driving drunk at 10am, none of which sounds humorous or entertaining to me and I am appalled that the man with the "help me" sign would conjure up something so ridiculous as "I wish I had video taped it".

Maybe my issues aren't making much sense, I am just so upset that he found humor in it when for hours now I have been concerned for the people and have had little else on my mind. Maybe that is his coping mechanism for having witnessed it, but I just cannot joke about something as serious as life and death, especially when it involves an underage DUI.

Accidental Thoughts

2010-02-26T16:58:00.003-07:00

This morning I left bright and early to ride over to Fred Meyer for a great clearance sale. I rode with a smile and though the wind was rather chilly, I was very happy to be out on my bike getting fresh air and exercise (not to mention how happy I was about saving so much money on some clothes for the kids). About a mile from my home I began hearing siren after siren. As I got closer to the main intersection I was able to see why so much commotion. Countless people had gathered along the street, emergency vehicles encircled what would be the worst accident I have ever laid eyes on. As I peddled through the masses I tried to catch a glimpse of the wreckage. I find it interesting how something so traumatic causes so much "rubbernecking" (such a funny word isn't it). Anyway, I wish I hadn't been there so soon after the wreck. Instinctively my hand shot off my handle bar to my mouth to cover my gasp. Just as quickly as my hand shot to my mouth, my hand shot my heart. I couldn't tell how many cars had piled up, but one car stood out among the heap, it was upside down and paramedics were swarming the driver's side. There was such chaos it was virtually impossible to tell what was what or make sense of the crash. When I got to the stop light and pressed the crosswalk button I had time to listen and catch glimpses of conversation between police officers and witnesses, I even chatted with one witness as she was waiting to go back across the street to her car. What I gathered was that it was a drunk driver going 60, ran a red light, swerved in and out of traffic, passing on the shoulder and median, and well, the rest is obvious.

You may be wondering why I post this today. Well, I can't stop thinking about the innocent victims who fell prey to an ignorant human. As I rode away from the wreckage my heart was drawn out in prayer for the victims and their families. I thought of the individual who made the ignorant choices that will change the lives of countless people. Yes, I felt sadness for this person as well. I can't help it, it is the social psychologist in me. What drove this person to drink so excessively, and at such an early hour might I add? I thought about how this person will feel when they recover from the affects of alcohol.

I find it shocking how one moment I am riding with a joyous disposition and the next my heart is aching. I know this was not the most joyous post, I just couldn't resist writing these thoughts. Has anyone else delved so deeply into the mind and heart of such individuals? What are your thoughts on the matter?

Deep and Profound Brain Things

2010-02-25T13:02:00.005-07:00

Last night I had an epiphany. This day could be my last day on earth! I am not saying this to be alarming in any way, but I have been doing my "exams" like a good aging woman should and a lump that was present at my last exam is still there. The Doc wasn't concerned then and I am not concerned now. However, this silly lump that seems to not be an issue, has caused much "deep and profound brain things inside my head" (Julian the Lemur King) and I have concluded that I am not living my life to its fullest. I have a mental list of things to do in my life and just not enough time! So, what if today is my last day. Am I loving enough? Living enough? Playing enough? Discovering enough? Sharing enough? Am I happy and let my face show it? Do my kids know how much they mean to me? Do I show them as much as I say it? Does my husband know that he is my life, the air I breath?

To answer each of these I can use 3 words, "Of course not!" So, what am I going to do about it? Well, I am still working on that. I am making a list, checking it twice, prioritizing, yada, yada; ultimately I want to be free! Free of pressure and responsibility and just live! Can you imagine with me for a moment if you never had to look at another bill, balance another account, attend another doctor appointment, spend another day inside, keep or a make obligations you don't want to, have a bed time, (the list could go on but I will stop there)? What would you do with this freedom? Think about it. I know I am.

Tortillas

2010-02-24T20:41:00.002-07:00

I cannot even tell you how many times I have tried to make homemade tortillas. They just keep turning out like a flat bread or thin peta. So, when I found some raw, uncooked tortillas for sale at Cost Co you cannot imagine how elated I was! Nothing beats a warm, fresh tortilla and they don't come easier than pre-made!

This evening the girls and I cooked us up a batch, burning the first half because it took that long to regulate the temperature. We spread fresh homemade refried black beans, cheese and salsa and voila! For dessert...coconut oil and honey on one tortilla and butter and cinnamon/sugar on the other! YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY! Took serious will power to stop myself from cooking up some more!

Morning Hike

2010-02-23T11:03:00.005-07:00

Nothing clears the senses and the mood like a good brisk hike through the foothills. I feel as though the cobwebs are cleared and I am ready for another day.

New Layout

2010-02-23T10:51:00.001-07:00

This will just have to do for now. I like it enough to tolerate. Plus my excellent words can now be read!

Stir Fry Night!

2010-02-22T19:29:00.002-07:00

I admit I am not the best cook, but boy do I give it all I've got. I also admit that I am really good at taking someone else's recipe and making it my own. I love trying new recipes and rarely ever follow it to a T, unless it is full of new ingredients then I follow it exactly for the first time.

Tonight I made my first orange chicken stir fry. My recipe (I once heard if you make any changes it then becomes your recipe) goes as follow:

2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp ginger (I ran out of fresh so I used powder, I found this to be too strong so I will either lessen the amount of dried or use fresh.)
1 whole orange squeezed (I will double this next time)
orange zest (My orange fell apart while squeezing so the amount of zest was very minimal this time, next time I will use a lot more!)
3/4 T vinegar (I only use Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar in my cooking, I don't see the point in having a cupboard full of different vinegars when one does just fine. Speaking of Braggs vinegar, remind me to write about my vinegar experience.)
1T soy sauce
1 1/2 C water (I like a lot of sauce with my stir fry and these measurements just didn't cut it for me. Next time I will double the sauce!)
2tsp brown sugar (this was plenty sweet enough, just needs more sauce!)
3-5 shakes of red pepper flakes (I really lost count, so that is why the numbers. My kids said it was too hot, I said I do that so they will drink more water at dinner!)

Broccoli (about 3 cups)
Carrots (about 1-2 cups)
I was going to throw in pea pods at the end and I forgot.

And of course Chicken.

(Just a side note: My husband just got home and ate some and said it was absolutely perfect, not to change a thing and that I am an excellent cook.)

A trick I have discovered through trial and error of making a lot of stir fry (one of my favorite things to eat) is to steam the veggies to my desired consistency and then put them in the bubbling sauce. Not only do I get perfect veggies but also I achieve it using no oil.

Today was my first experience cooking chicken in my new and loved pressure cooker. The chicken came out nice and tender! Plus it cooked really fast and I made enough for recipes in the coming days.

I like to add my chicken cubes to the bubbly sauce for a few moments before I stir in the steamed veggies so it can absorb some of the yumminess!

Well there you have it! I can't wait to eat the leftovers tomorrow!

Blog Layout Help

2010-02-16T17:43:00.003-07:00

I thought I would try my hand at modifying html codes adjusting my new blog appearance, but it just doesn't have the curb appeal I had hoped for. The layout options are endless, but I the great picky one, have not found the perfect layout yet. I have seen a plethora of cutesy layouts that look like scrapbooks, a gazillion that just don't apply to my blog, and plain and simple that just don't shout, READ ME! My blog is so much of who I am inside that I don't want to come across boring or unapproachable. When I came across this new layout I absolutely fell in love! I saw and seriously longed to be right there! Which is exactly how I want my blog to feel. The problem with this new layout is that the words are really difficult to read. Do you agree or disagree?

I have widened the boxes containing all the writing but have yet to figure out how to make the box less transparent. Any clues out there on how to achieve this while still keeping the beautiful background image? I have given myself a headache over this one and I am going to have to throw in the towel for now. I hope to get some feedback from my readers. So, what do you think? Too difficult to read? Any code suggestions (this would be most appreciated)?

10 Day Fast - long enough to be a book!

2010-02-04T14:15:00.004-07:00

I just completed a 10 day detox fast. Never before have I taken on such an endeavor. Many have asked, "Why would you do such a thing? Is is for health or spirit?" I will answer yes to both. Prior to starting the fast I had great hopes for the end results. I really had no idea what to expect from the very beginning. My sister coached me before I started and was "on call" throughout the remainder of the fast. The week before the fast I began a slight change in my diet. I stopped eating sugar and white flour and almost all dairy (which was limited in my diet to begin with). I also did a one day water fast, which by the way was really hard, in preparation for the 10 day fast. I also ate more veggies that I had around the house, which consisted of carrots, potatoes, canned green beans, and frozen peas and corn (nothing fantastic that is for sure).

Now, before I get into the day to day experiences I will attempt to explain why I did this in the first place. In 1997 I was single and living far from home all alone. I got very sick and didn't know what to do, so I saw a doctor and ingested my first antibiotics...ever! I didn't complete the whole prescription as counseled because, well, I was ignorant. A few months later I got sick again, worse than the last time. This sickness hung on me off and on for months there after. I happened to be living in an old apartment in North West New York at the time the 3 round hit. This particular apartment was, well, let's just say it was nasty. The bathroom was covered in black mold. Don't believe? When I moved in I thought the ceiling was painted black. I don't know what possessed me to not report the issue but none of the previous occupants seemed to mind so I ignored it as well. It was almost as if the mold was some sort of resident and no one wanted to kick it out. Long and painful story made short, I got even more sick. Hives morning, noon, and night plagued me. Nothing gave relief. I simply took the Benadryl to knock myself out, otherwise I was still covered in hives. These events in my life are not fond ones. I had never been so sick and uncomfortable in my life. Did I happen to mention I had an abscess tooth, food poisoning, and the recurring bronchitis at the same time? Ultimately my body was overloaded with toxins, and it has been that way ever since.

Just a couple weeks before I started the detox my husband turns to me with a book in hand and says with exaggerated enthusiastic sarcasm, "Listen to this! 'Retained debris in the colon leads to the absorption of toxins. Symptoms include mental confusion, depression, irritability, fatigue, gastrointestinal irregularities, and even allergic reaction such as hives" (Balch, 2000, p702). Doesn't that sound familiar?" I replied, "Ha ha ha, very funny, Yes it does". So, thanks to an ornery thoughtful husband, I began researching various ways to detox the body and came up with a colon cleanse kit by First Cleanse and the 10 day fast (which too can be found in Prescription for Nutritional Healing by Dr Balch).

Here are the list of physical conditions prior to the fast:

yellow eyes, poor complexion (have dealt with adult acne as long I am not pregnant!), constant bloating (our joke was to rub my belly like there was a baby in there), fatigue, hives controlled with a nightly dose of Zyrtec, stomach cramps after eating, excessive belching, indigestion, heartburn, extreme mood imbalances, and one stinky skunk armpit (no deodorant could mask it).

Following will be quick notes that I jotted on a daily basis during the fast. My memory is very poor because I was barely even mentally present during the whole thing.

This is what I ate: Organic fresh pressed fruit and veggie juices (store bought, who in their right mind would make their own while on this thing?), mixed 3 times a day with a hemp protein powder and organic coconut creme. Any time I was in need of nourishment I drank juice straight. I also started putting organic coconut oil on my face before bed. My complexion is beginning to take on a new look and feel.

Day 1 Rough start! I heard my husband come home, so I fell on the floor in a broke sprawled out sort of way with my tongue hanging out. He walked in, saw me, stepped over me, and laughed as he said, "rough day?"

Day 2 I was so hungry I thought I would puke. Everything I did, I did nice and slow!

Day 3 Much better today! I feel like I might make it. I had company around lunch time. I never realized how much energy it takes to talk! I became very weak, shaky, chilled and sweaty during visit and had to down some juice.

Day 4 Bloated belly diminishing. Had a very late night, so exhausted I wanted to puke (I didn't throw up once, although I felt like it several times throughout the entirety). I fell asleep crying and wondered if I should be doing this at all.

Day 5 Toxins begin to release (you don't want to know how I know). Did pretty good until 4pm, thought of giving up. I spent the day rather lazy like (watched 2 movies), barely completed my homework with the little brain power I had. This was the first day I began waking at 530 and couldn't go back to sleep, I stayed in bed and rested though because my eyes and body didn't want to be as awake as my brain (which doesn't make sense now that I think about it. I didn't even have much brain to even have awake!)

Day 6 It's all down hill from here! I tortured myself by baking some cookies for my family. My stomach has shrunk considerably and can tolerate the lack of food much better.

Day 7 My flat stomach is back! I feel thin again. Attended church with better results than I anticipated. About an hour before ending I began to feel nauseated, chilled, weak, and shaky.

Day 8 My eyes are clearing quite nicely.

Day 9 My body has adjusted tremendously! Much more clarity of mind...FINALLY! Really sick of juice (especially the fruit ones, all I want are the straight veggie ones). Read about dry brushing helps eliminate toxins. First dry brushing experience. Afterward I massaged coconut oil from head to toe. My skin was so incredibly soft, smooth and even firmer! I will incorporate this into my nightly routine from here on out!

Day 10 Hallelujah! Food was all I could think about. I planned a menu and grocery list for the days following the fast. My mind is so active and clear, I even submitted homework in an intellectual manner!

I have been off allergy meds for 3 weeks. I experienced a couple tiny tolerable hives the day I noticed toxins releasing, other than that I have been hive free!

This morning I went to the grocery store and bought a cart full of fresh fruits and veggies to make vegetarian meals for the rest of the week (I bought as much organic as possible). Just after checking out and walking back to my car, I realized I was smiling (I don't typically walk around smiling so this was a new feeling for me). As I approached my car I smiled even more as I reflected on what could possibly make me smile out of the blue. Within my grocery bag were things I had never eaten before, yet were the only thing I wanted, things that warmed my heart and soul! Is it possible that FOOD could have such an impact on a person? I am here to tell you it is. For ten days I lived on water and juice. Sometimes food was all I could think about. Other times I was too exhausted to move, let alone think. As I thought about the recipe I was going to make for my first solid lunch and the preparation required, I smiled even more. I reflected on starving individuals who have no food to eat. I thought of how I felt, for a measly ten days, and my heart went out to those who are starving their entire lives. As I drove home I cried, literally tears of joy, for food! Glorious food! Never in my entire life have I longed to eat. I thought of people who starve themselves not out of lack of food but because of their self image (or for whatever other reasons one might have an eating disorder). My heart was surprisingly more full than my stomach possibly ever could be. When I returned home I went straight to my husband and said, "Words cannot describe how I feel!" He said, "That bad huh?" I replied, "No, that good!" That peaked his interest enough to put aside the complicated mathematical equations (that appeared to me as a foreign language) he had been slaving over for 4 hours. I held him and told him, with a tear in my eye, how happy I was to have food to eat! He said I was the cutest thing on the whole darn planet.

For the next hour, with gratitude and tender feelings, prepared a lunch I would be sharing with a new friend. Never before have I prepared a meal with such feelings! Each slice and dice was in gratitude! In addition to these surprising feelings, I was preparing food I had never dreamed of eating, let alone preparing! I was never a huge eater of veggies, however, veggies are not the only thing I am aloud to eat (transitioning back to solid food) for the next two days, it is the only thing I WANT to eat!

My lunch recipe:

black beans (just made in my new pressure cooker)
corn
tomato
avocado
cilantro (used to hate it, now I love it!)
green onion (hated, really like now!)
basil (never had fresh before, YUM!)
oil (wished I had the olive oil it called for, used canola instead)
lime

My first bite was not as delicious as I had hoped. HOWEVER, every bite there after was D-LISH! I grew to love it so much I brought the whole big bowl with me to munch on while I type! When my youngest got home from school (she is my veggie lover) she saw the bowl and began devouring it!

To end this lengthy post I want to say this: I believe everyone should do a ten day fast at some point in their lives! The physical benefits are not even fully known to me at this time. I do know that I feel better (physically, emotionally/spiritually, and mentally), I look better, and boy do I have a new appreciation! I liken my body right now to a shiny clean house. You all know what hard work goes into cleaning a house. When the house is clean you require everyone to take their shoes off at the door, no spills are allowed, and absolutely no clutter to be left lying around. I never want to dirty up my body again with junk food, fast food, bleached food, canned food, frozen food, or boxed food; pretty much everything located in the center isles of a grocery store!

Well, there you have it! My ten day fast!

Christmas Memory #2

2009-12-22T08:48:00.004-07:00

The memory I want to share today is of very special quality and I share it with the world to bring a smile to a face and warmth to a heart. Sometimes memories are too precious to share the entirety, so just know as you read that there is much more and I give you only part.

Christmas time is a rather special holiday for my husband and me. It all began Christmas 1999...

For 2 whole months I was tortured over the thought of moving to a state that I found rather intimidating; Utah. My good friend Kevin lived there and I lived in Missouri. The two of us had gotten to know each other rather well and wanted to pursue "dating" and I decided to move closer (I say "dating" because you can't do too much of that states apart). I was invited for Christmas and spent one glorious week. I spent a good deal of the time hunting for jobs and apartments. I was overwhelmed and discouraged due to the reservations I had in regard to Utah in general. But Kevin was very supportive and encouraging all along the way.

On Christmas Eve we drove up to Salt Lake City where Kevin's mother and her family awaited meeting...Me! Can you imagine how I felt meeting all of these family members as a girlfriend trying to fit in? Kevin took me to the famous Temple Square to see the beautifully decorated grounds. He was however, not as enthusiastic and warm and bubbly as he usually was. I was really taken aback by this. He barely spoke a word the whole evening. He held my hand and continually had a far off look on his face. Suddenly out of no where I had this thought "He is going to ask me to marry him".

We walked all around the grounds and saw all sorts of love birds snuggled under trees, walking hand in hand, and I continued to have a strange feeling of distance between Kevin and I. Before I knew it we were back on a bus that would take us back to the truck at the parking garage. Did I mention there was silence the whole way? I began to wonder what I was doing there. Was I doing the right thing by moving to a state I dreaded, to be closer to a guy who barely spoke a word to me all night and acted incredibly awkward, and didn't even propose! I couldn't believe it. Wondering what was going through that boys mind drove me bonkers, which just caused me to withdraw. Which there was mistake number one, I should have not cared and not give it another thought. But I did, over and over and over.

We arrived back at his Grandmother's house where a lot more family awaited our return. There were games, food, laughter, and all sorts of excitement. Awkwardness dissipated and that bubbly energetic Kevin was back as if nothing were different. I felt a wave of relief and relaxed and enjoyed myself.

Christmas morning goodbyes were said and we make the lengthy drive back down to St George where more family awaited our arrival to open some gifts. The ride down was strange. It was a getting to know you session and the oddest questions were asked of me, which to all I answered agreeably.

Upon arrival at his house all his local family were gathered around to open some gifts. Everyone had gifts and laughs over secret jokes and I felt as if I was peeping in on a family tradition I should not have been part of. I squirmed and felt awkward until I was handed a gift at the end. A single priority envelope. I looked around nervously as all eyes were on me, accompanied by grins that seemed to be repressed.

A single invitation lied within the envelope. An invitation to go on a scavenger hunt beginning immediately. There were explicit instructions that I must follow to a T. Kevin's sister was my driver for the activity, I had to wear my very best outfit I had brought, and I must be quick. My heart was racing the entire time! I had never been part of anything so fantastic and exciting before. Coming from a state with zero creativity and dating a man from the most creative state in the country made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Each location I had to get to had a small gift and another clue. At one point my gift was surrounded by a small group of elderly folk trying to figure out what it is. When I approached my gift they all turned and said, "Oh this must be for you! The handsome young man who left this here was here just a moment ago". My heart leaped at the thought of him being just steps ahead of me. I wanted to run to him and thank him for the best day, the best gift I had ever been given. But there was more to come on the hunt and I could hardly wait to see what was next.

I had arrived at the final clue, the final destination. It was a place of very special and significant value. I could hardly contain myself as I walked amongst the beautiful grounds, my eyes continually searching for the final gift. My eyes fell upon my gift, Kevin standing under a tree, more handsome than ever. I walked up to him hugged him and thanked him for the most amazing gift. Tears of overwhelming joy were already filling me eyes, so when he said, "There is one more gift", I couldn't hold them back. I couldn't imagine being given more than he had already given me. But then he pulled out a tiny gray box.

Now, don't be upset, I am going to interrupt this fantastic tale to give you a little background to what I am about to think in regard to the tiny gray box.

Kevin had visited me for Thanksgiving just a month before and with him he had brought several tiny boxes. The first tiny box was a necklace given to me at a very special place in St Louis Missouri. The next tiny box was given to me atop the St Louis Arch, 3 rings made of different types of rock. (Which reminds me, the first gift on the scavenger hunt was a tiny white box and within was a ring made out of an old nail.)

Ok, back to this fabulous tale...

I said to myself, upon viewing the tiny gray box, "It's earrings. It's earrings. It's earrings!" As Kevin lowered down onto one knee and opened the tiny box my eyes fell upon the most precious ring of all accompanied with the words I had longed to hear since I was but just a small girl "Suzanna, Will you please marry me?" I stood in shock and wonderment, tears pushing against my eyelids but not quite falling, a smile so large I could no longer feel my face. As I held this amazing man in my arms and thought, "Is this for real? Someone please wake me now if I am dreaming!" Kevin said softly in my ear, "Is that a yes?"

Well, the rest is history! We were married in a very special place in St Louis Missouri where he first tortured me with a tiny box. I was quite pregnant for our second Christmas, and two Christmases after that our second daughter had arrived a month prior and we had a family of four only three years after the greatest day of my life!

Christmas Memory #1

2009-12-10T09:41:00.004-07:00

One of my most heart warming, emotional times was the Christmas 1998. I was on a mission for my church in Niagara Fall New York. I had been away from family for just over a year and had been missing them tremendously. I had been forgotten the previous Christmas and received very little mail the entire year. So, as Christmas time approached yet again and my companion was receiving package after package and letters innumerable, I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for yet another year of silence. I did rather well hiding and covering up the pain inside, and immersed myself in giving, serving, and loving the people I served. It truly was a good holiday season and I was happy the Lord was blessing me with a cheerful attitude.

The countdown to Christmas day was fast approaching, the mailbox was checked multiple times a day, the door step thoroughly inspected for hidden packages the mail carrier may have delivered. And still nothing came. Christmas day came and nothing else. I was broken hearted and gave it my best to suck up the hurt inside. The day after Christmas after returning home from an appointment, low and behold there upon the door step was one single medium sized box. I stared at that box, I hugged the box, I caressed the box, and with childlike dreams wondered what could possible be inside.

With shaking hands and increased heart rate I slowly, and I might add with reluctance, opened the box. Immediately my eyes overflowed with tears, my heart was so full I could not speak. All I could do was sit and cry. Once I had gotten my composure I ever so gently reached into the box and removed the quilt made by my parents, sisters, brothers, and their children. Each square had a hand and a scripture. And right in the middle says, "Suzanna's Praying Hands". I wrapped the quilt around me and literally felt the love and prayers of my family who lived so far away.

To this day, this memory is one of my fondest. I shall never forget that Christmas! The Christmas I received and felt the love of my family.

(I had a pictures taken while opening the package and being wrapped in the quilt. I have looked everywhere for these photos and cannot find them anywhere! I am so downhearted right now, I had wanted to share that moment with you!)

Who am I?

2009-10-30T16:30:00.002-06:00

For most of my life I felt like an odd ball, unsure of who I was or what I should be doing with myself. I had great desires and passions, but they were so fantastic I felt they were unrealistic; why they didn't compare to anything anyone around me dreamed! So, I did what any girl with low self esteem would do. I buried myself, and buried myself deep!

I am now, shouting it out loud and long. I know who I am! I know what I need to do. I am reading a great book called Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey. I strongly recommend this book to everyone.

To change the world one heart at a time is the deep desire of my heart. I am willing to do whatever necessary to assist in combating personal wars. I dream of far of places needing me, I dream of the child next door needing me. I dream of the man I am married to needing me. I had previously thought these were endeavors for super heroes, or that I was naive for thinking I could do anything remotely this phenomenal! This book I mention offers a quiz to help the individual gain understanding into their temperament, character, and intelligence (see cover of book). Although I have barely scratched the surface of this book, not to mention the great surface of "Me", I feel I finally can say I know who I am and what I need to do to make my mark.

I never was dedicated to my education (this is a subject for future reference) because I never understood what to focus my attention on. Ya know, there isn't a super woman degree! I didn't understand enough about myself to know where to apply myself. Oddly enough a year ago I was "guided" to my current degree program, Social Science. I am awe struck at how long it has taken me to find the right focus. Someone was definitely looking out for me on this one! I actually enjoy learning and even look forward to a Masters Degree. Now who'd have thought Ol' Slacker Sue would go that far!?

I must admit, I am a bit frightened by all of this. Just because I am now not afraid to admit my huge dreams does not make the grandness of my mission any less frightening. I admit, my feelings of inadequacy are overpowering. If I were super girl my kryptonite would definitely be lack of confidence.

So, check the book out. Discover something new about yourself. If you already know who you are then read it anyway, maybe it will give you a boost to magnify your potential. Who doesn't need a nudge back on track once in a while?

What kind of seeds are you planting?

2009-09-26T08:31:00.003-06:00

Last night I attended a free class about creating abundance in your life. The instructor used the parable of the sower to instruct us on how to get the most out of life. The class did not discuss marriage, but I had a light bulb moment and must share it with you.

I frequently have something along the lines of "you are..." directed at my husband (and not usually pleasant or uplifting). My husband responds with "OK", or "If that is the way you want it". Of course that isn't OK or the way I want it. It is my female way of saying knock it off or I can't handle what you are doing. I realize it is not the best way to approach a man (or anyone for that matter), but when upset it is hard to think any other way. The light bulb moment was this...My husband was not trying to frustrate me further. He was simply trying to please me and be the way he thought I wanted him to be. Now why on earth would he think I want him to be (...)? I am reaping what I sow. I plant in him names or labels and that is what he will become. My new goal is to stop labeling; stop sowing bad seeds in my husband and start planting with love and tenderness the seeds he is worthy of.

2 Steps Back

2009-09-25T09:08:00.002-06:00

How does that old adage go? "Three steps forward and two steps back." The past few days I was progressing quite nicely. I fell short last night and my demons once again presented themselves causing me to not just take two steps back but to fall back. The difference between last night and so many instances in the past is that an unseen force was there for me and for my husband. A force that took us by not only the hand but by the heart and helped us get back up.

A thought has been going through my mind this morning, aside from my two steps backward last night. It is better to face sorrow that I may know the good from the evil. I am a religious person and attend a sacred ceremony every Friday morning before the sun even awakes. I do this by choice. I do this so that I may draw closer to my Maker. It is in this holy place that I am reminded of the purpose of my life. It is here that I am reminded why I love my husband so much. In spite of every trial and struggle and heartache I endure (or cause) I am reminded that my marriage is eternal, that if I face and overcome the weakness of my physical character I will be given more than my mortal mind can comprehend. I am reminded of my duty to my husband as his companion and friend. There is no other place on the face of the earth I would rather spend my Friday mornings. It is here that I find the courage and hope required to let the past week go and face the coming with renewed vitality.

So I failed last night, today I am stronger and more prepared. Today I am even more aware of my weaknesses and ready to face them head on. My mind, my heart, and my feet are ready to make up the 2 steps we lost and move forward!

Dudes and Chicks: Testosterone and Estrogen

2009-09-24T08:25:00.004-06:00

What does a spider and mold have in common? Scientifically nothing, as far as I am aware. Emotionally, a great deal according to the husband. Upon his request I was asked to help come up with solutions to this problem, after the venting and raging about the issue. He informed me that I need to think less like a girl (in regards to me getting emotional and extreme with my labeling him as over compulsive and wack-o) and more like a guy by helping him think logically and find a solution to the one spider problem and the shower mold. After offering a suggestion there was a moment of silence in which I could take my shower and contemplate further on what just happened. I took his challenge and thought like a guy. I said to myself, "I am a dude. What would a dude think about all this?" What follows may or may not be a real dude solution but according to a chick, this is what a dude would think.

"Dude, I am dude! I need dude time! Living in a house with 3 females and all this estrogen is really affecting me. I need to stop being so extreme about all the stuff I think is a big problem and stop freaking out over everything. I need to stop nagging, isn't that the woman's job anyway? I am hormonal and emotional and take everything as a personal attack. I need to go hunting or fishing or bowling or grunt at something. I need to do something truly manly and dude-ish."

So, after thinking like a dude I went to the husband and said, "I did what you told me to do. I thought like a man and if I were a man I would need dude time."

Husband's response: "Are you rejecting me?" (Again, isn't that something a woman would ask?)

So, I went back to the bathroom to complete my nightly ritual and all of the sudden something hit me. Something I should have seen a long time ago. Something my husband has been trying to get me to understand for almost a decade.

I put myself in the shoes of a women whose husband is frequently gone doing "dude stuff". I would nag him about being gone too much and I would nag him about liking his guys better than his girls. I would nag, nag, nag. I thought, "I do not want that!" I went to my sweet husband and I first apologized and then and I thanked him for loving me and finding me to be his one true friend. He has told me many times he doesn't need guy friends when he has me. As a female who needs female friends because my husband cannot fill that need, I felt extremely guilty.

My husband having dude time is not going to solve anything. Especially my attitude. I assumed his ranting and raving about the spider, mold, and whatever else he conjures up before he goes to bed, is because he is unhappy with me. I need to trust that he is happy with me. I need to be understanding of where he comes from as the man of a house. He sees problems left and right and wants to "fix" everything. The part that causes him to be so frustrated is that he is tired all the time and always too busy to do anything about "fixing" anything. I love him. I love that he cares so much.

What I need to do is stop the emotional response every time he gets upset about something. Not everything is my fault, so I need to stop reacting as if he is blaming me for everything. When in all reality he is upset at himself.

Question for the dudes:

How do I support him with his "problem", minus all my estrogen?

MHC?

2009-09-23T14:24:00.003-06:00

Male Hormone Cycle. Yup, that's right. Men have hormone cycles too. And girls believe me when I tell you that their cycles can be worse than ours! My husband, when he is in a good mood (which means he is not on his MHC), will admit it! Actually, after watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding recently, he has decided to call them HORMONIES. It lightens the mood.

So, for today's 3rd entry I will just let you know that I successfully survived my husbands peak of MHC last night. Maybe I should get him some chocolate to munch on tonight. I know that always makes my hormonies more bearable. I think we should both be old enough that our hormonies should be balanced...Right? Unless of course men go through some sort of menopause too. Wait! It is call men-o-pause. So maybe, for women that is when men should pause in their verbal and physical pursuits. And for men, well they just need to pause. So, that is straight from the mouth of Dr Sue. You hear that? Once you reach the menopause phase in your life, just press pause; no matter your gender. Hmm, I wonder what I mean by pause? That needs some serious critical analysis.

Peanut Butter Cookies

2009-09-22T08:16:00.003-06:00

It is amazing what greeting your man at the door with fresh home baked peanut butter cookies and a big squeeze can do for your own heart! My husband has what I will call from now on CARD (Critical Anal Retentive Disorder). His "made-up" (by me and partially him) disorder was no less extreme than usual last night, but my reaction to it was lets say, less intense! I cannot let my husband have all the fun with a "made-up" disorder. So, now for my "made-up" disorder...UIFD (Unbalanced Intense Female Disorder). I tried so hard to come up with a funny acronym! My husband and I have found that laughing at our "disorders" is far better than taking them too seriously.

Well, today will make day two on this journey. Who would have thought Peanut butter cookies could have so much power! Anyone need a cookie?

I've Gotta Be Startin' Something

2009-09-21T13:40:00.002-06:00

I am guilty! I have stolen my title from Michael Jackson. It doesn't matter though because it still applies to what I have to say to you today.

My last entry was quite dramatic. I was experiencing some pretty dramatic things in my mind. I have since decided what better place to work through my drama than here, in my virtual world. What better place to share little tidbits I learn along the way. Who knows? Maybe in some small way I will help my readers face their struggles.

I know, I am going to be getting pretty personal. I am going to be opening up a whole lot of "stuff" that many people don't usually discuss on blogs. So what? Maybe someone should. So, today we shall begin this journey together.

"Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. The title alone makes me want to puke. My initial reaction when I first read the title was, "what about me? What about the proper care and feeding of me?" In addition to this really negative first reaction, my mother-in-law was the giver of this grand book. I thought, "what is she trying to tell me?" The receipt of this book certainly was not positive. And then a month ago, my sister-in-law sent me her copy and recommended it. Again, "what is she trying to tell me?" I am beginning to think my husband's family doesn't think I am taking very good care of their boy.

So, all of this has really gotten me thinking. Am I giving my husband proper care and feeding? My thoughts and feelings go so much deeper than this though. Let me try and explain it short and simple with an attempt at adding some sweetness. (ha, sense my sarcasm in that?)

I came to the conclusion that there is a very dark truth about me. I am possessed of the devil. Laugh all you want, but it is true. A devil called pessimism, depression, and anger. Oh and let me add to that list lack of trust. Wait, I think that is 4 devils. Yikes! I am pretty screwed up!

My mind had been so completely clouded over with lies. Lies that any rational person would have immediately disregarded. I had far lost any rational thoughts on the matter of marriage that my heart too became dark. One may ask, How does this happen? I will tell you. A little at a time. I can take you back to the very beginning of my relationship with my husband and I can tell you that from the very very beginning our relationship was under attack. I allowed the bombs to enter my mind and heart and eventually bring us today, a tiny little village within my heart completely destroyed by war. I allowed it. I am a spiritual person and believe there is opposition in all things. If there is something so great as love, then there is certainly something as great as hate. Light and darkness, I have certainly experienced both.

I have not lost hope in marriage. I have actually gained some serious insights, or light if you will, on the matter of my marriage. In particular I have finally understand what was happening to me.

I wrote my husband an in depth letter discussing my fears, ultimately my "devils". I have realized that when I admit something to myself and then confide my weaknesses in a close friend I become more aware of attacks made on my weaknesses. Facing trials seems more bearable. And I most certainly come out stronger, rather than weaker by holding them in. Because, previous to my confession I locked my fears deep with in my heart, afraid that if I let them out people would get hurt, which in all reality everyone around me was getting hurt even worse than if I let it out.

The "something" I've gotta be startin' is a documentary of my new path. I am going to take you along. One, I need company, and two, maybe we can learn from each other. How often have you been allowed into someone's life? Someone's struggles? Welcome to mine. I do not anticipate a perfect journey, I understand there will be bumps along the way. But we will experience them together. Maybe laugh, maybe cry, but we will definitely learn.

So, come along as I take you on my journey to a happy and healthy marriage! I will strive to document daily, that I may recognize on a daily basis my progress. As my profile states, this is my world...welcome to it!

To Fly Would Be Grand

2009-09-03T11:31:00.004-06:00

With every step I took negative energy was released through my toes. My arms swung with great force to burn off all my anger and frustration locked deep within. I noticed my surroundings, that they were beautiful, peaceful and serene, but I did not give my heart to the hills for fear they too would betray me. The water babbling along through the canal was free, why could I not be free just as she? The ducks that foraged along the bank for breakfast too were free, why not I? I walked on fiercely, my thoughts and emotions driving me further on.

My feet dove straight into the soft sand of the foothills, nothing could stop them or keep them from going farther still. Away from the shade of lush trees along the canal path and facing the dry mountain desert hills, my nerves lose tension as sweat begins to run down my cheek. The sun's warmth is welcome to my icy disposition and I long to climb to the top of the world just to touch the rays that give such warmth! My breathing is staggered as I suck in air so dry my lungs heave and my mouth longs for moisture. I continue forward determined to leave my world behind. The hills are alive with red winged grasshoppers and yellow fuzzy ants and tall sunflowers. The hills' current hiker is dying and longs to be just as alive as its occupants.

I reach a summit. I stop and turn in circles as I take in my surroundings. I look below to where I had come from and see that if I run fast enough back down I may just be able to fly. I take my first step, then another, soon gravity increases and my feet are no longer my own. Up and over hills, around the bend, at every turn insects fly and buzz and click their little bodies out of the path of furry. How I long to be free, free to fly far, far away from here!

I stop, hunched on the ground, coughing and sobbing. I can not fly.

I'm a Poet and Didn't Know it!

2009-08-30T14:58:00.002-06:00

As I lay in bed
I listen to the sounds of thunder
I synchronize my heart beats
to the beat of rain
My heart breaks with the crack of lightening
The inner peace I previously felt
is shattered by annoyance

Years and years ago I had an English class that spent a small portion of time on writing poetry. I was horrible! I just couldn't rhyme or be emotional or anything. A few years after high school I made an attempt to read and write poetry, but I just never understood it or fully grasped it's point. The story behind the above poem, in case no one gets the true emotion of the poem, goes like this...

Last night I was determined to go to bed at a decent hour, it was 1045. I was excited and thrilled to go to bed with a storm rolling in. I just love the sounds of a storm! As I snuggled in to my cozy bed, so comfortable and ready to fall quickly asleep, I heard a noise that was not the noise of a storm. Boom...ba da boom, da da tadada, Boom...da da boom, da da tadada...repeated over and over and over and over and over and over....I think you get the point. These were the first external sounds that filled my ears since living in our new place. My impression of having quiet neighbors was boomed right out of existence. I did all within my mental power to block the annoyance and focus on the whir of my fan or even better, the rarity of natures rhythmic percussion. Nothing worked.

The annoyance continued for 45 more minutes! Before I knew it I was falling asleep way beyond a reasonable time to go to bed and barely even had the chance to truly enjoy the rare storm.

So, before falling off to sleep I wrote the above poem. And that was when it occurred to me. Poetry only makes sense to the author of the poem. Take my poem for example, the reader would probably think I was saying the storm was annoying. Well, now you know...neighbors are annoying.

In conclusion,

As I lay listening to the sounds of a soothing storm announcing Autumn is near,
neighbors are listening to the sounds of bad rhythm and drinking beer.

How's that for rhyming?

God does hear us

2009-08-13T15:48:00.000-06:00

We moved into a house that is 2 blocks from our children's school full knowing that the first grade was FULL. Lydia was number 3 on the waiting list. We were planning to home school her (because they wanted to bus her to a different school that was 4 miles away) until the school notified us of an opening. Lydia was devastated by this news. She was truly heart broken. She was also very mature about it and agreed to work hard from home so that when she could join her class she would be on top.

As a family we have been praying that Heavenly Father would bless Lydia to start school on the first day with her sister and the other children. In secret I pleaded with Heavenly Father to know the thoughts and feelings of my 6 year old child. I told Heavenly Father that I knew that with Him, nothing was impossible. I knew that if it was His will, 3 families with first graders would have already moved or would be moving.

Today, just moments ago, I received a call from the school. She informed me that they received notice that 3 first graders had moved and that Lydia would be starting school along with all the other children! Right then and there while on the phone with the secretary I got choked up and could have cried. Not because Lydia's attending public school was so important to me, but because attending school with the other children was important to Lydia. I am so emotional because Heavenly Father KNOWS and LOVES my precious child, HIS child. He HEARS and ANSWERS prayers of the young and old!

For with God NOTHING shall be impossible! Luke 1:37

The Hills Were Definately Alive

2009-06-25T10:13:00.003-06:00

On a day not too long ago I felt restless and needed a hike. Upon dragging the family out to a spot unknown to me and well known to the husband, my heart began to lift and my spirits began to ease.

The weather was a perfect 77 degrees with the most gentle and refreshing breeze. A warm sun to melt any ice that may have previously been embedded into the crevices of my heart. As I walked along the narrow path that winded gently through the foothills my eyes were turned upward in a moment of gratitude and appreciation for such a beautiful gift. The foothills could not be more alive and perfectly beautiful than they were at that moment as I walked by. It was if the foothills had just woken up from winter to say "Hello, Am I not just the most beautiful country you have ever seen?"

Wild flowers had bloomed in abundance and danced to the gentle tune that the wind played. In the distance I could hear the sound of birds playing in the tree tops and the giggles and sequels of children being chased by their father, distant sounds because my wild heart could not be tamed that day and I felt the need to run on.

Ah yes, the flowers. The colors that spread like a blanket over the usually dusty desert hills were all fresh and wet as if the artist had just completed his masterpiece and had not fully dried yet. Flowers of white, purple, yellow and a unique treat I had never before seen, a sweet pink flower resembling the kind you buy at the florist shop. The sage was in full bloom and smelled of a freshness that only an allergy suffer would not notice. Thanks to Zyrtec I was such a person who might enjoy a day like this.

The hike offered such a variety of natural pleasures to enjoy. Red winged black birds and the sounds of birds I could not identify. Sunshine was offered while walking through sand and sage. Tall shade trees that offered a refreshing break from the hot sun grew in abundance around the bank of a gentle stream. Plant life foreign to my uneducated mind of biology was alive in every imaginable way throughout the foothills. My mind may not know the names of the plants or birds but to my soul they were all close friends. Friends I was sad to say good bye to when the hike had ended.

Dehydrated Carrot

2009-05-10T12:49:00.002-06:00

I have an interesting analogy today. Today's message at church was a unique tribute to mothers, talks were given on Adversity. Oddly enough it is true. My good friend gave a wonderful message about facing adversity and coming out stronger and more faithful. She is a wonderful example and I only hope that I can become half of what she is.

So, my thought is rather pathetic but it is real none the less. I was lying in bed momentarily after church and said to my sympathetic husband "I feel like a dehydrated carrot", SNORE (Kevin was asleep beside me).

As I sat listening to the amazing message presented by my friend, who I happen to admire a great deal, I began to think about the adversity I have faced and whether I learned everything I should have learned, did I really grow from it. I then noticed the woman within my peripheral vision, all of which are amazing women! I had high regard for each of them and the respect I had for each of them was huge, each in a different way! So, while I was laying in my bed reflecting on these amazing women I oddly thought of a really good vegetable soup. All of these women were like the amazing delicious ingredients in the soup. Vegetable soup would not be the same if any vegetable was missing.

And here I was feeling rather inadequate among such amazing ingredients, realized I was a dehydrated carrot that was thrown into the soup. If only I could rehydrate myself and become just as amazing as the fresh potato or home grown pea.

I understand that was not my friend's intent, to make me feel like a dehydrated carrot. I certainly left the meeting thinking to myself, half conversing with God, and asking "Have I sufficiently learned?" If I had I wouldn't be asking that, right?

I want to be a fresh, home grown, organic carrot. But seen as how I am not I will make the best of this "soup" and through the process of being stirred and simmered, maybe I can soak up some of the soup's goodness and flavor. So, although I was originally thrown in as a dehydrated carrot, maybe in the end it will seem as though I was just as fresh and homegrown as all the other amazing ingredients and no one will ever know the difference.

Utopia

2009-04-30T14:39:00.002-06:00

My good friend asked me if my post on death was the "death of my blog". Hmm, good question. I have toyed with the idea of saying good bye to the old blog, possibly even print it and add it to my other journals. But I will have to say No, it is not good bye forever. This blogger is going to hang on until death does in fact tear me away from the clicking and clacking of keys!

In my defense of not blogging, my thoughts are just so reserved for my online classes that I feel I have nothing else to give right now. As the title of this entry states, Utopia, is on my mind. I am currently enrolled in Sociology 101. Very fascinating class. I was encouraged to imagine a society in which there are no social classes, no differences in people's wealth, income, and life chances. This was my reply to one class mate in regards to "middle class" status...

I too have thought a great deal about where I came from, where I am now, and where I long to be. I certainly would never place my growing up status as middle class. I certainly do not consider myself middle class now. But in defense of that I must say that if there were other statistics riding on what class individuals are placed in, I would most definately have grown up in Upper class style and would still be in Upper class style!

I have ALWAYS had food to eat, presentable and clean cloths to wear (my mother took great pride in appearance, it was all she had control over), a comfortable home with plenty of opportunities to learn and grow, a faith that I base my whole life around, parents who loved me and cared for me, and now that I am grown I enjoy the same pleasures except now I have an addition of a husband who works hard, has the same goals and ideals, and I have children who have 10 fingers and toes each, two eyes that work, two ears each (that work most of the time), and minds that are healthy and active. In my oppinion all of this makes me far more UPPER class than any wealthy woman on the whole earth.

To me that is a utopian society. A society in which there are blessings in abundance. Blessings beyond materialistic wants, but an abundance of the good and necessary things in life.

Death

2009-01-30T13:58:00.002-07:00

An interesting topic for you today, death. I am on my final week of my first class back to school and it has been all about human development. This final chapter is about death, dying, and bereavement. I am still young but I cannot help contemplating this inevitable event. I want to put down my thoughts about this so that I can think more clearly in regards to the part, "What about my family?". I have always hated the idea of dying young and leaving my family to live long lives without me. I admit, I am greedy and selfish and do not want to share them, not with anyone. They are mine, all mine.

But with this chapter one of the reflection questions asked what we thought of death. My heart was wrenched and torn into a million pieces and I reminded myself again that I am not allowed to leave before my family has grown to a ripe old age and my husband and I die together in each others arms. Well, I sucked up that mentality and tried to think more clearly and decided a very difficult thing. That difficult thing is this...

I could not ever imagine my life without my children and husband. I would be heart broken to leave them. I had never taken the time to think about them and how would they get on without a mother and a wife. I had always felt that if they couldn't have me then they got no one. Young children need a mother, young men need a wife. As painful as it is for me to admit this, I would never want them to suffer and long for a woman in the house just to please their dead wife and mother. I would want them to be happy. I would want them to be taken care of. Ouch, this hurts.

I am done venting this. I am just deciding here and now that I am going no where and if I have to then the woman who takes my place better be DARN AMAZING!!! Oh wait, maybe I wouldn't want her to be better than me, because then my sweet children and husband would forget all about me. So, I'd be alright with her being just OK.

The Beaver

2009-01-27T12:36:00.003-07:00

So, my absence has been due to the fact that I am now a full time student as well as full time homemaker, amongst other things, and I just don't have the time anymore to write. Any thoughts I have are mere passes in the wind. Nothing ever solidifies and gets put down on paper, or in this case, my blog. I have been more diligent in keeping my personal journal, but even those entries tend to consist of, "BLAH" or "Nada to dada". I even wrote one day "Nada Pinata" because it rhymed. How pathetic.

I am enjoying being back at school. I am learning a lot from this first class. But what I am learning from Adult Development isn't what I wanted to write about today. I have been sick the past couple days and not seriously motivated to pour over my text book as I should. So, yesterday I took a break and went to Netflix to watch a quick episode of Leave it to Beaver, season 1, just to ease some mental tension.

All about Leave it to Beaver...Man were those the good ol' days. I love that boy. So sweet and innocent, mischievous and naughty. Typical boy I'd say. I literally wanted to reach through my monitor and pinch his cheekies. The first episode was a complete crack up. I haven't laughed out loud like that in a while. By the end of the 24 minute episode my heart had been lifted. My nose was still running, my head still throbbing, it all seemed a little more tolerable after getting a good laugh in at The Beaver.

Uh, I guess it's true then. Laughter is the best medicine. Well, the Benn and Jerry's Berry Sorbet did help quite a bit too! OK, so the Sudafed helped the most, but I won't give all the credit to the drug industry because the Beaver sure is funny.

Forgotten

2009-01-04T17:22:00.004-07:00

I was practicing a song on the piano yesterday for our church choir ( I am the new pianist, ha ha ha, I can hardly play as it is)and feeling a bit overwhelmed with my lack of skill, I decided I deserved a break from the HAVE to practice. I love to play the piano, I could do it for hours every day. My Grandma Stubbs gave me a book of classical pieces when I was maybe 17 or 18. I hadn't opened the book in years. As I bent over to pull the book off my shelf my heart and mind were flooded with memories of that book, my Grandma, and a promise. The promise means nothing, it was never followed through with. It was the memory that means so much to me. But not only that, it is what I gained because of my Grandmother's promise. My Grandmother, who has since passed away, brought me the book on one of her last trips to my home in Missouri. She sat down with me, handed me the book, and said, "I will give my....to whichever of my grandchildren who learns one of the songs that I have checked as favorites and play it for me" I was floored! I worked hard learning two songs. I was the only one to learn and play a song for my grandmother

Years have since passed. I had forgotten all about the book and all about the promise. I ran my hands across the contents page and noticed all of my Grandmother's check marks. I turned to the first one and played with rusty fingers a song I had long forgotten I had ever played for her. Then I played the next song on the list and I played with all my heart. I played for my Grandmother. I played hoping she would hear and be proud of me, that I could still play one of her favorites.

I realize that the gift that I never received wasn't the gift I was meant to receive. The gift I received is greater than the one lost. I received a love of classical music, I worked hard and learned to play a song that I would have never played other wise.

When I finished the two pieces I sat and thought of my Grandmother and my Grandfather who both had a love of the piano. I never knew them very well, they lived in Idaho and I in Missouri, but I pray that through my practice I am in some way reaching out to them and in some way close to them. Particularly my Grandmother who gave me the challenge in the first place.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T10:26:00.002-07:00

Late last night while Kevin and a friend were out back at the park shoot off fireworks I sat on the edge of my bed in the dark looking out the window at the humble fireworks display.

My mind was turned to my earliest memory of New Year's Eve. I must have been about 9, the year being 1985ish. My family was living just outside St Louis Missouri at the time. I had a really close friend, Heidi Schultz, who was hours younger than myself. She and I were very close, her family was my second family. I do recall even dreaming of marrying her brother who was just barely older than us so that I could truly be part of their family.

My parents had actually allowed me to go to the city with them for the big New Year's celebration that took place just beneath the Arch on the Mississippi River bank. The memory is so fresh in my mind, as if it was just last night that I experienced it. This memory is more than just an image, it involves all of my senses.

The stench of alcohol and cigarettes on the thousands of breaths waifting down upon my young lungs, the ground so saturated with spilled beverages that my feet stuck to the pavement. My heart raced with excitement, anticipation, and even fear. Fear of the many people crowding me and bonking me to and fro, fear of being separated from my friend and her family. But then the show began. All fear was gone, my eyes were drawn upward and the sky was filled with the most beautiful bursts of color. So many explosions created a smoke filled sky, causing the fiery lights to be illuminated. Half of the beauty of the display was reflecting not only on the river itself but on the St Louis Arch, the emblem of expansion.

I'd never before seen so many fireworks light the night sky, and to have been underneath all of it. Looking up became painful, my eyes like a butterfly net catching not butterflies but falling ash.

I recall the feeling of climbing into my friend's van, the show ending minutes after midnight, my eyes heavy with sleep, smoke, and ash. The night had ended and with it another year and another childhood memory.

Happy times creating memories, happy times learning, happy times serving, happy times making a difference, Happy New Year, happy 2009.

Gifts of Christmas

2008-12-27T15:47:00.003-07:00

I cannot believe another year has gone by. What a wonderful and full year it has been. I have so much to say and so little time. I even have a million photos to post and a story to go along with each. I will keep this particular post focused on my thoughts that I want to express at this time.

A year ago felt as though it were a million ago. Last Christmas was the worst Christmas of my life. You may recall me posting about feeling like a scrooge. Which by the way I have read the book now and it is absolutely wonderful and I recommend viewing the Christmas Carol starring Alastair Sim. Very moving. Feel free to go back in time and reread my thoughts during that horrible time for me.

This year I wanted nothing more to make up for last year. I read several wonderful Christmas stories to get in the spirit, A Christmas Carol, Christmas Jars - which I highly recommend and will further mention later on, When Christmas Comes Again, and The Quiet Little Woman and other short Christmas stories by Louisa May Alcott. I also started Christmas far earlier than anyone I know. I started just after Halloween. I sewed and sewed and sewed. Which, by the way, is not like me at all. I have rarely sewn anything in my whole life. Boy did I have fun learning and creating. I also completed all my shopping in November, until Grandma sent a check and ruined the NO STORES THE WEAK BEFORE CHRISTMAS goal. I also did paper craft on wooden boxes, 5 to be exact. I made a paper craft I Love You book for my daughter and together she and I made a cute pillow for her sister. Last year my family started a new tradition of drawing names and the name we choose gets a special home made gift, which explains the last two projects I mentioned. Photos of those mentioned projects will appear at a later time.

The weak before Christmas finally arrived and with it came the smells of orange and spices, amongst other yummy smells. Wassail, spiced nuts, Nutmeg melt aways, Cherry Snowballs, Orange truffles, butter mints, toffee bars, cheese cake with a blue berry sauce, pumpkin pie, and banana cream pie are the many delicious things I slaved over for a weak. I didn't even mention the scrumptious dinner...Turkey, made my mother's way - which, by the way, there is no other way in all the world to make a more tender and juicy turkey, a cous cous stuffing that I invented, sweet potato casserole with cranberries and almonds on top, REAL mashed potatoes, gravy, Frog Eye Salad, my sister's recipe because there is no better one out there, and I completely forgot a fancy veggie so we had cold carrots with an avocado dip.

Christmas Eve Kevin and I were up until after midnight putting together my Christmas present, a piano, oh alright it is a family gift. (If I were to have my very own expensive present and not share, it would be a camera.) After the piano was all put together, dusted and a big bow on top, I took the GINORMOUS box out to the dumpster. With snow falling and the wind not so chilly, I took a moment to slide around on the frozen parking lot of our complex. It was the high light of my week. It was so late that there was not a person or sound other than me laughing and sliding around. I cannot recall a more relaxing moment during the past two months.

Unfortunately the girls are at the age now that they know what Christmas morning brings, NO SLEEP for Mom and Dad. They came in to get us at 630! I don't know how long they were out at the tree but when they jumped on me explaining with great detail and enthusiasm all the many things that were under the tree I figured they had to of been out there for a good several minutes.

Phew, did you catch all that? I was so exhausted by the end of Christmas day I collapsed on the floor feeling like I had jet lag. I literally was in bed asleep by 6pm! I was sad I missed out on the evening fun but I couldn't move without feeling like I might vomit! I even took a Dramamine to get the room to stop spinning. I slept until 730 the next day!

Well, now that I have thoroughly updated you on my amazing 2 months I will wrap this up with an expression of gratitude. The greatest gifts I have are my children, my husband, and my life. I ask for nothing more than that and Heavenly Father has seen fit to bless me with more than I could ever imagine or ask for. The piano is such a blessing to me. It has already filled our home with the sounds of music! We have sang around it and played together. Pianos bring the fondest childhood memories for me and I pray that this new piano does the same for my children.

A whole lot of Stuff

2008-12-21T07:28:00.004-07:00

I have failed again as a blogger. I completely forgot to share our thanksgiving holiday with you, amongst other things.

The first slide show is of our trip to visit family in Vegas. We took the scenic route and boy was it amazing! It was faster and we saw many neat things in those desert mountain, like two different herd of deer (which were also different breeds), a coyote, several large birds of prey, bunnies, and also some plant-life I had never seen, like the Joshua Tree. There was always something to look at. We played travel games, that I bought from my Usborne Company, and the 9 hour road trip felt like 5. It was amazing. The girls didn't even start asking if we were there yet until an hour out. They did ask at the beginning so I explained to them that we would be in Vegas by the time the sun was in the right side windows. Kevin and I both decided that this was the best road trip ever and that we much prefer traveling with older children. What a difference older children make in a road trips.

The next is of our visit with family in St George for turkey dinner. I had so much fun visiting and playing that I forgot to take photos of more than just the girls playing in the rain. The other young lady with my girls is their Aunt. The girls had unbelievable fun in the rain. Emily was the last to poop out. She had a ball! But that girl loves anything involving water!

The next slide show is of Lydia's Birthday. I can't believe I have forgotten to post so many different things! Her Bday started on the Saturday before and ended on the actual day, Monday, in Vegas at Grandma's. We don't do a lot of wrapped gifts for birthdays. Our bday celebrations consist of outings and doing whatever the bday kid wants, well, with in reason anyway. Lydia chose to see Bolt, play at Artist for the Day, use her coupon for Monkey Dooz glitter manicure, and eat at TGIFridays.

Well, with Christmas right around the corner I will call this entry to a close and say, until next time, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Day!"

a Funny Narration

2008-12-10T08:21:00.003-07:00

A couple nights ago the girls and I were in the car going to Archiver's to get some free prints. For reasons unknown to me the girls and I engage in some of the most interesting conversation while driving in the car. This night in particular was rather hilarious. I just listened, as making my way in the dark, to my sweet girls carry on the oddest conversation known to Mothers. I missed the beginning of the conversation, due to my own day dreaming, so I will just start my narration at the point when I tuned in.

Emily: "I wish I were more flexible like the girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Movie so that I can do all the flips and tricks I want without getting hurt or all the practice and hard work."

Lydia: "I am so frustrated that I am not a monkey. I wish that I were so that I could climb onto the top of all the buildings and swing from lights and trees, just like Curious George."

(So, as you can imagine, my ears perked up.)

The seriousness of my daughters' voices continues as their conversation continues.

Lydia: "I am also really worried."

ME: "WHY?" I asked, hoping I didn't cause the conversation to take a turn from serious to silly, because I thought it was too hilarious that my daughters were carrying on such a hilarious conversation without even breaking a smile, they were truly in complete and utter seriousness!

Lydia: "I know I am a really strong and fast girl, but I am worried because I can't learn to fly because I might fall and get hurt and I really really want to be a super hero but I am afraid of getting hurt while flying and doing tricks and stuff."

ME: holding breath, plugging nose, turning blue, just to prevent from cracking up.

Ok, so their conversation continued in this manner and for some reason my questions caused Emily to reprimand me.

Emily: "Mom you are hurting Lydia's feelings. I think she is going to cry. She is really serious Mom."

ME: "I am sorry Lydia, I do not mean to hurt your feelings. Are you really serious?"

Lydia: "Yes, Mommy, I am. I really am scared of not learning to fly because I am scared of falling."

I went on to explain to my girls that they will be able to do anything they want with hard work and focus. I also explained to them that when I was a girl driving in the car with my parents I used to pretend I was a horse and running alongside the car and high speeds and jumping over huge canyons and such. So, imaginations can be wonderful things but to remember what is pretend and what is real.

Since that night, every chance they have had to play together it is spent being monkeys and swinging from tree tops.

Children...AREN'T THEY THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Silly Girl

2008-12-09T08:18:00.009-07:00

Yesterday my youngest and I spent a bit of time just goofing off. It is probably one of my favorite times being a mother, out of the blue have spontaneous nonsensicle fun.

Here's the story... I was sitting at the computer doing some research for an idea I had for our church christmas party. Lydia was tired of me not paying attention to her. She tried every trick in the book to get me off the computer and messing around with her, whether it was good or bad she got my attention. I decided that I had enough of all her tricks and gave in. She started this whole photo shoot with her own self portrait while sitting on my back (that was one of her last tricks she pulled before I gave in). We had some good laughs while being silly. I love Lydia. I love her silliness. I love how she makes me laugh, when I don't want to laugh, when I shouldn't laugh, and when I really really shouldn't laugh because I should be the parent telling her to stop when it is really not the right time, like when she is in trouble or it is a quiet moment at church.

The Cannery AKA Family Home Storage Center

2008-11-18T19:45:00.006-07:00

NO, not canary the bird, cannery, a place to can food. My church has a cannery for members of the church and other food storaging type folk to come work and buy food. Today was my first trip to the cannery. It reminded me at first of the good ol days working in a huge industrial laundry service. INSAIN. When you first walk in you are required to sign in, net your hair, put on an apron, wash hands and then slip into fancy blue latex gloves. My friend and I then headed back into the factory where we were to be orientated on proper procedures and such like stuff. When the man in charge had finished his speech about not stuffing date stickers in our pockets to be applied at home, some OSHA rule about stickers being applied before leaving the warehouse, he invited someone to say a prayer. Yes, say a prayer. I was so touched by this. I will comment further on this later on.

Salsa was on the menu today, the air was filled with the aroma of spices and tomatoes. There were about 20 folks total, ranging in age from twenty to 70ish. We assembled ourselves around long metal tables with countless mason jars and lids awaiting the steamy scrumptiousness of salsa. The speed and quality of our work was amazing. There was no yelling, swearing, or laziness in a single individual. Everyone worked, everyone did their part. If their job was finished they went onto a different person to assist, whether it be by screwing on lids or wiping of the dribbles. We worked non-stop for 3 hours. When the work was done we had several paletts of scrumptious salsa to be enjoyed by those who had worked and also those who are in need. I failed to mention that the food that is made and canned at this facility is not only for those who come and work/buy, it is for the needy. The food is distributed as directed by eclesiastical leaders.

The whole system is brilliant. It wasn't just the system that touched me so much today. It was the warmth, love, friendship, that we all seemed to share. The spirit that started off the whole shift of work. Beginning with a prayer was literally just the beginning. I was touched by the happy chatter amongst all the people. Few were acquainted with each other, but communicated as if they were long lost friends. I especially loved seeing the elderly couples working side by side preparing the very food they would share with their children and children's children. One couple had 21 great grandchildren and they would all recieve various food items for their food storage as christmas gifts. These couples were such good examples to me of eternal marriage and the importance of working together as a team.

I feel priveledged to have been able to work today and be a part of such a divinely inspired system and to work along side such Christ-like lovely people.

Election Day

2008-11-04T13:24:00.002-07:00

I was volunteering at my children's school today and there just happened to be an assembly. The assembly today was for first quarter awards and prizes and also to allow the second grade classes the opportunity to perform some songs they had been working on. The assembly started with the second graders leading us in our National Anthem and then we all recited the Pledge of Allegiance. Perphaps I am too sentimental but while singing the National Anthem I cared not whether or not I was heard, I belted out the song with all energy of heart with hand on my heart and tears filling my eyes. Then when it came time to say the Pledge my emotions overcame me and I got all choked up. I observed the other parents close by and saw some just standing, some saying the words but no hand on the heart, a couple doing as I did but probably with less emotion. Listening to the children is what brought on my emotion. These children are the ones who will lead us in the future. They are the ones whom we should look to, making sure they are properly educated, loved, and cared for. I love this country, I love what we stand for. I love my God! I know that He has given us this great land. I PRAY this country continues to be great!

My YW Personal Progress 10 hour Project

2008-10-30T15:28:00.003-06:00

Thoughts on LIFE

2008-10-29T13:45:00.005-06:00

These films are heart wrenching, obviously the goal of the makers of the videos. In all sincerity I have difficulty forming words to fully describe my thoughts and feelings on the issues that we face. The first thought that came to my mind is that we are America, Home of the Free. My opinion of freedom is based on my limited knowledge of the founding of this country and upon scripture. This land, America, is a gift. A place where we can exercise religious freedom. Freedom to worship God and freedom to obey His commandments the way He intended them to be, rather than the way man wants them to be followed. So, Where is the freedom? In the begining God set up laws and when He was through specifying those laws He said that we were free to choose for ourselves, and that there would be a consequence for whatever it was we chose. Something I teach my daughters is that we always have a choice and with every single choice we make there will be a consequence, that consequence will be either good or bad. I have great fear and sadness for anyone who chooses against God's law. I have difficulty even at this time finding words to express what pain I feel.

I read this morning about Christ hanging on the cross for You, Me, and every other person who ever lived or will live on this earth. While He hung in the most excrutiating agony He remained silent as non believers mocked and tormented Him further. His pain was unimaginable! Can you even begin to comprehend it? Not only was He suffering physical pain beyond any thing that a mortal has ever gone through, but he is suffering in his soul! For ALL of us. He knew this day would come. When I think of the sin in this world now and the Hell that our world will become with certain laws that may be passed or individuals who may become our so called leaders, I think of One Greater than us all. I think of what pain He continues to go through even to this day. I think of those innocent human lives being taken. Children of a loving Father in Heaven being tossed aside with the garbage, being left to die a miserable and lonely death. The corruption of our society! The thoughtlessness of God's power! He will not stand for such evil ways! But as angry, confused and wracked as I may feel I am reminded of what Jesus said just before dying, "Forgive them, they know not what they do". I can't help but wonder if "they" truly don't know what they do. Then again, Judas didn't fully know what he had done until it was too late, Satan already had a strong hold on him, and in the end took his life.

To the people who make such decisions that will not only effect unborn children of God but also those living, those desiring to keep Families in the units that God intended them to be, I pray for you. I pray for this country and those voting. I pray for humility that I forget not the ways of God, not to mention His great power.

weekend weirdness

2008-10-20T14:59:00.003-06:00

Saturday I went shopping at Jo Ann Fabrics for some odd items for these super adorable bags I am making for Christmas gifts, I will post them when complete. I found myself staring blankly at some beaded stuff and was in serious need of an opinion. My girls would not be much help, they were distracted by the Halloween costume display. I noticed a nice looking woman not too far away and thought she a perfect victim to get an opinion from. The woman looked at me like was going to attack her or something. I said, "I am having a hard time choosing beads for this bag, what do you think?" Her eyes widened a bit and hesitatingly she says, "uh, maybe that one", that was when I noticed her backing a few inches away. I replied with, "Seriously, I can't make a decision for the life of me! Please tell me honestly, which do you think would be better?" Again I get the, "uh, maybe that one". Emily came up at that point and she jumps in with "I like that other one better". I turned to her and said, "Thanks, I agree!" The other woman then says, "uh, yeah that one works too." She was NO help at all. I seriously think she thought I would like stab her or something if she was caught disagreeing with me. OK, so do I look like a terrorist? Oh wait! Can I say that on the Internet? Oh well, anyway, the woman was so weird!

Within minutes I still stood alone at the rack of beads and such and still was mowing over another decision. Not even two feet away stood two of the oddest, yet beautiful, woman you'd ever see in a fabric store! They both had dreads to their waists, tattoos on their arms, funky hippie skirts, purple bangs with beads tied onto some locks of dread, piercings on their faces, and I over heard some of the oddest conversation, like their children's names which all seemed to start with the letter Z and how they found it difficult to home school their kids while the husband was home for fear he would jump on themselves. Anyway, these women would normally be intimidating to people. Nope, not me! I walked right up with my bags and choices, I found them rather friendly and fascinating! I said, "excuse me. I am having THE hardest time choosing. Which one do you think would look better with this bag. I thought this fringe would look best with the bohemian style handle of this bag. What do you think?" The taller and more beautiful one said, "I love the fringe. You were a flapper girl in your previous life weren't you?" I laughed and said, "Why yes I was!" The remainder of our time in that store was spent in the presence of those two women. Honestly, they were the two nicest people I have ever met in this city! They didn't question my friendliness toward them, they didn't look at me strangely or with fear for their lives.

Isn't it interesting how we look at a person and judge them wrongly? So next time you jump to conclusions on someones appearance remember that it is most likely the "normal" looking person who is most likely the "abnormal" human. Ya, so who's to say what "normal" is anyway?

Food for thought I guess.

school days

2008-10-20T14:20:00.006-06:00

That time of year when cheep O' photographers make their attempt at taking your child's photo has come and gone. Boy does it bring back memories! I'd probably forgot about those moments with some stranger in my face telling me to turn or lift my head or do this or that, if I didn't have the evidance to prove the awkwardness of the moment. These young school days for my daughters do bring back a funny memory that does not involve wierd photographers.

It was the beginning of 5th grade, my parents had just uprooted our family again and moved us to a new city. I had decided that this new town and school was going to be the best experience of my life, I was a new girl in a new place. The night before the first day of school I dreamed of what the first day would be like. This is how it went...

Dressed in the most amazing "rock star" outfit I could pull off I walked up to the double doors of the elementary school, two men in black suits awaited my arrival and as I approached them they held the doors open for me. Just with in the doors the principal stood with micraphone in hand, students lining the hall clapping and cheering, the principle announced, "Welcome Suzy! Our new super star student!" I walked down the line of students smiling and giving a high five to out stretched hands eagerly awaiting a touch of my hand.

Hahahaha! I crack myself up! Think it came true?

Last Supper and The Garden of Gethsemane

2008-10-19T08:18:00.002-06:00

My heart is full, full of sadness, sorrow, and even joy. This morning, in my reading of Jesus the Christ, I have finally made it to the account of The Last Supper and the Betrayal.

In reading of the apostles and their weakness and even, I think, stupidity at times, I wonder how I compare. In Christ's serving them they questioned and wondered, he spoke and they understood not, He prayed and they thought blankly with no understanding. How often has He spoken to me, through the Prophets and the Holy Ghost, and I sat blankly in a stupor, questioning the reality of the message? How often have I disregarded the message and chose disobedience and misery over the blessings that come from obedience? How often have I been weak and stupid?

Jesus asked the three apostles who attended Him to the Garden of Gathsemane "What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation" and then he added, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

How often I have felt this! My spirit yearning in great love to remain "awake" and be watchful and prayerful for His great return, but my weakness lies in my flesh succombing to temptation, and yes even falling asleep...spiritually and physically. The price He paid for me makes that pain that much more of a reality. But what joy fills my heart with the great and undoubting testimony that Jesus Christ lived and died for me. In moder-day scripture, found in Doctrine and Covenants section 19 verses 16-19 we read, "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent, but if they would not repent, they must suffer even as I, which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit: and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and shrink - nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finishsed my preparations unto the children of men." My heart is drawn to the words regarding repentance. Christ suffered so that if I repent I will be free from the pain of sin, but if I repent not I will suffer even as He did. My mind cannot even comprehend the pain He felt! I have felt pain for my sins, but nothing in comparison for what He felt.

I love my Savior. I am nothing without Him. What darkness would engulf me without the knowledge and love I have for Him and His gospel!

Jesus' Parables

2008-10-07T08:39:00.002-06:00

In my reading of Jesus the Christ I recently studied 3 different parables taught by the great Teacher. Found in Matthew chapter 25 we read about 3 very important lessons that are taught in a way that will be remembered and applied. That is one reason I love Jesus. He teaches in such a way that I am able to visualize myself into His teachings and it is easy to see how it applies to me.

These 3 parables are in a chronological order that makes me think that it was done on purpose. If you take each parable you will see my thinking as well.

First Jesus tells the parable of the 10 Virgins. The message: Watch and Be Prepared. Then he tells the parable of the Entrusted Talents. The message: Take what he has given us and multiply it. The final parable, to me, wraps it all together; it is the parable of the dividing of the sheep from the goats. The message: Judgement at the last days.

I know that a thorough study of Christ's teachings, both within the Bible and the Book of Mormon, will not only prepare us for this life but the life to come. Being ever watchful for His return, doing all within our power to prepare both spiritually and physically for His return, taking the talents He has bestowed upon each of us so graciously and not only adding upon them in quantity but in quality as well, and then when He comes again and calls us to His presence we will be able to stand before Him good and faithful servants on His right side.

It is my greatest prayer and hope that all may come to this knowledge so that when He comes again we may each receive our reward.

A Good Laugh

2008-09-24T08:22:00.002-06:00

This is too funny, I must share first thing this morning. Lydia is sitting with me before we head out the door for school, today is my first day to volunteer in her classroom.

So, Lydia asked to see the pictures I have along the right side of the blog. When she saw a particular photo of Emily, it's only the five hundredth time to see the photo, she had an epiphany about the photo. I want you to stop for a moment in your reading, scroll down to the photo of Emily that is titled Sand Creature. Ok, have you done it? If you have keep that image in mind and listen to Lydia's epiphany...

"Emily looks like corn on the cob rolled in butter."

Haahhaaahha!

She is always good for a laugh! Hope you have a great day!

Attitude

2008-09-23T09:48:00.002-06:00

I have new goals. Goals of being better. How? I don't know. I'm still figuring that out. The list is endless...better pianist, better at guitar practice, better photographer, better wife, better mother, better writer... Is that too much? They say you should never bite off more than you can chew. I'm not really biting or chewing, right now I am just preparing the menu.

I work with the youth at my church and I was visiting with one of the 17 year old girls. I told her how I had always wanted to be a photographer for national geographic, she asked why I hadn't done it yet, my response, "I am chicken". She chuckled and said it wasn't too late. I always figured I was too late for all my "dreams".

So, this conversation along with many other such moments over the past week has given me a new attitude. I haven't ever really known what I wanted, let alone how to get what I wanted. I did know for a fact, without doubt, a short list of things I wanted and would not give up on, that short list has been accomplished, now what do I do? That list includes a mission for my church, marriage to an amazing man, be a mother. CHECK! On top of all this itch, as some people might call it, I am getting older...is 32 too old to be a dreamer? I want to do something, be someone! I just don't know where to start. I suppose the answer would be...Today.

So, this whole thought process also caused me to reflect on the things that I am grateful for. I find myself getting caught up too often in the past and what I haven't done and probably never will, that I neglect to see the BOUNTEOUS blessings right in front of me.

An Attitude of Gratitude I feel at this time. I am grateful for the mind I have been given, the love to learn. I am grateful for the love of music I have within me. I am grateful for the gift of having an eye for beauty. I am grateful for a husband who loves me more than my wildest dreams. I am grateful for daughters who are incredibly talented and have chosen me to be their biggest fan.

I have a question for you and would love more than anything to have your comments.

What do you want to do when you grow up? I figure if you are anything like me you haven't grown up yet. I wonder at times if I ever will. We'll see.

Teeth

2008-09-06T13:11:00.002-06:00

Have you ever heard the comment about our life cycle? The one about infants to geriatrics and how much alike the beginning and end are?

Just check out this photo of my Emily. I keep telling her that if she keeps losing teeth she will soon need dentures. Poor girl has another loose tooth, that will make 3 empty spots on top and 3 on bottom. I keep wondering how she even bites anything. I wiggled her new loose tooth and laughed, "You have the funniest teeth of any kid I have ever seen". She laughed along and made some silly toothless grin at me.

So, I was thinking about the oddity that teeth are. I have observed the rate at which Emily's teeth fall out verses the actual return of teeth in those empty spaces. When I get old and my teeth start to fall out, once again, will they fall out gradually or all at once? I think I'd rather them all fall out at once, just like Emily. That way I get just go to the Denture Guy and say with my mumbly lisp, "I need thum new teeth pleath". Maybe I would just go with my shiny new gums and work on funny faces, like pulling my lip up over my face, to pull at all the gawkers.

Speaking of getting old, I am getting old. I have precious metal shimmering in my hair and crowns in my mouth! I MUST be royalty!

First Day

2008-08-25T10:27:00.002-06:00

Well today marks the day that many young mothers dread and others anticipate with much enthusiasm. I am the latter. But today when I said goodbye to my baby girl Lydia and watched her rather tall figure for a kindergartener walk through the double doors my heart gave a little twist. She was so strong and brave, though I could tell in her goodbye that she was nervous. She wouldn't even look at me, possibly out of fear she might cry, but then again, maybe she is more grown up than I thought and she was too afraid kids might see her hugging her Mom.

Emily was a brave girl as well. She is a big 2nd grader now and show no sign of fear, although she was aweful quiet, bashful maybe but definately not a weak girl.

The first day of school holds such wonder and anticipation for all involved. I noticed so many new pairs of shoes and clothing, crisp, clean, and unstained. Brand new backpacks doning the child's favorite character or rock star, although my children will never mistake their special hand painted back packs. Parents looking confused as to which door their child lines up at, and of course the kindergarten parents in large mass huddled around their wide eyed child who stands silent and immovable for the first time in months.

Cameras going off in all directions and children with so few smiles. I actually had to make a deal with Lydia to get even one picture and she didn't even want to turn her head to look at me, it was a picture of her new backpack. I gave up on getting a face shot of her and went for Emily. She wanted a photo of her back pack that was updated with new paint and glitter. And no joke, never fails, my battery died! I was so disappointed. I had hoped to get a photo of Lydia entering the school and Emily ready to begin 2nd grade. But no such luck today. I will just have to settle with photos of the exiting.

Even now as I sit in my quite house all alone for 2 and a half hours my mind is on Emily and Lydia. Are they adjusting ok? Are they relaxing at all? Are they happy? My sweet daughters. This is the end of them being little girls and the beginning of them becoming little ladies. I have longed for the time Lydia would enter Kindergarten with dreams and hopes of all the many things I would accomplish, the weight I would loose. But now, I sit and catch up on bills and do a little writing and think only of how my baby girl, my Lydia will no longer be home with me all day long asking when we were going to go pick up Emily from school. I am sure that by tomorrow the feelings of lonliness for my sweet baby will be gone and I will feel ready to go out and tackle the road as planned. I mean, she is ONLY gone for 2 and half hours! This will be a piece of cake. Now, next year when she is gone ALL day, that will be a whole new story. I may just have to get a job at their school!

What do I lack?

2008-08-17T09:07:00.002-06:00

As I have mentioned, I have been reading Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage. He discusses in chapter 27 the story found in Matthew 19:16-26; Mark 10:17-27; and Luke 18:18-30. This is the story of the young rich man who approaches Jesus and first tells Jesus everything he is doing correctly and then asks, "what lack I yet". He was obviously a good man, faithful and obedient, and He believed in Jesus. But when Jesus said, "one thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me", the young man was sad at the thought of leaving behind his great wealth and possessions. Talmage says that "everyone of us may pertinently ask, What do I lack?"

I have been deep in thought since reading this section of the book over 4 days ago. I believe Christ has asked all of us to do this; to ponder on the way we live our lives and come to him and ask where we are lacking in our devotion to Him. What a difficult thing to do. I find myself more like the young man than I ever imagined I could be. I literally came up with a list of things to strip myself of and every single one would be difficult to rid my life of. Why? Probably for the same reasons the young man found it difficult. I have become attached to such worldly possessions and "entertainments" and some of them have such a hold on my heart that I think it would be too painful to part with them. Of course all of these things are trivial and certainly will not assist me in entering the kingdom of God. So, why am I not more willing to swiftly rid my life of such unnecessary weight. Why not exercise more self control and relieve myself of such heavy burdens that weigh upon my soul.

I look around me and see distractions and clutter everywhere. Things that will not pass with me into the next life. I rationalize and wonder are we really required to give up everything! Things that bring enjoyment and pleasure in this life? But I also thing that the lesson to be learned goes deeper than just possessions. Am I serving Him with all my heart, might, mind, and strength? Am I living my life to its fullest potential? Even yet, do I hide my talents under a bushel and show them not unto the world? So the question at hand, what do I lack, is so overwhelming to me. Where do I even begin?

I heard an analogy once about a camel. In order for a camel to enter through the eye of the city he would have to be completely stripped down and then crawl through. The labor involved is probably extensive. I imagine the old days when a camel would be weighed down with tents, food, and other provisions. The work it would take for the traveler to remove everything from off of his camel just to enter the safety offered on the other side of the walls. I will add further to the analogy with this, imagine the traveler packed all of his Cd's, DVDs, scrapbooks, collectibles, and treasures, onto the back of the camel, along with all the necessary things such as food and water. The weight that the camel would have to carry, and unnecessary weight, would be hard to bare. If the camel did ever make it to the safety of the city he would be too tired to even crawl through the eye once he was stripped down.

What do I lack? The courage to do whatever is necessary to free myself of all unnecessary baggage. I am ashamed. My list of things keeping me from entering the "eye of the city" is long, it is heavy, and it is nothing compared to the peace and safety that awaits if I strip myself of all ungodliness and follow Christ.

Bragging

2008-07-24T10:08:00.002-06:00

As avid readers might find I tend to share insights into the "world of Suzanna". That means I share everything I can possibly think of to share about myself. I don't open up to just anyone about my thoughts and views on life, especially in the spoken word.

I recently wrote about the book Emma by Jane Austin and the great new things I learned about myself. My sister, Cassandra, commented on that post telling me I needed to spend some time bragging a bit, rather than always "reporting" the things I learned about my negative nature. As many may find, bragging can be rather difficult. I personally find that reporting my self -discoveries of inadequacy much easier. My sister's comment has gotten me thinking this bright new morning. I find it difficult to admit that I think I have some really, pretty awesome, character traits, maybe even a skill or two. Why is it that the majority of the human race does that?

Think of the animal kingdom for instance...The cheetah knows he is the fastest cat and can pretty much catch anything he wants. Does he ever stop and say, "I am nothing, I will never be able to catch that animal. He is far to fast for me. I will just lay here under this tree and eat bugs that crawl on my paw"?

And what about the shark? Does he decide to quit swimming the oceans and just sink to the bottom like a brick and say to himself, "I am not scary enough, my teeth are not sharp enough, I will never be able to eat another seal, they are too good for me"?

Animals would never do that, so why would the human race, supposedly the higher life forms on this planet, do that? God created us in his image. I don't think that means just our physical features. How does God feel when we don't amount up to all he created us to be? When I think of a loving parent that parent wants their children to grow up to be their very best selves, to amount to all the potential there little selves can possibly be. I don't know any "loving" parent who would tell their child, "you will NEVER be able to do that, you are nothing, why are you even bothering".

In regards to what my sister said, I feel that I have done quite a bit of bragging on this site. If you have read my posts you will find that I have learned, grown, and even boasted on a thing or two. Even just having a blog and making it available to the world says, "I think I have something important to share, I think I have the potential to be a decent writer someday, I have amazing kids...let me show you their faces".

But in humoring my sister I will have to say that one of my favorite qualities that I possess is the ability to admit when I have failed, and after admitting my failure I do all I can to correct it and not fail again. See, I have the skill of turning something negative into a positive! :)

A Good Samaritan

2008-07-17T09:05:00.002-06:00

The parable of the Good Samaritan is a parable that most people are aware of. I grew up hearing the story and I have read it numerous times as an adult. Only this morning have I read it in a way that at first humiliated me and now has humbled me.

In Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage he discusses this parable and says, "Doubtless priest as well as Levite salved his conscience with ample excuse for is inhumane conduct; he may have been in a hurry, or was fearful, perhaps, that the robbers would return and make him also a victim of their outrage."

Never in all my times of reading and hearing the parable have I thought of what the 2 who passed by may have been thinking or feeling at the sight of the injured man. I always had hoped that I would be like the Samaritan. Here lies my problem. I never honestly looked deeply enough at the story or myself in order to truly find which I may be like.

The other day my girls and I were driving down a rode and just in front of us was a young man on a bike with no helmet. With in seconds he hit a pot hole, more like a crater, and flew head over heals in the worst looking bike accident I had ever witnessed. My heart stopped, and I immediately debated if it would be OK to stop and assist. I was afraid to. I won't even tell you all the many excuses that ran through my mind preventing me from stopping. A short way from the boy I finally turned around, and just as I did so car after car pulled over to assist the boy. I was too late. I had witnessed it and I failed. I am sick at myself for failing to help the boy. I am sick at myself for being exactly like the Priest and the Levite from the timeless parable of the Good Samaritan. I had passed by only looking and continued on my way in fear.

While reading the parable this morning my mind not only reflected back on this particular moment where fear kept me from serving my neighbor but also to many other very similar moments, but maybe had an "excuse" of being in a hurry. "Excuses are easy to find; they spring up as readily and plentifully as weeds by the wayside." Oh how I long to not be afraid or in too much of a hurry to be like the Samaritan in the story, "having a compassionate heart and no excuse".

(all quotes are found on page 401 of Jesus the Christ)

Lessons from Emma

2008-07-16T15:25:00.003-06:00

My current read is Emma by Jane Austin. When I told my husband that I was learning new things about myself while reading the book he laughed. He has started a new thing by giving me a hard time for reading fiction. "You and your FICTION", he says to me. I reply with, "You and your TEXT books. You are just JEALOUS".

As readers of Jane Austin know, her books speak a great deal of society and what is proper. If I lived during those times I would have been a vulgar, unrefined, and shunned woman. My least favorite character in the book is not a major character, practically a side note. But this character has none the less effected me in a huge way. I have had let's say, a huge awakening!

This character rambles endlessly barely without even taking a breath. She changes topic without even finishing the previous topic or sentence for that matter. She speaks way too quickly and loudly and gives no thought for other people's thoughts or their ears for that matter. While reading the pages where this woman speaks I just cringe. I almost want to skip those pages, but fearing I miss some important detail to the plot of the story I continue on painfully. But of course I never would have missed anything of importance had I skipped her ramblings.

This is exactly why I learned a great deal of myself from this story, in particular this wretched woman! I have realized that over my 30 years of being able to actually form words and have them come out of my mouth I have developed 4 bad habits.

I feel I have developed the first 2 by growing up in a big family where I was number 6 of 7 kids and if I ever wanted (still applies today) to say anything at all I would have to speak quickly and loudly.

Bad Habit #1...Speaking too quickly
Bad Habit #2...Speaking too loudly

And then once I left home and no longer had to compete to get a word in I learned that people actually don't always have something to say, so there was silence, and seeing a good opportunity to say what I wanted, I snatched it right up.

Bad Habit #3...Talking excessively

Now my final bad habit in communication was the biggest shocker of them all. This one actually applies in my marriage. It has been the key source to all miscommunication, lack of communication, and everything involved with communication.

Bad Habit #4...My word is NOT the final word

"Holy Cow! You mean my thoughts and feelings are NOT all that matter???"
I actually have to laugh at myself over this one. I realized that just last night and I almost had one of those moments where you stop dead in your tracks and with gaping mouth and wide eyes say, "I suck!" (objectionable or inadequate (Webster's dict).

So, with all this new found knowledge about my BAD HABITS in communication I hope that I can now apply my new goals of improving in my communication and no longer be what high society would find as vulgar and disgraceful. Come to think of it I don't think just "high society" would find me that way. Hmm.

Here's to being wise.

Monsters and Light Switches

2008-07-10T13:36:00.005-06:00

When teaching my girls about life and emotions I try to think up ways of explaining those things in a way that they might understand. Just 10 minutes ago I came up with a rather good one that must be shared.

At times I feel as though my blood is boiling and I am going to explode at any moment. Well, that is how I feel, but children don't understand boiling very well and hopefully don't know what exploding means. So, rather than continuing to be short fused and agitated and continuing to hurt my sweet girls' feelings with my negative energy I sat them down and very animatedly, because that is me...animated, I explained to them that I feel as though there are a million little monsters running through my veins screaming and yelling and these little monsters make me feel like running around screaming and yelling and want to tear something up. Their eyes got wide with fear! I explained to them that I do not want to do that, that I do not want to be angry, so I needed them to first take their own extreme energy levels down and to also take a nap.

So, that is the picture, now I'll explain why I have all these little monsters in my veins. Emily, sweet hearted and sensitive, has been whining and crying over everything and untypically disrespectful toward me with her words and attitude. Lydia, the head strong independent extreme physical energy type, has been running, bouncing, tackling, etc. To top things off I was babysitting a little girl who is a combination of Emily and Lydia but half the size so that makes her 10 times more extreme. We also had fun plans for the afternoon which got canceled, not on our part, and all of us were upset over this. I told the girls I needed them to go to their rooms for a nap until Dad came home with the car and rescued us from the confines of apartment living.

Ahhhh. I feel so much better.

Another, oh I don't know what you'd call it, "thing" I use to tell my children about hard to understand topics is in regards to emotions as well.

As I previously mentioned, Lydia is my child whose emotions are all extreme, anger to happiness. So, one day I sat her down, near a light switch. I explained to her some of the different feelings we have. She too contributed in this part. I explained that there is a time to have certain feelings and there is a time to not have certain feelings. That we are in control of those feelings, and that we should stay in control at all times. I showed her how I physically go to the light and can turn the light on and off. I let her try a couple times. Then I said, "our feelings are like this light switch, it is your choice whether to turn the light on or off. When you feel angry, turn off the anger, and turn on the happy." We talked about ways to turn off the anger, like a time out, a quiet time, a hug, etc.

Since this talk with Lydia I have rarely had to remind her. She has grown so much in controlling those negative feelings. I am so relieved to see that she is gaining control a lot sooner than I ever did. Shoot, I am still working at controlling my own personal switch. I think that is what provoked the whole discussion. I noticed how much Lydia is like me and I didn't want her to be like me in a negative way. I want to be a better person for her/them.

Book Club

2008-07-08T22:29:00.004-06:00

I just returned from my first book club EVER! What a wonderful sort of club. Why have I not been a part of one sooner? The book was called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I read it last night and this morning. Quick read, but really enlightening. Half the group liked the book the other half did not. It is a parable of sorts. I enjoyed looking for the applications to real life. I also enjoyed the many "pearls of wisdom" throughout the book. I actually took notes because my copy of the book, which I bought, had not arrived yet and I was panicking about not having read the book so I called the hostess and asked to borrow her copy. Because it was a loaned copy I didn't want to make little marks and such. I will reread the book and mark as I please. I do that with my scriptures. The book is absolutely nothing compared to scripture but the message in the book and the pearls of wisdom are definitely of a spiritual note. I found myself reading and learning a lot about myself. Funny how parables have a way of doing just that. Maybe that is why I enjoy that sort of story so much. I so seldom stop and take a close look at myself that it was much needed to take a time out and do a check on Suzanna. Boy am I off course on my "personal legend" (you need to read the book).

So, I am restless this evening and finding it difficult to stop my mind from continually running. As you can tell from the lapse in my posting I have had "writer's block". I have 3 major enjoyments, Reading, Writing, and Scrapbooking. All three of them I have had recent "blocks" in. I am now out of my "reader's block" and have at least 3 books bookmarked, I am now into a "scrapbooker's block", just so busy reading in my brief summer free minutes there is no creative power to scrapbook, and FINALLY I am out of my writer's block. I haven't been on here in so long because I felt it pointless to come on and write when my mind just was not coming up with anything to write. I enjoy writing very much. But I that if my thoughts are not REALLY interesting it is not worth it to waste cyberspace's space with my ramblings. Like now for instance.

So, I am glad to be back. It feels good. To be honest several times I found myself longing to come here. I thought almost daily, "what can I think up today to write on my blog?" And nothing would come. It seems that since summer time brings kids home from school my time, talents, and whole interests are keeping them entertained. Don't get me wrong, it has been a very fun summer, especially compared to last year. I just don't know what has happened to my creative thinking skills.

I have been reading a wonderful book called Jesus the Christ, and I am continually having thoughts on that book, but then my day gets busy and fail to come and write about them. In regards to parables I have been studying some of Jesus' various parables and they are so wonderful. I am really gaining a great love for Him. He teaches in the way that I am teachable. I am such a visual learner, a picture can paint a thousand words, well, I think that words can also paint a thousand pictures.

Well, this is lovely way to come back....RAMBLING. I am so tired from my long night and morning and reading. I just need to free my mind and then I can sleep.

So, to end this lovely ramble session I will give you one of my favorite quotes from the recent READ..."People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them".
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

2 Movie Reviews

2008-05-21T22:10:00.002-06:00

I watched 2 movies the past couple of nights that I find "review" worthy.

The first I watched last night, it was called I am David. Decent movie. I was not disappointed in the time put forth in watching it. It is about a boy named David who escapes from a concentration camp with a sack with very little to survive on. Through out the movie there are "instructions" being relayed, for the viewer and a mental reminder for the young boy. The instruction need to be followed by the viewer in order to be made sense of later at the end of the movie. I found the movie to be a personal journey for the boy. A journey of self discovery. He had no idea who he was literally and figuratively. He also needed to discover the world. He grew up in a horrible world, a concentration camp. His idea and views of the world were dark, depressing, and sad. The first time he sees a field of flowers, the smell of fresh baked bread, a warm touch by an old woman, all mark moments of sweetness. The first time he ever smiles is rather touching. He even asks if he had just smiled. I found myself wondering what that must be like, to "wake up". I find the boy having had an awakening to the goodness of life and of people, that there be no need to fear all the time.

The second movie I watched this evening. It was called The Remains of the Day. Waist of 2 hours. I kept waiting for the head butler to have his "awakening" just as David in the previous movie had. But the butler never did. I was rather disappointed. He lived every moment of every day of his entire life for someone else, his Employer. He did not have any thoughts on any matters, or at least he never vocalized them, he never listened to anyone, he never really lived. And to make it all worse, he let a beautiful opportunity of "awakening" slip right through his proper fingers. I must say it did give an excellent view into the life of an old world English butler. Tough job. He was faithful to one person and one person only. What a depressing life to live.

So, I am exhausted I want more than anything to go to sleep right this moment. But my thoughts on these two movies are too much to not put down here on my blog. Which person am I more alike? The young boy or the old man? Well, I am obviously neither seen as I am a woman, but their characters, which would I be. I feel at times that I am the butler, focusing so much on the duties and responsibilities that I let precious life pass right through my fingers. I want so much to be like the young boy, to look at everything and everyone as if it were my first time to ever see them, to taste, to smell, to touch, as if I had never done such in all my life, to cherish each and every moment.

My ending thought is that I should be both, but ultimately the cherishing should take precedence over the duties. So, I suppose I find both worth my time, the movies ended with me having a better understanding of myself.

Pinata

2008-05-18T19:31:00.002-06:00

That word looks funny with out the little squiggly thing over the n. Today before leaving for church I was sitting on the couch patiently awaiting the time to leave and Lydia breaks out in song. She makes up some of the funniest and cute songs, actually come to think of it the songs are quite like what an Oompa Loompa might come up with. Improvisation is what Willy Wonka says. I think she must have gotten it from them.

So, she is singing away and I am just giggling and this of course is way too encouraging. It was probably one of her best yet! I will do my best to try and relay the song to you. Don't even ask me the tune that too is made up. Here is the song, keep in mind the song is about me, it will be funnier later at the end.

You are so sweet
You are so delicious
You look so tasty
I want to gobble you up

You look like a pinanna
Full of candy
I want to hit you
Until the candy falls out

By this point I am laughing so hard I have to ask her what on earth a pinanna is. She tells me it is the funny shaped things at birthday parties that you hit and candy comes out. OK, so I explain the proper way to say it. She continues on with her song, singing pretty much the same stuff. Then she comes over to me, here is the finale of the song (I wish I recorded it!), and in slow motion using sound effects and everything, she pretends to swing a stick at me. Using her little fingers she comes to me with little tickle like grabs, pulls "candy" out of my sides and starts gobbling my arms (she uses just her lips, like a horse would, and "gobbles" me up, this is not uncommon for her).

Seriously the most hilarious thing she has ever done! Can I use serious and hilarious in the same sentence?

Romance

2008-05-18T18:22:00.002-06:00

What does romance or romantic mean? The subject of romance was on my mind recently and it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I have a false or naive, and too girlish of an idea of what it actually means. Here is what I found...

Webster's Eleventh Edition: romance - 1. medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural 2. a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in heroic, adventurous, or mysterious events 3. a love story in the form of a novel 4. to try to influence by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery.

Those definitions are exactly what I expected romance to be, and it has often made me sad that I don't have that kind of "romance" in my life. Kevin and I recently watched a particular romantic comedy, these are our favorites, and for some odd reason Kevin was in no mood to watch it necessarily with me. We are a rather cuddly couple and enjoy snuggling up to a good movie. But this night in particular, for reasons unknown to me, he refused to sit any where near me. He sat clear on the opposite side of the couch and pouted most of the movie, he even got up and left right before the ending. This was so unusual that I began wondering if it was me. Did I stink? Were my legs too hairy? Was the room too hot to sit close to me? Seriously, these would all be reasonable explanations, but this was not the case that evening.

So, upon finishing this adorable romantic comedy by myself I found myself in deep thought. And none of the thoughts were good. Don't get me wrong, I love my relationship with my husband. But I found myself wondering why I didn't have the romance in my life that is so often reflected in movies. Come on ladies, don't be shy, I know I am not alone in thinking such things. I have always enjoyed romantic movies and novels, not the gross stuff! Sweet love stories like Anne of Green Gables and Little Women and I finally read Pride and Prejudice. All amazing stories where the men all seem to fall over the women and shower them with the most unimaginable flattery! And probably the most recent movie that knocks my socks off in regards to romance is the Notebook. The ending in particular, as badly as I want to ruin it for someone who doesn't know what I am talking about I will not, is enough to make me cry for hours even after the movie has ended! So, I am a pathetic, hopeless romantic.

Now, knowing this great weakness of mine, let me explain the process of my thoughts following the experience of a husband who normally snuggles with me during movies, all of a sudden not even wanting to sit near me. I ended the evening in sadness and feeling a bit alone. But through my sleep and waking in the morning I came to think I had the wrong idea of what romance is.

Yes, romance is everything exemplified in movies and books, it is everything that Webster
explains in the official definition. I have in all reality fooled myself and have lived a naive life, a silly girl expecting a knight in shining armor holding a dozen long stemmed roses and riding a most beautiful stallion to come and rescue me from this wicked world.

Romance is so much more than that and it is humiliating to admit that it has taken me the great number of years that it has to come to this realization. I believe true romance to be when my husband and I are in the car and then out of no where I realize he has been holding my hand and I wonder, "when did he do that?"; when I peak in on him and see him curled up with our girls and he is reading them a story or just have a good ol' tickle fight; when my husband asks me what I want him to make us for dinner; when my husband says "give me a list, what would you like me to do today" with out me even ever dropping hints; when he actually gives me a kiss hello or good bye (he is not a believer in PDA, even at home!); when he sits by me in church and holds my hand; when I over hear him speaking kind words about me to his family; when he grabs me in the kitchen and starts twirling me around making our girls giggle as we dance around our kitchen. The list just goes on and on.

So, now that I have matured I admit, my husband is the most romantic man alive. He is my knight in khaki pants and plaid shirt, driving a tiny Suzuki Aerio, carrying a 50 pound backpack full of mind boggling books of physics, chemistry, and icky math, and he DROPS everything to hold me and say "I missed you today". And in all reality if I were to ever write a story about our love story, I would have to admit that it would be quite romantic. Who knows maybe someday I will.

The Sights, Sounds, and Smells of Spring

2008-05-10T14:14:00.002-06:00

Ah, springtime. I love springtime. It is my absolute favorite season, Autumn is runner up. For the first time this season my daughters and I finally made our way out of doors for our annual "new life" walk. We headed to Barber Park. This park runs right along side the Boise River. Just after starting our walk we heard a sound that one does not ever hear in apartment living. It was the rhythmic tap, tap, tapping of a woodpecker. We stopped on a bridge to see if we could find the maker of this beautiful natural music. To our delight the bird was not too far off and was easily spotted first by Lydia. We crouched down and quietly observed as he pecked away at the wood in hopes of finding some lunch. One thing I love about nature walks with my daughters is the opportunity not only for adventure but for learning and observing.

Just after crossing the bridge we found some foots paths leading off into various parts of the park that off the paved path. We chose these paths knowing that these paths would take us to parts of the park that bicycles were not allowed, joggers did not jog, and voices were kept in a hushed tone. This is when we really felt close to nature. The trees were just budding, many flowers had opened and the animals were all so alive. There were so many delicious smells in the air. Several times we would stop, close our eyes, and take deep cleansing breaths of fresh air. As our eyes were shut we could hear the cold, newly melted snow of the mountains, rushing over the stones of the Boise River. A few fishermen were silently sitting along its banks and as a pair of mallards flew over head everyone watched to see where they might land.

At one point in our adventure we came to a little inlet completely surrounded by the gradually thickening brush, and silently wading in the inlet was a single mallard, perhaps searching for a place for his mate to lay eggs; you never know. With our stealth like steps and "no talking" moment we were able to observe him for quite a few minutes before he noticed us and took off quit quickly to flight and moving several yards further down river.

Looking in fallen logs for critters waking from a winter sleep, investigating interesting growth on a tree trunk, a "spooky" web filled hole in a dead tree, mounds of dirt thrown out of holes by some unknown creatures, a very large unidentifiable bird of prey that flew just barely over head that we wished would just stop mid air for one brief moment for us to take a closer look but refused to slow down even for us, and enjoying the warm sun and cool spring breeze were all favorites on our walk.

At one Lydia came whimpering to me and said a wild animal bit her. I took a closer look and found it to be a scratch from one of the thorn bushes she had a run in with. I explained and showed to Lydia the "wild animal" that caused her such pain. She said, "oh, I thought it was a wild animal". Apparently the scratch hurt pretty bad. She was really quite enthralled by it and paid little attention to anything else after receiving it. On the car ride back home she poured water on it and said that the water healed her finger and made it all better. She said upon the miraculous healing of her scratch, "I knew Heavenly Father was real! See He healed my finger." I smiled at my daughter's great faith and said, "you should thank Him for thinking of you and blessing you". She did right then and there.

I love nature!

Sabbath Day Lessons

2008-04-06T13:24:00.003-06:00

As I mentioned this weekend is General Conference for my church. In between the 2 separate 2 hour sessions the local PBS plays news reports involving members of my church. I am so honored to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Members all over the world are doing such incredible things. Just a few of the stories mentioned involved a group who travel from impoverished country to impoverished country. They visit the hospitals and offer their program, a service provided by my church. The program is a training school of sorts to train individuals in the birthing of babies. Previous to the training the infant deaths in the countries were very high. Now, with individuals properly trained mothers and their new born infants return home, alive and well.

Another situation involves a wheel chair program. Wheel chairs are provided to individuals in impoverished countries who have spent their life time crawling or scooting on the ground or being carried by a family member. These disabled individuals were never able to attend school or get jobs. The Church goes in and provides wheel chairs and opens doors of opportunity to these individuals who have never known any different. The smiles and tears of joy on the people's faces brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. To be associated with such an organization, such a church is an honor and I all I hope for is to be worthy to call myself a saint and to be counted among such individuals as those mentioned.

My thought following the warmth of the spirit testifying to me the power of Christ's church was this..."How could this work not be the work of God?"

Another experience this morning involved me reading with my girls from my church's children's magazine called the Friend. Inside was an article about a man from Nigeria. He was recalling his youth and a lesson he learned from his father. He recalled a tradition when a gift is given to a family it is the Father's role to say when the gift will be enjoyed. A particular gift of food had been given his family and the young boy could not wait for his father's return home so they could enjoy the food as a family. The young boy begged and pleaded until the mother gave in to the boys pleas. The sweet mother did not want to offend the father by not respecting his role, but also did not want the boy to go on in hunger. When the father returned home and learned of the incident. He took the boy aside and taught him a valuable lesson that not only stayed with him all his life but he has also passed onto me and I too have learned a valuable lesson. "My father was disappointed that I had not shown contentment for what I already had. He taught me that peace of mind and a good life are only for those who are content with what they have." This wise father's counsel swelled within my heart. I had a wonderful discussion with my own children about what this meant. We each promised to be more happy with what we have and not show discontentment with life and what we have been given.

I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for individuals within Christ's true church who have taught me by their examples of hard work and service. I am thankful to be a member of this true church, Christ's only true church upon the earth. I know it is true. There is a prophet on the earth today, who leads and guides us. We have not been left alone on this earth to walk blindly. We have scripture, continuing revelation, that lights the way to eternity.

Man Pregnant

2008-04-05T21:05:00.002-06:00

Can you believe this head line? I can't either. A co-worker told me about it in passing. I didn't believe it at first, so I had to Google it for myself. I will fore warn you, I may get offensive to some people out there with the thoughts I have in regards to this Pregnant Man.

First, this man was born a woman. She is now a he. Every single ounce of Suzanna screams, this is wrong. I am all for people have individuality, but I believe that ethically can only go so far. I am not a supporter of gay rights. I am a firm believer that God created Man and Woman and we have very unique and individual roles. One cannot be the other.

Second, when this person made the decision to become a man I believe he gave up all rights of womanhood. I heard a woman on a news report in regards to this man saying something about him not being selfish. Err! Wrong answer. I don't think a human being could be more selfish. He/She said something to the effect of "I wanted to keep my female organs so I could one day experience child birth." Then stay a woman! What about the child that this person is bringing into the world. Has He/She not thought of her (the baby is a girl)? The woman who was shouting all over the news being for the pregnant man gave me a head ache. I thought her to be a horrible example of a woman. I am young and obviously too behind the times to think that yelling at another man is womanly, you should see the clip. I am all for woman's rights, but once again, God created female and male and we are two totally different creations. There is no comparing the two.

My religious views play a huge role in my opinion here. It isn't just how I was raised. As an adult I have my own thoughts, views, and ideas on life. I believe that some things are good...and some things are just completely wrong. And this is one of those things that is completely and utterly wrong. It is not God's way. And that makes me sad. I don't think he intended for his children to come to a world that has become a world where his creations, men and women, no longer what to be what He created them. This world has become complete and utter chaos.

That is all I will say about this.

Waste

2008-04-05T20:47:00.004-06:00

My daughters and I were watching a show called Beeker's World this morning on PBS. First, I'd like to say how much I appreciate public television. The shows offered are so educational and clean (no pun intended in regards to my current topic!). I wish I could donate to programs such as these. That is something else I'd do with a million! Support wonderful organizations. There are so many out there. Do you ever feel there is too much of the things you would love to do and not enough MONEY to do it with? I feel that every day. And it isn't just STUFF that I'd spend the money on. It would all go to good causes! AUGH! "If I were a rich man!" (I am feeling the need to watch Fiddler on the Roof.)

So, on the show Beeker's World they were teaching children (and obviously one adult) where sewage goes. It was quite discusting but also fascinating. The point I want to mention though is that he said that the water that goes down the street drain and gutters is never treated, "it goes right into the local oceans, rivers, and lakes". I was discusted! My seven year old daughter said, "that's discusting! I am never swimming in the ocean again!"

That really got us talking about all the trash and litter that we see on a regular basis. I know that there are some many things harming our environment and there is really only so much one person can do. But if we all did just little bit better at how much waste we have we would be making a huge difference.

Just after the last major snow melted away our apartment's parking lot and gutters were filled with all sorts of debri. I went out and with frozen fingers dug out of the gutters 2 garbage bags full of trash! Some of it I couldn't even get up because it was embedded and frozen into the drain cover. I was so upset at the residents in the area for their lack of concern for our little community within the apartments. Just imagine what it is like in bigger communities. When I learned where that nasty polluted gutter water goes I was shocked!

I hope I have inspired at least one more person to not litter and if they do see litter to pick it up.

Tradition vs. Habit

2008-04-05T20:00:00.006-06:00

Today, as others of my faith know, was a special day to listen to the leaders of my church speak to us as a whole and enlighten and encourage us. One sister in particular sparked some thoughts. Her name is Cheryl C Lant and she is the General President over the children's organization called the Primary. She spoke on traditions. When I think of traditions I usually think of holiday traditions. All the other "stuff" I do I just think of as being habit or routine. But after listening to her talk I realized that all the "stuff" I do on a regular basis is tradition. And upon realizing this it brought a whole new meaning to me about what I do as a homemaker. This realization has made the day to day "stuff" that I do as a mother have such a deeper meaning, it has encouraged me and lifted me. I feel like those things I do have meaning beyond just taking care of my kids. I cannot fully explain what a magnificent feeling came over me. I have always felt what I do as a mother, and what all women in the world do as mothers, is the most important of all "callings" in life. But to realize that something I thought basic, such as having a "tradition" of respect for one's self and others is not so basic but deep and profound, WOW! This is how I was raised. I thought it common. I never thought such things that come naturally to me to be thought of as tradition, I really thought of it as being "stuff". Now, let me explain this "stuff" that I continue to refer to. To me, when I say "stuff", I am referring to the fact that I am a strict, firm, and organized parent. The things I do others might think of as "uptight", "controlled", "mean", and "too routine".

Here are some examples...I don't tolerate disrespect for authority, such as teachers, or adults or disrepect to others property, God's creations, or one's self. Also, my children have had the same bed time and bed time routine since they were babies, now don't get me wrong, there are times when bed time fluctuates, but for the most part this "tradition" has not changed. And now that they are getting older that bed time will gradually move back. But, I can be a selfish parent and bed time is Mom and Dad time, so that means that even though they are getting older I will still send them to their rooms at the same time for their own personal quiet time. Which brings up another point, I have also always been a firm believer in "quiet time". Kids need that down time, whether or not they nap, they need some down time. Play is hard work. Not to mention the parent also needs that quiet time. We also attend church every Sunday and pray and read scripture. I never thought of that as a tradition. I just thought it habit. But tradition sounds so much more heart felt and sincere than "habit". It is habit to brush your teeth, a tradition to eat healthy foods. Doesn't that sound more beautiful and inviting? I'm not going to DIET! I am going to start a tradition of healthy eating and exercise.

Who in their right mind says no to TRADITION! So, I think from now I shall have this mentality...Everything in my life that means something to me is now tradition, out with the old habits and in with the traditions!

Another Shoe Update??

2008-04-02T13:12:00.004-06:00

If you have been a faithful reader of my blog you may recall my entries called Shoes and also Shoe Update. If you have not read those entries you may want to so you know what I am talking about.

Remember my pair of ugly black shoes that hurt my feet and I dreaded putting them on and hid them in the depths of my closet on weekends? Well that pair of shoes will be donated to a thrift store next week so that some other woman may get more use out of them than I did. The woman who buys them for 3 dollars at the thrift store may find those shoes the greatest blessing she has received in a long time. She may think they are fashionable or cute. She may think they are mighty comfortable and never wants to get out of them again. She just might want them more than I ever did. Not that I am ungrateful for those shoes, for what they meant to me and my family, but I am over joyed and most grateful of all to say that I will no longer be wearing them.

You maybe asking, "what does this mean?". I will tell you. I am no longer required to work full time away from my home. I am no longer required to put on that hideous, green ,polyester, high waisted, front pleated suit; did I mention scratchy and staticy? Through much prayer, fasting, and discussion, Kevin and I have finally concluded that my presence in the home is far more important than the tiny amount of money that I generated each month. Life will not be easier with me be home, I will still have struggles. But I will be home. I will be where I am most happy. I must say I have been home all this week so far (my final, very last day, is Saturday the 5th) and it has been beautiful. Would you like to see what my days look like now and will continue in such a fashion for hopefully EVER! In order for you to see how truly grateful I am for my new schedule I should first share with you my old schedule.

I would wake anywhere from 730 to even as late as 830, feeling tired, soar, achy, crabby, rushed, and lazy. Emily would come and read to me in bed, which I inevitably slept through and got upset at her later for having not read to me (oops, my bad). I would rush the girls through cold cereal and rush them out the door to make it to school, by bike, by 9. And in saying good bye to Emily I would say, "see you tomorrow morning". Then Lydia and I would rush back home so I could go back to bed some mornings and others we would do a little school work for her. Then play friends came on various mornings and I did chores or scrap booked away the time until I rushed around getting ready for work at 2 so I could leave at 230 and be to work from 3-11 or later. I would drive home exhausted and rush through a shower, snuggle each of the girls whispering to them how much I loved and missed them, and then I would go pass out by 12 or later sometimes. I have not only seen Emily for only an hour but also Kevin for an hour and even less some days.

NOW...
I wake around 645 feeling rested, revived, and rejuvenated. I spend about 45 mins reading from Jesus the Christ (a fantastic book) or scriptures. The girls are up by about 730 and I assist them getting ready for the day. At 8 I make some sort of breakfast, today was yummy oatmeal with spices, raisins, walnuts, and wheat germ; and I sit with them talking while we eat. We leave the house happy, no one is crying! After we say good bye to Emily at school Lydia and I go on a lovely leisurely bike ride. We get back home in time for play dates or some school time and even some snuggle time. I do some chores, like today I am organizing my office, which was far past due! And play a game with Lydia or read a story. I do some scrap booking here and there. I get to pick up Emily from school, which we take our time and have a visit on the way home. We sit at the table and all do some school work together. I make some dinner, which is from scratch-no more box meals!, while the girls do their NEW chores. Then we all sit down as a family and have a lovely visit while we eat my lovely meal. Then the girls get ready for bed and I read to them from Narnia or some other too advanced book. Then I tuck the girls in, say good night, and most importantly, "I'll see you in the morning". I spend a little of time with Kevin, go to bed with him around 9 but stay up and read in bed until 10, when I pass out after a beautiful day.

I know it is quite wordy but I was much too excited to leave out any of these fabulous details! I love being a homemaker! It is where I feel most like me. It is where I feel the most rewarded. It is where I belong.

If I had a million

2008-03-20T21:31:00.004-06:00

I am sure I am not alone in pondering the thought of a million dollars and what I'd do with it. It is still a lot of money and you really could do awesome things with it. Well, let me rephrase that, if you manage it well you can do a lot with it.

The first thing I'd do is buy my dream home. My dream home is modest, yet has room for growth and company. It absolutely has to have an amazing yard with plenty of foliage and room for a garden and a game of catch or Frisbee. My home would also absolutely have to have a kitchen with plenty of room to move around with additional cooks and even company to sit near by and visit. This home also has to have built in book cases. If not that will be a wonderful adventure for me to learn to put in. Which brings up another point, my house must be an older home with mature landscaping and also opportunities to explore new possible talents that may lay deep within me. I am totally fascinated with interior design and carpentry. So, a home that will allow me the chance to see if I do have any skills in that area would be most desirable. My family is greatly into entertainment so I also need to have a large rec room to allow for an awesome huge TV, for movie night of course!, and plenty of room for kids, young and old, and games and other funness. I don't require the fanciest of things or newest of things. I ultimately want space and adventure. I have been researching homes and I have found home qualities that I like and dislike but for the most part the size of home I am looking for generally runs in this area at the price of 250 to 350. Mostly because of their location and the size of yard. Like I said I want an older home and they are generally closer to the price of 250, that is if the slump doesn't end and all the prices are jacked way up again!

The next thing I'd do is build my parents a home on their lot of land. First I'd rip down the trailer! I'd build them a home that met their needs. Single level and no stairs in front or back. I'd build them a home that had a large kitchen and even larger dining room. The home would have their master bed room, my Mom would have a craft/hobby room, and my Dad would have his "cave". There would also be at least 2 more rooms simply for visiting children and grand children. Which brings up another point, there would have to be a large family room with a large sectional sofa for when we all get together. My parents have 7 children and 20 grandchildren. The sad part about us getting together is that we all live so far apart that when we do gather there isn't adequate accommodations for us all. So, the home I'd build them would be large enough for us to visit, but not overwhelming for my parents to keep up. I figure that for where they live I could pull this all off for 200.

This leaves me with about $500,000 more. I would divide the money 4 ways, an account for me and my husband (we want to retire at a young age so that we can spend our senior years not only being awesome grandparents but also by serving multiple missions for our church, this has been a goal of ours since our wedding), 2 accounts one for each daughter, this would be for college, mission, or whatever they desire to achieve in life. The last portion would be donated to a few different charities that I have already predetermined, a children's home, abused women and children shelter, and my church's humanitarian relief program.

So, if I were to ever win, inherit, be the recipient of some kind to a million dollars, this is exactly what I would do with every penny!

What would you spend a million on?

Road Trip

2008-03-13T19:55:00.003-06:00

Who has NOT been on a rode trip? Can you believe the magnitude of planning that goes into a road trip? Packing the suit case(s) and making sure you have clothing for any occassion or weather is a chore all on its own, but let's not forget the road maps (thank heaven for GPS!), adequate funds for emergencies and gas, making sure the vehicle is in proper running order and has all fluids topped off and tire pressure checked, snacks and other food and beverage stapels stored nicely in a cooler, and a quick prayer for safety and good weather. Wow! I am exhausted just from typing the list. Can you imagine how beautiful it would be to go on a road trip with the clothes on your back, someone else's credit card, and just the open road, no planning what so ever? I think that would be beautiful. No need to be anywhere at any particular time in no particular style. That would be fun and relaxing. Kind of makes me think of the movie Joe Verses the Volcanoe with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (well the part about using someone else's credit card anyway).

While I was thinking on what an awesome road trip that would be I also started to think about how overwhelming real road trips are and thought how wonderful it would be to just hop on your own private jet (paid for of course with someone else's credit card!) and just GO to where ever it is you want to go! No real time required or effort for that matter.

So, after my little fantasy I came back to the real world and began to have real thoughts. Life is absolutely like a road trip. I was thinking about what kind of personality I have. Do I have the type that wants to hop on the helicopter and just skip all the preparation in life and just get to the end result quick and easy? Do I have the personality of the overcompulsive planner who makes a list checking it twice before loading everything and everyone into the vehicle? I concluded that I am neither. I am much more the type that says, "I want to go on road trip. That will be so much fun. Wow, we can go here and here and oh, we just have to stop and see so and so and can we please make sure and save time for this?" And then this is what would come out of my mouth or enter my mind almost immediately following the first reaction of excitement and thrill. "How will we pay for it, what if 20 miles into the trip we blow a tire, and what are we going to do if I get car sick in 3 weeks on the return trip, and what about the people we meet along the way, what if they don't like me or think we are crazy tourists and have no clue how to drive and they just want to run us off the road, and what about....". Exhausting being me sometimes. Can you believe that stuff? That is what I do in life! Unbelievable I know. I realized this sad truth about myself the other day when I was worrying myself to hives over something that is literally 5000 miles down the road in the road trip called life.

I am grateful for the realization of this character flaw of mine. I can't believe it took me this long to get the hint that so many loved ones have been trying to tell me. I suppose it is because, one I am a stubborn person and insist on learning the hard way and two, I am a visual learner, so when I came up with the idea of comparing myself to a road trip I relly saw what I was doing to myself and my family.

So, rather than literally freaking out all the time I am from here on out going to stop worrying about all the stuff that is so far down the road that I have absolutely no control over. I am going to relax, enjoy the present company in "the car", be thrilled about detours and pit stops and look for the positive opportunities in each. Now, if you can imagine what the pit stops and detours would be in life you can imagine what a new challenge this will be for me. But ultimately I believe the key to a happy road trip is loving and being happy with your choices and travel companions.

It's Raining

2008-02-20T12:55:00.006-07:00

It's raining; it's pouring.
The old man is snoring.
He bumped his head as he went to bed,
And couldn't get up in the morning.

Ah, such wonderful nursery rhymes we tell our children! Another version of this rhyme mentions the old man covering his head. When it is raining I too like to just curl up, cover my head, and never get out of bed; no, not even in the morning!
Figuratively speaking, it's raining; it's pouring...in my life. And once again, all I want to do is go to bed, cover my head, and NOT get up in the morning. I want to just sleep away the rain.

I know that when storms come in our lives there truly is an end. And when the storm ends there is sunshine! And what magnificent sunshine there will be! There are rainbows, birds singing, puddles to jump in, and that wonderful fresh and clean scent! Ah, I love a good storm.

I do not care so much for those life storms as much as I do nature, but I do look forward to those end results of the storm. Life seems brighter, cleaner, fresher, more fun and enjoyable; just like jumping in puddles and looking at rainbows.

So, WAKE UP, GET OUT OF BED! Face this storm prepared; with an umbrella, rubber boots, and a bucket; just in case it floods.

A big thank you to FreeFoto.com for the beautiful photos.

V-DAY

2008-02-13T21:23:00.002-07:00

Ah, the dreaded Valentine's Day. I would have to say this is my absolute least favorite holiday of all. Yes, even being married I still dislike this day. I think so much of my dislike comes from deep, buried pain. I personally think that this holiday should only be meant for adults and kept outside work and kept from involving others around you. Have you seen the valentine's day episode of The Office? Need I say more about why it shouldn't be in the work place, school, or anywhere for that matter. At school it was a competition, at work, COMPETITION! So what about those of us who don't get valentines? And then there are all the dances or balls and if you don't get asked you're left with that humiliation for the rest of your school days. Did I hear you ask me if I have an issue with valentine's day? OF COURSE!

So, this year I decided to stop being the Grinch of Valentine's day, the Scrooge of all scrooges. I actually spent the .50 cents per candy gram and sent 3 to my daughter, one from each member of our little family. I began thinking about why I detest this holiday and decided I NEVER want my daughters to feel the same way. I want them to know they are loved, Valentine's Day and every day of the year. Does giving them little treats and cards and having tangle proof handed to them in their classroom prove my love? Of course not. But it does make one feel special to be remembered. I want to instill in them confidence and a lack of worry about the valentine day competition that they will inevitably face in their teenage years.

I enjoy the giving of love. It makes me feel good. If only I had understood that as a kid. I think the more one gives their love the more they receive love. I was a hog, a suck. I wanted all the love given to me without me having to give any thing first. Only when I learned this valuable lesson have I truly felt love. With my new outlook I should have a better attitude with valentine's day. And that is my goal. But at the same time I still cannot seem to get passed all the commercialization of holidays. I have that same overwhelming, dreary feeling come over me that I have to compete with someone or something. Will my daughter pass out the coolest, favorite cards? Will I give my husband the mushier or funnier card (this year I went with funny)? Augh, why must we torture ourselves over such trivial things?

Oh, in regards to those feelings of being the only child without a valentine I spoke to the school about allowing parents the opportunity to send a candy gram to a child who may not get one at all. I really wanted to save atleast one child's heart from breaking this year. The secretary explained to me that she had the same idea and she has already tallied who was getting grams and was figuring out who was not on the list and she and another lady in the office were personally sending one to each child. I asked her if I could contribute, she said it was already taken care of. I was so thrilled to hear that these sweet ladies were so thoughtful of each and every child. They were literally taking that "no child left behind" thing above and beyond. They did express gratitude for my sentiments and would take my idea into consideration for next year. I hope they do.

Oooo! I have an idea for my daughter! She has about 6 extra valentines. I am going to challenge her to give them to a child at lunch or on the play ground who is alone or who seems sad. I can't wait to hear from her tomorrow and how her day went!

Heart Broken

2008-02-09T20:35:00.001-07:00

I made a new friend. He is 16 months old. The sweetest guest in the hotel! He has been with us for 2 nights. I met him yesterday. It was love at first sight. Ever since I met him all he wants to do is come to me. He literally tries to climb over the counter, out of his mother's arms and come to me. He sees me from at the end of the hall and tries running to me with his arms in the air like a little chimp. When I saw him for the first time today I was leaving the office and they were walking by. He put his arms up for me to hold him, I picked him up and he gave me the sweetest hug. He didn't even budge, he just held me and didn't let go. I had to pull him away and hand him to his Mom. He still reached out for me even while she walked away. The mother, obviously very young, said to me, "he doesn't usually do that". My heart breaks every time he looks at me and reaches for me. This look in his eyes seems to say, "please save me". I think of him and I get a knot in my throat. I could seriously cry right now thinking of him.

This small boy, what does his future hold? He has a mother who is a single teenage parent. A great grandma who yells at him and tells him he is a bad boy when he dumped rice all over the hotel room (took me 15 minutes to vacuum it all up) while she was supposed to be babysitting so the Mom and Aunt could go "out". This sweet boy has a Grandma and Grandpa who are both locked up for substance abuse. How do I know all this? They talk too much. It is obvious to me that in the brief moments I have spent with this child he has felt more love and more safety and security with me than he does with his own family. That breaks my heart. It truly does. When I finished vacuuming I looked at the child, smiled and waved goodbye, he looked up at me with his big brown eyes and reached for me one last time as his grandmother pulled him away.

Winter Wonderland

2008-02-06T22:26:00.001-07:00

This morning we woke to fresh snow and a whole lot of fog. There was kind of an erie, strange feeling in the air. Walking back from taking Emily to school Lydia and I engaged in a snow ball fight that really ended up being more of a tossing snow in the general direction of each other due to the snow being very dry and fluffy. I began walking ahead of her and enjoyed the odd silence in the air. Just as I was beginning to think we were in some kind of bubble blocking out all outside noise over my head I heard a distant honk. And then another honk, only closer than the previous. The honking became closer and louder. I searched the skies hoping to see the flock causing the honking, but to my disappointment the fog was too thick. But as I listened and looked closer I realized there was no flock. A single Canadian Goose flew over head in the fog, lost and alone. I heard his call in hopes of finding his flock. I never saw him. I was sad for this lost goose. I imagined that if by chance geese have feelings, this goose was scared and lonely. I thought of myself. When I am lost in "fog" and I call out for my "flock" to direct me to a safe location, will someone answer me? Will I be heard?

One more thought before signing out for the night...

It was a crisp and chilly morning. A brand new layer of snow covered the already frozen ground. The sky was clear, the breeze minimal. I was alone that morning, enjoying a nice, quiet walk back from the elementary school where I had completed another successful morning of volunteer work. There is a small wooden bridge that crosses a frozen snow filled creek. Just as my foot touched the snow covered wood I heard the sound of an echoing and familiar crunch of snow and ice. I stop, close my eyes, take a slow, deep breath in through my frozen nose. The air was so fresh and clean. A gentle breeze gave me a chilling kiss on my numb face. I was immediately taken back to my youth on days such as this. I found myself lying in deep snow that I hoped I could get lost in. As a child I would stay out in the snow until I couldn't even feel the cold anymore from sheer numbness. I'd bury myself in the snow just as one might bury themselves in sand on a warm beach. I would lay there looking up into the wintery sky and go to another world. My world. I opened my eyes and found myself back on the small wooden bridge that crosses a frozen snow filled creek leading back to my small home. I took one last deep cleansing breath and one last look at my winter wonderland and continued putting one foot in front of the other, all the way back home.

This photo was taken this morning. All the large amounts of snow we had when I wrote these two experiences has now begun to melt very rapidly. Previously there was snow covering even the trees. It looked like a snow globe outside.

A Prophet

2008-01-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

I am in deep contemplation, even to the point of wondering whether or not to even attempt to write about the subject occupying my thoughts. I received word this evening of the passing of this great man, a prophet of God. He was the leader of my church for as many years as I can remember. He is the only prophet I ever really knew, and now that he has returned to the presence of our Father, I am heart broken, for not having known him better. For not having listened more and paid closer attention to his teachings. I have his biography, I have read an eighth of it, it has sat on my self for 5 years. I am saddened at the lack of effort I put forth in understanding what he wanted me to have a testimony of. I never had the privilege of meeting this great man, but I loved him none the less.

He visited Palmyra New York during my mission. He spoke to all of the missionaries at a special conference. The night before the conference, for the first time in my life, I prayed and asked if President Hinckley was a true prophet of God. I had never prayed to know that before, I just figured it was true. All morning before the conference I thought on my prayer and did my best to remain open to receiving an answer. When it came time to hear President Hinckley speak I again said a silent prayer to know for myself with out doubt if he was truly called of God. And about half way through his talk I knew. I cannot explain for lack of vocabulary and the nature of the experience to be kept special to me. I know with out doubt that he was a prophet of God. And a great prophet at that. I respect, honor, and adore President Hinckley. He lived 97 years, honorably and faithfully. He was married over 70 years to his sweet wife who passed away a few years back. That is something I hope to one day be able to say, "I have been married to my sweet heart for 70 years".

I will miss his humor, I will miss his testimony and the spirit he brought to meetings. I will miss him. I know he has returned to live all eternity beside his wife. I know that he has returned to live with our Savior Jesus Christ and Father in Heaven. I know that death is all part of that great plan, but it still does not make it any easier when a loved one passes away. I remember when I learned of President Hinckley's wife's passing. My heart was aching for him. Every year he lived with out her, my heart ached for him and his loneliness. And now, he has been reunited with her. That makes me happy. But sad, for selfish reasons. I had grown attached to him, I thought he would live forever. I thought I would be blessed with his words for a lot longer. And now, I will finish that book, his biography. Now I will reread his talks and life lessons. Now, I will look forward to learning from the next prophet. I know that whom ever is called to fulfill the calling of Prophet will in fact be called of God. He will be the Father's chosen leader here on this earth. I will honor and sustain him just as I have President Hinckley.

Good Bye President Hinckley, until we meet again.

Christmas

2008-01-22T11:48:00.001-07:00

I am finally getting around to writing about Christmas. I got to spend Christmas eve at home enjoying the evening with my family. We enjoyed our usual traditions. This year we had Christmas dinner for Christmas eve. We read the Christmas story from Luke 2 using cute puppets I made a few years back, reread last years promises/gifts for 2007 and wrote new ones for 2008 (these are spiritual promises/gifts to Jesus), the girls opened their Christmas PJ's, and then Kevin and I spent the night wrapping presents.

Of course on Christmas morning the girls were up super early examining the tree and the contents underneath. They were so cute. Kevin and I could hear them whispering and giggling. Within minutes they were pouncing us telling us Santa had come and we needed to get up and go see. Before we open presents we discuss the true meaning of Christmas again to reiterate the importance of this holiday.

For years I had an issue with "Santa" and wasn't sure how I felt about celebrating that portion of this holiday. I have decided this year that I am OK with it. Santa is one of those magical childhood traditions that I didn't want to take away from my girls. I will be OK with it as long as they always know why we really celebrate Christmas. We have taught them well and they understand that Jesus gave us the greatest gifts of all, forgiveness and eternal life, and that we in return serve and give to others we love and those in need. This year we each chose a person off of a giving tree to get a gift for. The girls really enjoyed that. We all wanted to do more, but with our circumstances we did what we could.

We spent the morning eating goodies and enjoying each other's company before I had to go to work. The next morning I was leaving super early to get on the plane to go see my family. We were very blessed this Christmas. It was a very enjoyable day. Oh, we also decided to do something different this year. We chose names and whoever name we chose we had to make that person a special homemade gift. We all really enjoyed that. We each had to think a little harder about what the other person might enjoy and also put a lot more love into it. Kevin drew my name, he made me Christmas eve dinner; I didn't have to do a single thing, it was beautiful!

I drew Emily's name, I made her a picture frame to put on her dresser.
Emily drew Lydia's name, she made her a little doll bed out of an old pillow's stuffing, a box, and an old sheet that we cut up and sewed a pillow, the "mattress" and a little blanket. It was really cute. Emily was excited about learning to sew. Lydia drew Kevin's name, she said, "Dad loves chocolate, let's make him some chocolate", so we made his some awesome chocolate coconut truffles! YUMMY! We all enjoyed that part of Christmas and decided it will be a new family tradition.

My Trip

2008-01-22T10:59:00.001-07:00

As I had previously mentioned I had the privilege of returning to my hometown of Webb City Missouri for a family reunion with my siblings and parents. It had been 4 years since all the kids were in the same place at the same time. All the grand kids were present with the exception of my children who remained with Kevin at home. I would have loved for my family to be in attendance with me, due to a financial crunch they remained behind. My kids would have loved to meet their cousins and aunts and uncles. It would have been a lot of fun. Though I missed my husband and children being there I also very much enjoyed being there single. I was Aunt Sue again and could relax and play and visit rather than fuss over my family. I also had a lot of time to myself at various airports due to horribly long lay overs. I read A Tale of Two Cities (a revised version that I sell on my website) and started A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle (which I have since finished). So, you can imagine how long the lay overs actually were.

The trip had its good, bad, and ugly moments. Good moments obviously consisted of spending time with my family. I love them all, quirks and all. They wouldn't be family with out the quirks. It had been so long since I had seen them all. I had forgotten how much kids really do grow up in the absence of their Aunt Sue. I was so over joyed to see them all. I was needless to say a bit surprised at how much they had all grown. I didn't even recognize 95 percent of them, so upon my being re-introduced to them all I'd reply with a "Holy Cow!" or "Who is that!?" or something along those lines, and followed it with a squeeze. I did have a sibling who found it necessary for the first words out of their mouth upon seeing me for the first time in 4 years to be mocking words at my surprise toward each niece or nephew. But, that is my sibling, that is this person's way of saying "Gee Sis, it has been so long, I have missed you, how are you?" OK, that is what I am telling myself anyway, it takes the edge off! I was in such heaven at seeing my family again!

The bad and ugly were just typical "life" moments. Moments that should not be swept under a rug just because company is over. Life goes on even at family gatherings. There were moments of deep reflection for me. On my past life, present life, and even on my future. I was reminded that if it were not for my parents living in that cruddy little town I would never return. Seriously, who in their right mind looks forward to returning down a memory lane that has no good to offer. I have grown passed all that "wallowing" and I have moved on. I don't want that garbage in my memory any more. I thought I had thrown out the garbage but returning to that town only reminded me of the stench that was apparently lingering. I really just wanted to move my parents away from there so that I could see them more regularly without having to experience that "smell" again.

Anyway, I was there for 4 days and I enjoyed it. Like with all vacations I wish I could have had another one upon my return back home, just to recover from the late nights, no sleep, early mornings, constant activity, and long flights/layovers. I had to work the day I got back and it was a rough week following my trip, so recovery took longer than I would have liked. I had frequent dizzy spells and was quite dehydrated. But, don't worry, I am better now! I am sure you were really worried about me!

Now, upon finishing this whine fest I would like to conclude with this...families can be together forever. That is a gift that is available to all who seek it. I seek after that gift. I love my family...Mom, Dad, Misti, Michael, David, Cassandra, Cathryn, and Nanette and all their children and spouses. I love my sweet husband and daughters. I love my husbands family as though I have spent my whole life with them. I want to be with each and every one of these people for all eternity...quirks and all.

Resolving

2008-01-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Here it is half way into January and I am finally deciding to think about the coming year. This past Sunday I heard a talk that inspired me. I always think in my mind things I want to do, accomplish, or overcome. But very rarely do I actually write them down. And what does that mean? It doesn't happen! So, this year I resolve to write things down, things I want to do, accomplish, or overcome. I will start here. Yes, right here on my public blog. Then maybe, just maybe, one of my faithful readers will feel so inspired to send me a note and ask how I'm doing at my list of things to resolve.

1.Read Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage. I have wanted to read this book for years. I have tried just as many times to read it. But I never was as determined to know Christ in a more personal way than I am now. I'm on chapter 2. I know, how pathetic. But seriously, this book is so deep and Talmage's vocabulary is beyond my knowledge; I have to use a dictionary and reread each paragraph at least twice.

2.Read more good books. Enlightening, entertaining, encouraging, enslaving (if you have read Harry Potter then you know what I mean by that). I have found my favorite books to read are young novels for ages 9-12. That might sound odd for such an oldie as myself (hahaha) but I truly enjoy a good story that doesn't have a lot of garbage added, and this is the perfect age to get that. I also enjoy the classics for the same age group. Thus far my favorite is Roald Dahl, but am looking forward to gaining new loves.

3.Laugh, live, and love more.

4.Worry less, stress less, freak out less.

Well, I think that will keep me rather busy this year. Hope that my resolutions are inspiring in the manner that mine motivate you to make and keep your own.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year...keep resolving!

Perfection

2008-01-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

The game of perfection, a classic. I grew up playing the game, I too wanted my daughters to have the experience of playing the game of perfection. The anticipation of the POP is worth the trouble of racing the clock to get all the shapes in the correct spot.

Last night while trying to fall asleep I was, sadly, thinking about the game and came up with something I found rather fascinating and want to share that with you.

So, visualize with me...I want you to sit on the floor with your Perfection game. Good, now flip the switch to stop, turn the timer, push down the table top, gather all your pieces together, take a deep breath, and now, flip the switch. The sound of the timer is tick, tick, ticking, and your heart is beat, beat, beating. You are racing to try and fit the square in the crazy thing that should be a square, the star in the other star that has less starry points, and then there is always that one piece that just doesn't seem to have a home. You have 5 seconds and that board is going to POP any second and you will inevitably jump at the sound of all the pieces being thrown up in force from the board's spring being released. You have 2 pieces left and no matter which way you turn the piece it just doesn't seem to fit in either of the spaces left. And before you figure out the problem, POP, game over.

Am I the only one who has ever thought how much this game parallels life? Yesterday I played the game with my girls, and maybe that was what provoked my thinking. But while playing I noticed that neither of my daughters were able to complete the puzzle on their own in the allotted time. Even I just barely got the last piece in place just before the darn board popped. But when we all worked together we accomplished the goal, whether I was physically placing pieces or just pointing out their home. Sometimes in life we have a partner or a team (family) to help us to accomplish our goal of getting life's puzzle pieces into their proper places. And sometimes we are on our own, no one to back us up, no one to show us where to put the pieces. Sometimes we are playing the game with a few pieces at a time and other times it seems we have 2 games worth of pieces to put into one puzzle. The feelings of anxiety and fear of that inevitable POP, are far more extreme in the real life game of perfection than in the toy. I heard one of my daughters suggesting that they turn the switch off so they could put all the pieces in without it popping them all back out before they finished. Wouldn't it be great to have an on/off switch in real life. Yeah! Your boss gives you a major project to be done in the next 24 hours, FLIP! the switch is turned off and you get the job done before the POP! Your kids are all running around you going crazy, the kitchen seems to have exploded, laundry needs washing, FLIP the switch and everyone and everything stops except you and now you can get things in order before the POP! To have a on/off switch for whatever phase of life you are going through would be the coolest thing ever. If I had one wish I'd wish for an on/off switch.

But, apparently flipping the switch on the board game is not following rules, and very sadly and true, life does not have a switch to be flipped. But in real life, even during those times when you feel so utterly alone, you are never really alone. There is ALWAYS someone there beside you whispering "this piece goes here". That someone could be a quote from an inspiring book, a scripture, a family member, a trusted friend, a spiritual leader, and most definitely and always, our Father in Heaven.

I have found that in my life more often than not, I have 2 sets of pieces to fit into one game board. I realize I am the one who mixed the pieces all together and never sorted them out, but still I have 2 sets and I just can't seem to get any of the pieces where they need to go. Could it be because I am too much of a perfectionist and feel a need for every thing in my life to be such and if not then POP! all the pieces I had in their right places are thrown out and I have to start all over again? Oh how I have wished for that switch, that I might stop time and "cheat", if you will, by getting all my pieces on the board with no worries of the POP. That would of course be the easy way. What would I be learning if I played the game and never set the timer? What would I learn in life if I had no timer to put all my pieces in their proper place?

So, back to my original statement at the beginning, it too applies in life. The anticipation of the POP is worth all the trouble of racing the clock to get all the shapes in the correct spot.

One Word

2008-01-01T20:54:00.001-07:00

AUGH! That is all I have to say about the holidays at this time. Ask me again in a week, by then I'll have myself back together again, hopefully. So, until next week...AUGH!

Feels Like 9

2007-12-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

Every morning rain, snow or shine my girls and I ride bikes to take Emily a mile round trip to school at 8:30 in the morning. Kevin repeats the ritual at 3:20 to pick Emily back up from school. We do this to get by on one vehicle while we patiently endure these difficult financial times, all awaiting Kevin's successful completion in getting his BA in Physics.

When I woke this morning I figured today would be no different. We have ridden to school in the snow, on the ice, in the rain, the snow, wind, and heat. But I also did not check the temperature before heading out. I prepared the bikes, Emily came outside to wait for me while I helped Lydia get her coat on. When Lydia and I came outside all bundled and ready to leave I found Emily standing on the steps not even budging. We hadn't even left the safety of the stairwell of our apartments and Emily was already crying, frozen like a Popsicle, exactly where I left her when I went to help Lydia. I encouraged the girls gently and lovingly to just get on their bikes and peddle, that they would feel better once they were moving.

With every rotation of the bike peddles a big tear drop would streak their red, frozen cheeks. They were trying so hard to be brave and strong and help me by just getting to school. They could not take the cold, they are so young and little. I had not realized the effect the cold would have on them. We continued all the way to the school. And the entire way they cried and cried and cried some more. And I continued to coax, encourage, and severely apologize.

I remembered back to when I was a kid and walked 2 miles to my school in snow, rain, and freezing winds. Missouri is much more humid and the wind there in the winter cuts like knives straight through any protective gear you might be wearing. This morning felt just like it did when I was a kid. I did my best to keep my spirits up and not give into the bitterness of the morning weather. I avoided looking too closely at my children and their chapping lips and cheeks, I avoided paying to close of attention at how slowly they peddled their bikes due to frozen legs and toes, I avoided hearing their cries and pleadings to go back home, not because I have a cold heart or because I am insensitive, but because I could not stand the pain I was putting my sweet girls through. They should not have to do this. All the while I was peddling to school I was wracking my brain trying to think up some way to avoid this same ordeal on future wintry mornings and still get by on one vehicle.

On the way back home from dropping Emily off at school we passed by a young girl bundled up from head to toe, all you could see were her eyes. I said to Lydia, "now isn't riding a bike faster than walking? We could be walking and we would be even more cold." She replied with the most ingenious answer, "No! Riding in a car would be faster!"

The moment we got home I stripped Lydia's winter wear off and stuck her in my bed, which to her is the coziest of all the beds, bundled her up like a burrito in my blankets and went outside to finish putting away the bikes. Not even a minute had gone by when I heard blood curdling screams coming from inside. I ran in and found her at my bathroom sink just bawling her little eyes out, her hands bright red and frozen. All she wanted to do was run them under the water to defrost them but she couldn't turn the water on. I assisted in melting her hands and comforted her all the while. Once her hands were feeling better I wrapped her back up in my bed and went back out to finish putting bikes away. My heart felt like her hands. I wanted my heart to stop hurting for my daughters, I wanted their pain to go away, but I had absolutely no idea how to fix this, aside from some warm blankets and snuggles. How will we face those future winter mornings on bike or foot? I would do fine, but they would not. Lydia kept wishing it were hot. Hot weather is all my girls know. This bitter cold is so new to them.

Once the bikes were put away in the storage closet I went in to Lydia, we snuggled up in my bed and read a condensed version of Oliver Twist. What an appropriate book to read, and yet at the same time was incredibly humbling. We have a house, we have electricity, we have a heater that works, we have food, warm clothes to cover our bodies, we have bikes that work and do get us where we need to go much faster, we have each other, we have finances to meet our needs.

For an hour Lydia and I remained snuggled up in my bed defrosting our back sides, toes, and hands. I think that the time with each other defrosted us much faster than any warm blanket ever could.

To top off my worries of more days like these I got an update phone call from my father who lives in Missouri. Sunday, early morning, all of my home town lost power do to a huge ice storm that all of the area was inflicted with. I immediately arranged for my parents to stay at a Marriott hotel with my discount. Today I learned that the hotel had lost all power on Monday and my parents were once again staying in an uncomfortable situation. Power is still out at their home and there is a tree branch in their dining room ceiling. The house temperature is 38 degrees and they cannot stay at the hotel because it was all sold out beyond the two days I was able to get them. One of my sisters who lives close by too lost power and stayed at her in laws house until their house caught on fire due to a closed flew in the fire place. I have another sister that lives a little further out. She has power, a fire place, and plenty of room. Sounds like there will be a bit of a gathering at her house until things clear up. We are all supposed to get together in just 2 weeks for a family get together. Apparently another storm is due this evening. My heart goes out to all of them and their suffering. I wish there was somethind I could do.

These past few weeks I have been really miserable and wallowing in that misery because I am a spoiled selfish brat. These past few days have opened my eyes to how truly blessed myself and my family really are. Now all these trials of mine don't seem so huge, they seem trivial. I want to do something to ease the suffering of all the many people who have so much less than I. So, although the temperature outside was actually 19 degrees, with the wind chill making it feel like 9, I know I can make it through my first winter here in Boise, with more sensitivity to others and the fact that life could always be much worse.

A list with no resolve

2007-12-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

I recently made a pros and cons list involving the choice that I have made...the choice to work outside my home. It was a difficult decision that together my husband and I made. The initial decision was very difficult, but with love and hope and faith I leaped and I continue to every single day. But the difficult part I want to discuss is the list. I must openly and full-heartily admit that the working life is not for me. I love to be home. So, back to my list, it obviously consisted of 2 columns, the pros and cons, of what?...returning home. The list of pros to come back home full time was enormous. The spiritual and emotional and intellectual list of returning home so strongly outweighed my cons list of 2 items! But when I logically looked at both lists (if you could call 2 items a list!) those 2 items were very heavy. They weighed heavily on my mind, my heart, even my body. But then I looked back at my long list of "whys" to return home full time and saw that those items out weighed the other list by 10 fold, spiritually and emotionally and intellectually. Why could my list of 2 cons weigh so heavily on me? These 2 items are so temporal and superficial and my heart says they do not matter in the eternal perspective of things. But HOW I ask can I assist my family in obtaining our ultimate goals without those 2 items? How do I look past all the many pros of remaining home, the things that make my heart swell, and accept the fact that the only way to survive this current trial I am in is by continuing to work? And while I struggle with this extreme war inside my whole soul my little family continues to slip and fall. I stop to pick them up, I go to work, I stop to pick them up, I go to work. I am exhausting myself with my own life. I feel as though I am trying to climb a mountain of tiny pebbles all while trying to keep my family from falling all the way to the bottom. Of course I am not alone, my husband is by my side but it seems that while we are both struggling to keep our footing the other is falling and we are teetering back and forth between who is the temporarily strong one keeping the other one up while also holding onto Emily and Lydia. The decision before me is dizzying. And while I know that both choices are very important I cannot help but think one is far more crucial to the survival of my family. But, which I do not know. I feel so alone in this struggle. I feel that my prayers and pleading are pointless, that I am required to suffer until I get a clue, which to me seems like never.

Have you ever read the book A Wrinkle In Time? There is a part, the major part, that is about this force that wants to control everyone and make them perfect by making all their choices for them and making their life easier by taking away all that frustration and confusion that comes with life. It is called IT. I find myself actually being draw to this fictional IT. But is it really all that fictional? I find that so often I just want the pain, the darkness that clouds my mind, the coldness in my spirit, the doubt and fear, to just go away. I just want someone to come and take it away. Doesn't that seem so much easier?

If I could have my way I would live the rest of my life serving my family, by NOT working outside my own sweet little home!

SNOW!

2007-11-20T12:12:00.001-07:00

This morning minutes before going out the door for school Kevin yells, "HURRY! It's snowing!" We all ran and put on our coats and shoes and flew out the door to capture the first snow that Emily and Lydia had ever seen! Living on tropical islands all their young lives kind of took away this one magical moment in a child's life.

The snow came down in chunks! I showed the girls how to catch a "chunk" on their tongues. They could hardly do it with out the whole sky seeming to fall in their little faces. They laughed, danced, and squealed as the snow fell harder all around them.

Every morning we ride our bikes to school because Kevin usually has our one vehicle with him at school. Kevin was home on Tuesday, he figured that day should be no different! So, we tried to ride our bikes in the snow. That was hilarious. Kevin and I were having fun but the girls, especially Lydia did not like it at all. Lydia just cried and whined the block that we actually peddled. The snow was blowing so hard in her face she couldn't see a foot in front of her face. So, we turned around and Kevin drove Emily to school. By the time we got the bikes put away and the car started the snow had stopped and was already melting, and rather fast I must add.

We sure had fun while it lasted! We look forward to another adventure in snow, well, maybe, well, most of us do. I think Emily and Lydia would rather do without the snow. They thought it was fun for like 10 minutes. I didn't expect them to have so much fun that they would never want to come inside again, but I did think they would have wanted to play in it longer than the few minutes that they did. I remember as a kid building forts, burying myself in it like people do with sand on a beach, and staying out for hours. It got to the point I was so numb to the cold that I didn't notice it any more. Some day maybe Emily and Lydia will too. I grew up with cold weather, they have spent their few years on beaches and beside pools. Oh, the poor deprived children! I actually would much rather that scene over the winter scene, I think Emily and Lydia do as well. Especially seen as how they both, shortly after the fun in the snow experience, said, I miss Okinawa!

Much Needed Date

2007-11-20T11:41:00.001-07:00

Kevin and I haven't been on a date in ages! My good friend kept Lydia for us so we could go goof off for a bit. First we went ice skating. This was only my second time to go ice skating. There was only 4 of us on the rink, so it was quite fun to have it pretty much to ourselves. We are quite spazes (is that a word?) on the ice. But we really don't care, well, at least I don't. It felt good to be a kid for a little while. Remember the last time I goofed off and wanted to act like a kid again? Well, it pretty much happened again, minus the somersault. Kevin and I fell so many times that our elbows and knees were black and blue when we finished. But like I always say, "if you don't get hurt you are not playing hard enough". That saying goes for work as well. The morning after our ice skating adventure my neck hurt so bad! I couldn't believe that all the money I spent on a chiropractor just got flushed down the toilet! At least now I know a few tricks to be a bit more comfortable. I also can't believe how OLD I feel. These several past injuries are really reminding me that I am not getting younger and I need to give myself a real good kick in the behiney and get back in shape or else I won't make it to 40. I was just whining to Kevin today that I will end up being 35 and confined to a couch eating potato chips. I cannot have that! He threatened to take away all of my strenuous extra curricular activities if I continue to injure myself. And that definitely cannot happen. I just don't know what I will do if I cannot goof off every once in a while!

See how happy I am when I am with Kevin being silly? I want to be like this more. This date awakened something in not only me but Kevin as well. We are too young still to be so serious all the time. I think it is not healthy. I am making it more of a point to goof off on a more regular basis. It could be tickling Emily or giving Lydia a horsey ride home from school, or even out of the blue tackle Kevin. But no matter what I will not act my age 24/7 one day longer. I have once again been reminded of how important it is to continue to date the person you marry. This date brought Kevin and I closer. I have missed him. I have missed the sparks that fly when we are together. An older woman at the rink practicing approached me in Kevin's absence asked me how long we had been together...March will mark out 8 year wedding anniversary! She thought we were adorable and it made her miss her new love interest. I sure do love Kevin. He is the love that I always dreamed of as a youth. He is the friend I always called out for. I am so thankful he heard me calling out for him.

This video isn't has hilarious as it was supposed to be. This is my attempt at figure skating. Do you think I should go pro?
Kevin accidentally stopped the camera right before I gracefully fell into the most perfect spread eagle on my back sort of move! It really was graceful too. I just laid there laughing and freezing to death. Getting up was harder than falling!

All tied up

2007-11-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

It was the afternoon of a rather quiet day, Kevin and I were sitting at the table just visiting for a bit before I had to go to work. Then, out of no where bursting through our quiet conversation Emily came running into the room, "Hurry Lydia is stuck and needs help" she said dramatically. I figured it was nothing serious so I stayed put while Kevin checked out the damage. He came back within seconds with a huge grin and whispering "come quickly". I reluctantly got up, I was not feeling good and did not want to deal with some thing ridiculous that Lydia got herself into. I came around the corner of the girls' room and could not contain the laugh that exploded out of me. With that Lydia too exploded, but not with laughter. She got so upset that she started pull and kicking and screaming. She had taken Emily's sweater tie and used it to tie her legs to the bed, in the process of her fit she pulled the sweater tie so hard that it had tightened even more around her legs. I couldn't get the knots out because one, they were so tight around her legs and second, she wouldn't stop kicking and pulling on the tie. Kevin ran and grabbed me scissors and I gently had to push the sharp scissors between the extremely tight tie and her swelling ankles. Once the tie had been cut off both legs I rubbed Lydia's ankles and she calmed down enough to answer this question, "what on earth did you do that for!?"

This is the best part! "I wanted to climb the rope to the top of the bunk bed but in case I fell I didn't want to fall all the way to the floor so I tied it to my legs." Can you visualize her thought process? I'm sorry but the whole thing still makes me laugh. I am glad that she did not actually get to the point of climbing the rope and that I was able to save her feet from falling off, but this picture is too perfect for future humiliation. And maybe I am a sick and demented mother, but it really cracks me up!

This was hopefully Lydia's one and only attempt at bungee jumping.

Where is the love?

2007-11-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

This evening a female guest came in so happy, friendly, talkative. She is a preacher who travels around to various Lutheran churches as a guest preacher. We struck up a conversation so easily. She was warm toward me and we started to have a good visit. Then she asked, "what church do you go to?" Upon me response she looked away and with that her whole demeanor changed. She would hardly look me in the eye. She became brief and to the point "where are my keys", completely opposite of the woman who had first walked in, so friendly toward me. I continued to be friendly and ask her questions about her travels and preaching and even wished her a good sermon in the morning. She wouldn't answer my questions and just simply took her keys and left. I apologized to her for my many questions, I am naturally a curious person.

A woman of faith. A woman of a christian church. A woman who preaches about Jesus and whatever else it is Lutherans believe. Is Christianity not all about following the teachings of Jesus. Did Jesus not teach the first commandment was to love him and second love our neighbor? Are we not all neighbors? Even if we are of different faiths or beliefs? So, a woman who claims to love Jesus, immediately loses all respect for me the moment she learns of my faith? I have the hardest time understanding why there are people out there who behave in such a manner. Even now my mind is going forward and backward and forward again over why? And it is not just about a persons faith preference, people lose respect for others over all sorts of issues. I recall as a youth not loving all people for one reason or another. As I have mentioned in past posts I have become a different person than I was even 7 years ago. I have grown in many ways. This subject of love is one of them. I think that loving other people, no matter how different they may be, ultimately comes down to this one thing...how much do I love myself? The reason I say that is because reflecting back on my younger years I hated a lot, loved very little. And it was because I believed I was nothing, absence of love for one's self. Once I knew who I was, what I was worth (yes, my worth to a Supreme Being), then I had a whole new out look on life and other people. Knowing where you come from, where you are going, makes a huge difference in your outlook on things. That is why I believe that if one is a true follower of Christ they first love Him, I believe you cannot love Him if you do not love yourself and visa verse (confusing I'm sure, that is why these are my thoughts and not yours). Once you have that it is impossible to not love others. Loving comes naturally.

My curiosity is beginning to get the better of me. Why did that woman's attitude change so dramatically toward me just because of my beliefs?

Just a Dream

2007-11-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

There is blackness surrounding me, my body seems numb to everything around. I muster everything I have within me just to reach forward, nothing. I have no strength. Wait, there is a light up ahead. It is getting brighter. Suddenly with the most subtle yet amazing force I become aware of my surroundings. Water, why am I in water? I vaguely remember falling in the pool, but what happened, why can't I move? I think I have become a fish, no, that would be silly, but I think I can breath in the water. Of course not, how could I breath underwater? I think I am alive, I think I hear my heart beating. I will try to breath. Yes, if I take very little breaths I will be able to breath like a fish. That is so silly of me, I cannot do that! Alright, I'll try. I think it is working. Now, I just need to get some one's attention and get help. I still cannot seem to move. I must have fallen in hours ago. Why hasn't someone found me yet.
Under the water I hear faint voices, they are growing louder. Yes! Someone has found me. What is that they are saying? I am dead? No, I am not! Please someone pull me out, save me! I feel several hands pulling me out and gently laying me on the ground next to the pool. I sense their gazes yet see no faces. I feel as though their expressions are burning me alive. Almost as if on cue I am able to move, but this is not how I want to be moving. Why am I shaking so uncontrollably? My whole body seems to be seizing! Oh, what is wrong with me? Everyone around me is in complete shock. I hear their voices but I do not understand, "dead...now sort of alive...somethings not right with her...help...who?"
I cannot speak but I am now gaining more feeling and becoming more aware of my surroundings, I am able to sit up and walk, sort of. I am in a car, where are they taking me. Why does everyone keep looking at me with such fear and horror in their eyes. Will someone please get me blanket? I am freezing, and why am I still shaking?
I recognize this place. This is where I go to church. Why did they bring me here. Who are all these people. A face I do not recognize is right in front of me. This unknown face has hands on my face holding me. I slowly hear, "We...have...brought...you...to..the...elders...they...will...know...what...to...do..."
What to do? What did he mean what to do? I am assisted into the building. More gawking faces and open mouthed stares. Have I turned purple, grown a second head? What is this all about? I am seated at the end of a very long table and there are Elders surrounding me. They are visiting amongst each other and all speaking ceases upon my arrival. The one in charge stands and with some sort of unknown power my shaking calms, my ears are opened. This Man comes around the table, kneels beside me and thus explains, "you have died. For some reason, you are, well, sort of stuck. This is why you are shaking, you cannot hear, you do not have all your senses. Your spirit is lingering when it should not. You are not supposed to be here. You need to move on." He pauses, allowing me time to absorb it all. I speak but with incredible difficulty, "I do not understand, why is this happening?" He continues, "We do not fully understand ourselves. But you are not meant to be here and you need to leave now. Over a hundred years ago an old steam engine train would run through this area. Part of that track runs through this very spot. You must lie here across the spirit of that old track and allow the spirit of the train to take what is left of you away."
"No, No, this cannot be! I don't want to leave, please, No!"
"You must! You are not supposed to be here!"
Tears are pouring from my eyes as if someone just turned on a faucet. The shaking returns, but much worse this time. And once again, I cannot hear. I see the faces of those around me, where is my family? Why have they not come? I scream within myself, no one hears. They gently lay me on the floor and more people gather around. I read their lips and they say "it is time" and "it will be OK". Out of no where I hear a train and feel the shaking of the "spirit tracks" that I am laying across. Fear engulfs me, I cannot stand it any longer. The sounds of the "spirit train" are deafening. "Please stop it now!"
My room is dark, not even a speck of light coming through the windows. "Oh, please let it have been only a very bad dream!" I lay in my bed, unable to move, my eyes moving rapidly across my room looking for some sign of life or light. Nothing. That same feeling of fear has returned with great force, I cannot breath and my chest feels like someone is sitting on it. I call out, "Mom"! Nothing. I call again. And again nothing. I begin to panic and now I feel the only answer is to give into the despair that has engulfed me. I try one more time to call out "MOM!" this time with a force I knew I had not. My Mother and Father both come rushing to my side. My room is filled with a light from the hall. "What is it, what happened" they both ask with wide eyes and a look I'd never seen. "I died" I told them between uneasy breaths and sobs, some might say hysterical. "I died". "And when I woke from the dream, I woke to a sense of deadness in my room. Even a weight was crushing down on my chest". My mother held me as I cried and regained an even breathing pattern. My father said a prayer to give me peace and comfort. I fell asleep in my Mother's arms.

This is a true story. I had this experience about 14 years ago. Though it was so long ago I still see it and feel it as if it just happened. I have never forgotten. It was an experience that causes me to reflect. Not the dream so to speak, but the feeling I had when I woke from the dream. That "crushing feeling" was real. I cannot deny it. I have experienced the feeling of despair and the crushing feeling more than once in my life. I am a fighter, I will not give in.

Senses

2007-11-08T10:36:00.001-07:00

The morning before going pumpkin picking Lydia was reflecting on our days in Okinawa and says to me dreamily , "Mom, when can we go tangerine picking again?" Her question provoked longing feelings inside me as well. Okinawa grows a unique tangerine, the best I have ever had. We went every season while living there. Just the smell awakens a deep indescribable feeling within one's sole. That might sound corny but there is no other way to describe this amazing fruit. Just writing about it livens all of my senses. So, to fill this void within each of our hearts I have decided to add a new family picking tradition. We will pick pumpkins. Pumpkins and gourds may not be as fulfilling to all of my senses but it will be just as fun and rewarding in a bonding sense.

I just cannot resist the urge to photograph Lydia. I cannot resist showing off her photos. She inspires me. What I'd give for a high tech, fancy camera and some lessons. I 'd have it clued to me at all times. The thing about Lydia is she makes a great candid subject. But if she knows I am taking her picture she will do something goofy. Can you imagine the photos I could take of her if she never even knew I was there? To have a camera with a super zoom lens I could sit in shadows and just capture every moment of her innocence. I mean not to sound like I favor Lydia. I suppose in a sense I do, photographically speaking only. Emily is opposite of Lydia, she takes nice posed photos, but if I capture her being natural she is usually doing something goofy. Ultimately I have learned that photographing my children requires impeccable timing!

Emily asked me to fix her hair like a water fountain on top of her head. She loved it so much and at the same time couldn't stop laughing at how funny it looked. Lydia asked for one as well, but her hair is much too long to have the same effect of a water fountain. I did my best by just looping it on top of her head. When she looked in the mirror she lost all control. I could not resist getting a photo of their contagious laughs. Even grumpy, serious, old me could not resist the urge to laugh. It may not seem so funny just looking at the photo, but the tears and the squeels were too irresistible. If you look closely you can see the wetness in Emily's eyes. When she really laughs it is so contagious because her laugh is so pure and real. Her whole self is involved in laughing. I smile just thinking about her laugh. Laughter truly is contagious isn't it?

BLAH!

2007-11-06T19:32:00.001-07:00

It has been so long since my last post. I am slacking in my life in so many ways. Do you ever feel like that? It is actually exhausting me how far behind I am. I am trying not to think about my slacker attitude right now, it makes me dizzy in a sleepy way. There have been so many things I have wanted to post on here, I just haven't taken the time to do so.

Lydia has been saying some of the funniest things. Example...Last Saturday I sat down with the girls and said, "look around. How does the way the house look make you feel?" Emily answered, "sad, I want to have a nice clean house". Lydia said, "sad, because I don't want to have to clean it". What a crack up. Today we spent some time with a friend of mine in the car. Apparently Lydia and my friend's baby had enough of being in the car because the baby was really upset and Lydia kept whining about wanting to go home so she didn't have to listen anymore. When we got back to our house I had to drag her out of the car. I got after her a little and said, "two seconds ago you were crying about wanting to go home and now I have to drag you to the house. Did Leslie (the upset baby) turn you into a baby?" She snapped "NO CAUSE BABIES DON'T HAVE SPECIAL POWERS!" I laughed so hard she got mad at me for making fun of her. I had to explain to her that I was laughing at what she said, NOT her. Then she said, "nobody has special powers on this planet, only Heavenly Father and Jesus do and they are in heaven."

Let's see, what else...I got to go horse back riding for the first time in a month on Friday. I hadn't been able to ride due to my silly somersault. It was such a wonderful way to start my day. Of course I didn't want it to end. I rode Fat Jack again (by the way his name is Cisco). He did really well for me. I am working on getting him to continue a gallop around the bend of the corral. My friend told me I was doing really well. I'd love to have lessons. She told me I was "posting" really well on the trot. I said, "what's that?" I find horseback riding very natural to me. My friend gives me great pointers, I think it would be awesome to have more!

Kevin has enrolled in his 3rd semester at BSU. I cannot believe he is on his 3rd already! I am so happy that time is slipping by so quickly. The 1st semester was really bad. This one has been really hard on him but the family has adjusted to the "change" in our lives very nicely this semester so it has seemed to me a lot better than the last.

I recently read in my sister in law's blog about blogs being a place to brag. Well, I don't have anything to brag about except my amazing husband. I will brag about him and for him. He is doing so well at balancing his life right now. He has become the most amazing father in the time he gets to spend with Emily and Lydia in the evenings. He hadn't had that the past 7 years. Military lifestyle was really hard on him as far as being a father. He never got to spend time with them the way I did. Now he gets that and he loves it. I love that he loves that. On top of that he is doing so well in school. I am so proud of him. He is taking really difficult classes and he gets up at 2 and 3 in the morning and pulls the best grades. He just joined an honor society and I know he is just going to continue doing well, because he has his priorities straight.

Is that enough bragging? I'll post some photos that I took next time I blog. I know this entry is so ho-hum. I wish my life was not so ho-hum right now. I wish my mind was flooded with deep thoughts and ideas. But to be honest my brain is beat. Who knows why! It isn't like I am doing anything in my life that requires any real brain power!

Food For Thought

2007-10-23T20:14:00.000-06:00

Every school day we ride bikes to and from school. Lydia has been learning to start off without leaning on her training wheels to get going (by the way I took them off today and she is doing excellent). I never realized the great effort required in the "start" mode of riding a bike. I found myself losing patience as Lydia was attempting to get this new step of losing her training wheels down to a T. She began to figure out the foot work, but in the process forgot about her arms. She'd get her feet on the peddles but her arms were twisting and turning the bike all over the place and she'd eventually crash or run off the side walk into a tree or get stuck in the grass. She'd get frustrated and blame her bike for screwing up and not working right. I found myself repeatedly telling her, "keep your hands strong on the handle bars, if your arms are strong and steady you will not go off the path". It didn't seem to matter how many times I told her, she'd still crash and she'd still blame the bike, even though her arms were flailing all over the place like wet noodles. I even went to her, held my hands on top of hers and showed her, physically, what her arms were doing and then I'd show her what her arms should be doing. She has finally got it figured out but all yesterday morning I kept thinking about what I told her. How often have I been like a wet noodle, flailing all over the place, crashing, running off track, and blame it on something or someone other than the person who is truly to blame? How often has this happened to me and "someone" came and put their hands on mine and had shown me the proper way? How quickly was I to learn to be steady and strong (certainly not as quickly as Lydia did)?

Happy Moment: Dollar Store Treasure

2007-10-20T18:32:00.000-06:00

I ventured to the Dollar Tree, I believe that is what it is called, for the first time today. I was on a mission...to purchase a Halloween bowl for work. When we first moved back to the US we were told that we just had to go to a dollar store. So, we did. We were incredibly disappointed. The store we had gone to had a bunch of junk and was totally disorganized. Mind you we moved here from Okinawa Japan, home of the 100yen store. It is the most amazing store. You could spend hours searching through the many items that the store offers for 100yen, equivalent to a dollar, for that one treasure. I'd leave the store having spent 2000yen and have some tasty Japanese treats, funny poorly translated into English t-shirts, and anything else mine or my children's hearts desired. As you can see we were expecting a lot from these US dollar stores and we were seriously let down. When I entered this Dollar Tree I was pleasantly surprised. They were already putting out Christmas decor, there were bags of Halloween candy, the bowl I had gone in for, and numerous other items that caught my attention. I spent all of 10 minutes inside but decided this store was worth my return. Just before getting in line for check out the greatest treasure I could find was right in front of me. RAZZLES!!!!!!! Need I say more as to why that is my happy moment for the day? OK, one more word, maybe 3...Thirteen Going on Thirty. Best movie EVER!

One more side happy thought for the road...Snow on the mountains...it is a beautiful day! The way the clouds cast shadows over the mountains the misty look at the caps, the snow. Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Happy Moment : I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

2007-10-19T21:00:00.000-06:00

I have not seen my family in 4 years! My family in it's entirety has not been together in well over 7 years, mainly because of me. This Christmas my Dad wanted us to all get together and I was so distraught over the whole decision, "should I stay or should I go now" (that is a good song by the way). I had made up my mind to stay here in Boise with my family and put off my siblings and parents for another year or so. I had chosen not to go for too many reasons to list. The choice was painful and I hated talking about it because every time I did I would cry. I like living far away from extended family (Kevin and I have not lived any where near family for 7 years), but at the same time I love to get together with them. We have fun. I spent yesterday and today recalling those fun times and reminded myself that I may not get another opportunity to be with all 6 siblings at my parents again any time soon. So, I sucked it up (all the many reason NOT to go) and I bought a ticket to Missouri for a few days after Christmas. My sweet little family will not be with me, I even felt a little selfish about this, but at the same time I am so excited to go do something on my own. I haven't done anything like this since, uh, 1999 when I flew out to Utah to see Kevin and he proposed to me!

Well, that is my happy moment for today. What was yours?

Happy Moment: I Pledge Allegiance

2007-10-18T13:11:00.000-06:00

Today's happy moment actually choked me up and bit. Today was my day to volunteer in my daughter's class room. I always look forward to Thursdays in the classroom. Each morning the secretary reviews some announcements and reminders to the children and then calls the children to all stand and repeat the Pledge of Allegiance. I was under the impression that the Pledge had been taking out of the schools. I am happy to "hear" that it has not been removed from my daughter's school. Seeing all these 6 year old kids stand placing their hands over their hearts, looking at the flag and reciting the pledge that I had too recited as a young child made my heart swell. It was at this phrase that got me the first day and now once again today...one nation under God. I am proud to be an American. I am not at all bothered by reciting those words. We are one Nation, under God, and should be indivisible. And yet, sadly, we are very much divided, certainly not one. I was honored to be able to recite the pledge along with the children. My daughter looked at me and mouthed across the room, "I didn't know you knew the pledge"! With the many immigrants throughout our country I see the controversy with children being required to repeat this pledge. Most people believe in a supreme being. The founders of this great country believed in a God. I feel that pledging an allegiance to the flag (which is purely a symbol, the allegiance is not to a piece of material, it is to that which the flag represents) is a duty all Americans must accept. Allegiance means devotion or loyalty...to what? Freedom, Justice, and all that America stands for. I believe, maybe in ignorance or naivety, that if we each remember what being an American truly means, remember all the many lives lost in fighting for those beliefs from the very infancy of this great country, then just maybe we can have the unity that is needed to keep a great country great. If we do not uphold those values this country was founded upon then all those men, woman, and children who have died and continue to die for this cause will have done so in vain.

That is all I have to say about that.

Here is an added happy moment for my day. This is too happy to not share!
Today was rather cold (in the mid 40s) and very cloudy. This sort of weather makes me rather snuggly and teddy bearish. Just before leaving for work I grabbed Kevin, in spite of his "trying" to reject me (he has become far too serious! And mind you this is the boy who was once called Tigger), we danced around and twirled and just acted silly. Just then Lydia came peaking around the corner to see why Mom and Dad were laughing and being way too happy and silly for our usual serious, stressed out selves. We both grinned at Lydia and she just stood so happy to see us having fun. So, I ditched Kevin and went and scooped up Lydia, who was obviously very jealous of the funness in the home, and I began to whirl and twirl around with her. I gave them both hugs and kisses goodbye and went out the door for work. It has been a while since I left the house and those I left behind were smiling and happy. Well, even I was smiling more than usual! I do believe this has been a great day on my quest!

A Quest

2007-10-17T17:50:00.000-06:00

A couple weeks ago I read an article about happiness, remember it was the source of "evil" that "made" me do a backward somersault to remain youthful and fun? (I am rarely sarcastic, this is one of those moments. I just needed to blame my accident on something other than myself.) Realizing that I took the article way beyond the author intended I decided to look at his words differently. Life is way too short to be so overwhelmed and "grown up" and unhappy (meaning all the stuff in life that may put some tension in your neck or a frown on your face".

While at the Chiropractor today I was told that living a stress-free life is a good step to recovery. HA! I thought that was funny. But then I started thinking about the receptionist's comment and this is the main question I came up with..."How on earth does anyone live a stress free life who is neither a monk nor some carefree hippie?"

My quest is this...to spend some time each day reflecting on what made me happy that day and to take 5 minutes doing absolutely nothing but lay on my bed and not think of any of my worries or stresses, to breath deeply and just be free. Part of that quest is going to be reporting on those happy moments. And I am re"quest"ing your happy posts as well. Sharing happy moments is probably the best thing anyone could ever do. Laughter is contagious and so are smiles.

As for my very first day on this quest I am finding it difficult to even begin. What is a quest if there aren't good days, bad days, and some in between. It just so happens that the day I decide to start this quest for recognizing the good in my life I start out on a bad foot. But I cannot expect to progress further without even trying. So, let's see...my happy moment today was...a phone call from my sister. It wasn't a phone call that made me happy, I actually did more crying than anything, but the phone call from my sister told me she was thinking of me and loved me. That makes me happy. Also the 2 second thought I gave to the lovely view of fall made me VERY happy. But like I said, that lasted about 2 seconds. I would have loved to have dedicated more thought to the view of God's creations. I am happy to be in an area that has Autumn, the changing leaves, the skies that threaten of snow (though I do not care for snow I do LOVE clouds), autumn alone makes me snugly and warm. I am feeling better already just forcing myself to recall the good in my day! I shall continue! Another thing that brings me GREAT relief and joy is that I completed the 6th and 7th books in the Harry Potter series in 6 days (finished late last night). To complete both in 5 days, working a full time job and taking care of my family, required some mad crazy reading. I don't think I have ever read that insanely in my whole life. I finished one and immediately began the next. I read at every opportunity and way too late into the night! Even today my eyes and brain are so exhausted I find it difficult to focus. But I am through and that makes me happy. Now I can get back to my life.

I'd love to hear your happy moment for the day. Please share!

Read To a Child

2007-10-12T19:11:00.000-06:00

I have been so busy the past few days. Not busy doing anything out of the ordinary, just abnormally busier than usual. I have decided to finally read #6 book in the Harry Potter series. So, when I am not busy with work or my family responsibilities I am reading that book, hence my abnormal business.

On Thursdays I have the opportunity to volunteer in my daughter's first grade class room. Today I left feeling a bit sad. The teacher is challenging the students to read 700 minutes the first quarter of school and will celebrate with a reading party at the end. The whole school has also started a reading challenge as well. The teacher has strategically placed numbered stars along side one wall of the room. As the children's reading minutes are tallied their named is moved to the numbered star that matches the minutes they have read. I am proud to announce that Emily has already read 750! Anyway, the point of my post tonight is the sadness I felt when looking at the names of the students and the number of minutes they were reading. There was a handful of students who had not even read 100 minutes. The vast majority had read anywhere from 200 - 300 minutes. There was one child who was not even on the wall. I am going to assume that this child's name was removed because of the upset mother I am going to tell you about in a little bit.

After looking at the wall for quite some time I mentioned to the teacher how sad it was (the kids were at recess). I said, "if the parents only new how important it is to read with their children every day". Before the beginning of school Kevin and I were doing the most of the reading to the kids. Since this challenge Emily has read anywhere from 30 - 45 minutes a day to us (broken up between morning and night). Her reading skills have improved dramatically since we have been doing more listening and less reading. We mix it up sometimes, I read a line, she reads a line. Or, I read a more difficult story, or the scriptures, and Emily follows along and jumps in when she recognizes words. The teachers response to my comments surprised me. She said, "I wish so bad you could have attended my parent meeting I held". When I asked her why she told me about one of the mothers. The mother was furious. She did not understand why she had to read to her child and thought it pointless. She proceeded to "lecture" the teacher on various "psychological" studies and reprimanded the teacher for even suggesting such a challenge. HOW ABSURD! The teacher had wanted me there to shared my opinion in rebuttal to this woman's.

Every week Emily came home from school and reported how much closer she was to earning the party. She looked forward to reading. And then one day she was just beaming and she shouted I have read 750 minutes! That means I earned the reading party!

Emily's classroom has a large percentage of children with various "issues", from poverty to learning disabilities. But the biggest disability these children have are parents as ignorant as this one mother who REFUSE! to read to their children. Whether their refusal is intentional or just plain ignorant neglect I do not know. But either way the child is the one who is suffering from the parents lack of interest in the child's educational well being. Shoot, even the parent is missing out. I love to read to my kids! I love the snuggle time, the adventure, the one on one time that I don't always get! What a horrible and vicious cycle it is for an under educated (even educated parents may neglect their child in this area due to lack of time) parent to continue to not show interest in their child's education. One comment recently sent home in the school's newsletter was to the parents telling them to read and let their children SEE them reading. What's that? Be an EXAMPLE? For so many children the example set for them is their parents watching TV, movies, playing video games, or just lounging around visiting with friends. These things are all fine to do. But if it is the only thing your child EVER sees you do then it becomes a problem rather than being a relaxing or enjoyable thing to do. I could even say that goes toward the example of hard work. My parents taught me about hard work. Even now I have a difficult time sometimes just being still.

Please, read to your children. Let them see you reading. Something I always tell my daughter is that she cannot do anything in her life unless she knows how to read. "You cannot read to your own kids. You cannot go on mental journeys or adventures. You cannot be a Zoo Keeper (Emily's most recent career desire)."

So, grab a book, grab a kid (yours, your sister's kid, your grand kid, your neighbor's kid), and go on an adventure together.

Speaking of books...check out my business web link found on the right column of my blog.

Laughter is THE best medicine

2007-10-07T22:45:00.000-06:00

Just thought I would give you your daily dose of medicine!

This was filmed over a year ago. It is too precious to keep to myself. I hope you all laugh every time you see it, just as I do. I will watch it whenever I feel too serious and grumpy. You have to watch it more than once to truly appreciate the craziness of it. This video is of course titled Crazy Animals.

Blessings in Disguise

2007-10-05T19:28:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I read an article about being more happy, laughing, and enjoying life. I thought to myself upon completion of the article "Suzanna, you could stand to be a little less serious all the time. Relax, have fun, enjoy your 'youth' (or what's left of it I thought)". So, just before leaving for work I recalled this vow of being more fun and less serious. I took a brief moment to goof off with my kids. We were doing somersaults and I decided to teach them to do a backward one. Not such a hot idea for someone of my age to go do! I have decided that it is not such a hot thing for any age to do one of those crazy things. Seriously what on earth possessed me to do one? I hadn't done one since probably 12, I can't believe I thought I was in any kind of good condition to do one at 31! So, upon completion of this insane move I was in incredible pain. I quickly rubbed on my neck and shoulders, giving enough relief to convince myself to go to work anyway. Unfortunately over the next 3 hours my condition worsened to the point of my left arm going numb and deep breathing was all I could do to keep from crying every time I answered the phone at work. I went and cried to my boss that I couldn't do it anymore, and I just had to leave. She recommended a chiropractor to me, the place stayed open an extra hour just for me. I was in worse shape than I thought. He laid me on a table to do some tests and when he was finished he helped raise me up and I almost blacked out. He was very concerned and at first felt I should go to the ER. He was worried about a slipped disk or torn artery. Just my luck! When he told me that I had a serious panic attack. Which needless to say did not help the light headiness at all. So, I calmed down and he consulted with another doctor. They both felt it would be alright to proceed there with x-rays and if anything in them alarmed them they would send me to the ER. The x-rays were worse than I could have ever imagined. Nothing the Dr. felt needed ER attention. That was a huge relief, I don't have insurance at the moment and we could not afford a $5000 ER trip, that is what brought on my attack.

Just over 10 years ago I had a really bad four wheeling accident in Colorado. It was just 2 months before I was to go on a mission for my church. I refused to be taken to the ER for fear of being rejected the opportunity to serve a mission. I never even went to the doctor. At the time my hands were what was in the worst shape, yes, I hurt all over but my hands were swollen and black and badly cut up. No other injuries were apparent to me at the time. Almost 2 years ago I was having a lot of back pain. I couldn't twist turn or even sleep with out pain. If I sat for too long I became stiff as a board and had to lay down to relieve the pain. I couldn't stand it any longer so I visited the doctor and they took x-rays of my back. I had arthritis on my spine, right smack in the middle of my back...T12. The Dr. asked me how on earth I managed to do that at my age in such an odd location. So, the effects of my accident years before were beginning to be more apparent. My hands have outwardly healed, but at times, especially in the cold, they hurt at the wrists and lifting becomes painful. They put me on all sorts of drugs for my back because the stiffness in the morning and the pain the rest of the day began to interfere with my routine. And then one day I talked to him about all the drugs and I asked him what I could do instead of all the dope. So, from then on the pills were flushed and I rarely have the pain since.

So, back to my neck. After my mission I visited a chiropractor I had worked for years before my mission. He took some x-rays and asked me if I had been in an accident because my neck looked like I had whiplash. I then told him all about the accident 2 years prior. He chastised me for not getting it checked out sooner. I saw that Dr once. I had not been back to see anyone for my neck until last night. When I saw the x-rays last night I was reminded of the accident once again, except this time the x-rays were much worse. The Dr. said he had only seen two other x-rays even close to being as bad as mine. My neck had gotten worse since the visit 8 years ago. It wasn't has bad as it could have been but it was definitely in need of serious attention. I was actually quite scared when I first saw the x-ray, I thought, "how on earth did that happen to my neck?" It really freaked me out. I have an opposite curve to my neck and all sorts of other misalignment's throughout my shoulders. No wonder I have been so uncomfortable lately. I couldn't even lift my head upward without discomfort, before the somersault injury. I had also been experiencing off and on numbness in my left arm. As you can probably tell, I tend to neglect my body. So, again my accident and failure to get medical attention has come back to haunt me.

Today Kevin and I went back for another adjustment and to talk about a plan. When we decided to go with the fix rather than the "band aid" we were given an estimated cost. Remember back to a few posts ago I mentioned getting an eye exam for Lasik? Well, I decided against it for now. For some reason it was all wrong. I did not understand why. But now I do. The chiro. bill is the exact same as the Lasik bill would have been. Kevin and I both just looked at each other and could not believe what a huge blessing this has all been. First, I canceled the eye surgery, every time I thought about it I felt incredibly uneasy. Second, I do a silly somersault, causing incredible pain, and thus going to the chiropractor to fix my neck before arthritis could set in on it, just like my back. I know it sounds odd to be grateful for the pain I am in, but if I had let my neck go and never get attention I would end up with bone spurs just like on my back. I regret not having gotten medical attention a decade ago, but like they say, "better late than never".

Work in Progress

2007-10-03T11:55:00.001-06:00

I just finished this single panel curtain that I designed as part of a really long project I have been working on. About two years ago I planned a theme for my daughters' room. We had bought them red, yellow, and blue bunk beds, it was all the store had at the time. So, I figured I'd make the most of them and make a fun "primary color" room. Emily now says that the primary colors are her favorite colors because from them you get every color of the rainbow. What a smart kid! I am not any good at the decorating thing or sewing for that matter, but it is fun for me to be creative. The project is so far from being completed. I'd like to just get it done, but time and resources are in short supply.

I am having fun thinking up new things to add. I have wall paper trim that has red yellow and blue planets, sun, moon, and stars, drawn like a child with a crayon. LOVE IT! Emily and Lydia picked it out. I will hang glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, I will make some fun red yellow and blue pillows from left over curtain fabric. When we move and we have our own house I wanted to paint the walls with geometric shapes, Emily and Lydia don't like that idea, they want to stick with the celestial theme, so I caved, we'll paint the future walls non-geometrically. I don't want to do it now because I don't want to have to paint over the hard work. I will most likely hang the paper trim because we plan to stay put for at least 3 years. To me the walls are just too white behind that bright and bold panel curtain. I should just stop being lazy and paint the walls. I want the girl's room to be really fun and enjoyable. They have piggy banks in the primary colors with their names painted on and laundry baskets in the same manner. I still need to hang a hand crafted chore chart that the girls add Velcro stars when chores are completed, and also a hand crafted calendar that has everything from weather and seasons to the year, month, and day to add and move around as the girls please. We bought them dark blue mink blankets and a pillow cover while in Okinawa. I thought the blue in the room was darker, so when I brought the blankets home and compared I was a bit sad, but I am over it, I love the blankets; besides the blankets will last them forever, they are a Korean queen size (between a full and queen).

It is slowly coming together. I figure by the time we move it will be complete and then I get to start all over again. So, here is my request from you readers...any homemade ideas to add to this work in progress? It could be OUR project!

Shoe Update

2007-10-02T20:09:00.000-06:00

Just a few weeks since my post on shoes and I feel like a new person. I am not saying that going for those ugly black shoes five days a week has become easy or enjoyable, but I certainly put them on with a new appreciation and outlook on my position in life right now. I even find my drive to work more pleasant and I certainly enjoy the quiet. I used to drive to work listening to something on the radio, now I have silence, and I so need the silence. I appreciate the silence. I plan my days more wisely and fill them to the brim. Since the post on shoes my schedule has also changed. I used to have Friday and Saturday off, now I have Sunday and Monday off and I must say that getting Sunday off has also made a huge difference in the rest of my week. I feel like I have more time. I also get to actually relax, which doesn't happen too often. I must put in my "day of rest" speech. I am so grateful to have that commandment. I cannot imagine life with out a day of rest. I cannot imagine going every single day of my life without Sunday, attending church, being at home without pressure of doing some chore or something, taking a nap, reading uplifting books, and listening to my children play quiet games and do puzzles. There is no other day in all of my week that compares to my Sabbath Day.

My friend Rena and I now get together on Mondays to scrapbook, which also wasn't happening before the schedule change. We also squeeze in some riding on Fridays before I head to work. I love being able to do things I enjoy. Life seems more enjoyable and also endurable (is that a word?), when I am able to relax and be with my friends and my family. Sadly I had not been able to make friends since I had moved here, my schedule and lack of vehicle, prevented me from meeting anyone. It just so happened mine and Rena's daughter were in the same class at church and begged for a play date, and since then Rena has been a dear friend and has helped me to find happiness outside just my family.

So, I am much happier in my shoes, whatever shoes I may be wearing!